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“I’m here for you whenever you need me. A phone call away.”
I felt her anger and grief lighten, even if only a little, after that. Baby steps. There is no timeline on grieving. We all work through it differently. How I feel today may take Evie weeks or even years. I’ll be there with her every step of the way though. As long as she knows that she’s going to be okay. We both are.
“You okay?” Kendall asks, visions of Evie’s grief-stricken face fading away. “You’re crying, Lo. Want to talk about it?”
Wiping away the tears I didn’t realize had fallen, I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Evie and I went dress shopping today.”
“How’s she doing?”
“Not great, but I think maybe a little better than she was yesterday. We had a nice long talk and it helped, at least a little.”
“And what about you? How are you doing?”
It feels like everyone keeps asking me and I still don’t have an answer for them. If I say I’mfine,I get a look of disbelief. If I say I’mgood,I feel like I’m lying. I want to joke and say I’m still alive, but I have a feeling that won’t go over well. Not in my circle. Especially not with people like Kendall and Finn.
“I’m okay. I have my moments, that’s for sure, but our talk helped me, too. Being back home was the hardest part. I couldn’t even bring myself to go in the house when I dropped her off.”
“You didn’t see your mom?” The look of shock on Kendall’s face makes me roll my eyes. She knows how close I am with my mom. As close if not closer than I was with my dad.
“She was out front planting flowers.”
“How’d she look?”
“About the same. You could tell she’d been crying, but she’s doing everything she can to stay busy, going through the motions, trying to get back to her normal routine a little more each day. I’m glad Evie’s there but I’m worried about when Evie leaves this fall. She’ll be all alone in that house, surrounded by memories. At Christmas they were talking about taking a trip, a second honeymoon, once they were empty nesters. I can’t imagine it’s going to be easy on her.”
I’d been helping my dad plan the perfect getaway for them. A redo of their original honeymoon, where Max was conceived. The entire trip was a shit show, from a hurricane causing them to shelter in place for two days, to missing luggage, my mother losing her purse, and the toilet in their room breaking. They claimed it was one of the most adventurous trips they’d ever been on and said if they could survive that, they could survive anything.
I have no doubt they would have. This August would have been their twenty-third anniversary.
“We can all takes turns visiting her,” I continue. “Evie’s going to park her car here since she can’t have it on campus. One of us will go back every weekend, maybe a night in the middle of the week if our schedules allow. I’ll talk to her friends, too. She has book club and stuff to keep her busy, but it’ll be the first time in a long time where she doesn’t have someone to take care of, ya know?”
My mother lives for her family the same way my dad did. She gave up her career to take care of us. To raise her children. To make sure dinner was on the table when dad got home from work and that our homework was done every night. I’m worried she’ll feel like her purpose is gone when we need her more than anything now.
“Have you told her about Finn?”
“No. You’re the only one who knows, and you can’t tell anyone.” Pointing at K with my fork, my voice is stern. She holds back a laugh. I know she won’t tell anyone, not even Piper or Alexis, but I’m freaking out at the thought anyway. “I almost told Evie today, but I changed my mind. I don’t want to put her in the awkward position of keeping it from Max.”
“You should just tell Max. Rip off the band-aid. Let him freak out. He’ll get over it eventually.”
“Not exactly how his mind works,” I mutter, shoving a crouton in my mouth.
“Well, if you’re not going to tell him you need to be careful. He’s not blind, Lo, and you suck at lying. Anyone with a brain can see the attraction between you and Finn. It’s been obvious for years. Now that you’ve both pulled your heads out of your asses, it’s going to be even harder to deny when you’re in the same room.”
Shit!
She’s right.Max is going to see right through us. My eyes have always been drawn to Finn anytime he’s in the same room as me. I feel his presence before I see him. I’m pulled into his orbit, always moving closer until I can smell the fresh mint from his gum or the hint of sandalwood from his bodywash.
“I’m so screwed,” I state, dropping my fork onto the plate with a clatter.
“No, last night you were screwed,” she says with a laugh. “Look, it’s going to be fine. And even if he is pissed, he can either get over himself or …” Her voice drifts off as she looks over my shoulder.
“Or what?” I ask when she doesn’t continue.
“What?” she echoes.
“You said he could get over himself or …”
