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6
“What are you not telling us?”Hayden asks, cutting my greeting off.
“Well, hello to you to,” I reply, sarcasm dripping from every word. “And the answer is nothing.”
We don’t keep secrets from each other.
Secrets don’t make friends … right?
Well, I’m a bad friend because I’m keeping this secret for myself. For now. Until I’m convinced it’s worth sharing with them. Because I’m not even sure something will come of this.
Yes, he’s hot. I’m attracted to him. I’m jealous of Celia and don’t like it when she touches him. Still, there’s nothing going on between us, so no reason to worry them. Yet.
“You’re a horrible liar. I can hear it in your voice, and I know you better than anyone else. I guarantee your phone is tucked between your shoulder and your ear while you pick at your nail beds right now. Your lips are pressed together and you’re probably even grinding your teeth.”
Sure as shit, she’s right.
I let out an exasperated breath, doing my best to calm my racing heart. Pulling my bag higher on my shoulder and sliding my left hand in the back pocket of my jeans, I grip my phone with my right hand and begin the short walk back to the set.
“I’m not lying. This job has me wanting to pull my hair out. If I’m not getting yelled at by Ansen, Celia is in my face about something else. She’s a damn entitled princess. She wouldn’t survive a day in the desert,” I state, attempting to lighten the mood and steer the conversation in a direction I’m comfortable with.
“You knew going into this what Ansen was like. We all knew. It’s not a secret he’s a demanding asshole. And Celia’s always been known to act like she’s better than everyone else. As far as movie stars go, she’s the kind you want to stay away from. She’ll either get you in trouble or drive you to drink. Probably both. Again, you knew what you were getting into.
“Not to mention, this is good practice for what lies ahead. If you can handle both of them, on the same project, you can handle anything and anyone. But again, we had this conversation before you took the job. You shared your concerns then, and we shared ours. You knew you were walking into the worst-case scenario so now you have to deal with it.”
“Are you trying to make me feel better or worse here?” I ask when the line has been silent for far too long. A clear sign there’s more she wants to say but she’s giving me time to come clean before she calls me out.
“Neither. You made your bed; you have to lie in it.”
“I’ve always hated that saying.”
“Same, but it is the way it is. You want to move up the ladder, you start at the bottom rung. You live to serve those above you. That’s how I got where I am today. Same with Austin. We’ve scraped and clawed our way to the top and we’ll continue to do so until we reach the peak. You’ve been stagnant for far too long. I get that you don’t want to associate with your mom, that you want to make a name for yourself on your own. This is your opportunity. No one on that set knows who your mother is except you.”
Well, that was true. Until this afternoon. I’m not sure how many people caught what Ansen was alluding to, or how many even know my last name, but I’m sure at least a few of them put two and two together which means my secret is out.
“Stand up, show people who you are, and don’t let anyone stand in your way,” Hayden continues. “You deserve this, Tay. Far more than anyone I know. You’ve worked hard. You have your head on straight. There’s only one person standing in the way of you making your dreams come true and that’s you. It always has been. Well,” she pauses, and a giggle escapes her, “except that one time when he-who-shall-remain-nameless tried to fuck us all over. We all spiraled out of control for a minute there, but once we found solid ground again, and leaned on each other to get back on track, our vision cleared.”
Beckett.
We don’t talk about him. Don’t mention his name.
But, yeah. He’s the only person who ever sidetracked me. Made me doubt myself.
And that doubt lasted years. It screwed up every relationship I tried to enter. I refused to trust in someone else, to lean on them. I still have a hard time and it’s been eight years.
He’s also the very reason I shy away from mentioning my mother’s name in this business. Because her name is associated with greatness and people always seem to think they can get something from you based on who you’re associated with.
Oh, her mother is a movie star? I should cozy up to her and see what kind of benefits I can reap by association.
Maybe her mom can get me an audition for the next big blockbuster. Introduce me to the right people.
This is why I keep my circle small. Because once the doubt creeps in I lose focus.
Right now, I can see my feelings for Eli distracting me at every turn. They already are.
“Yeah, well, that’s all in the past. A memory I’ve locked away. I’m stronger now.”
“We all are. Use that inner strength, be the goddess you are, and take control of this situation. If Celia gets out of line, don’t take her shit sitting down. When Ansen yells, use your words to knock him down a notch. And when Eli distracts you with his sinful body, take a pic for me.”
