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"Addison, I'm home!" I hear Liam call.
Good. Now at least I'll have someone to talk to, and maybe I can get out of my head a little.
The smell of greasy food permeates the air as Liam walks into the bedroom shaking two white bags. He left to get food over an hour ago, so unless he drove to San Jose, he needed time to clear his head.
"What'd you get?" I ask, pushing myself into a sitting position.
"Everything on the menu basically. I wasn't sure what you'd be in the mood for by the time I got back."
Jack's is written in red on the outside of the bags. The last time I checked, they were within walking distance. It shouldn't have taken him that long to get food.
"What took you so long?"
Reaching for one of the bags, I dig through the contents and pull out a container of deep-fried onion rings and spicy dipping sauce, popping one in my mouth right away.
"I had another stop to make."
Digging back in the bag, I pull out a wrapped sandwich, open it, and set it aside. Chicken. I'm not in the mood. I need red meat. I need a juicy burger. Hopefully he picked up one of those.
Liam clears his throat, and I look to my right. He's kneeling by the side of the bed, waiting for me to give him my full attention.
"Addison Marie Larken, I know we didn't plan any of this, but there's no one else I'd rather take this journey with than you."
Producing a small velvet box, Liam pries open the top, and my eyes fall to the small diamond set in a gold band sitting in the center.
"Will you do me the honor of being my wife and the mother of our unborn child?" he continues before I have a chance to say anything.
My grip tightens on the sandwich in my hands, crushing it. I don't know what to say. I hoped one day he might propose. I love Liam and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I feel cheated.
I have no idea if he's proposing because I'm pregnant and he wants to do the right thing or because he really wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Either way, we're tied together for the next eighteen years.
"Say something, please."
My eyes dart between Liam's and the ring.
I'm not sure what to say. Suddenly, I'm not sure what I want.
There's so much going on. So many unknowns. What if this is the wrong decision? What if the baby changes us?
"Liam," I begin. I will the words to come, but they won't. I can't answer a question I don't have the answer to.
"Don't you love me?" he asks.
"Of course I do."
"Then say yes. We'll get married before the baby comes. We can go down to the courthouse and make it official as soon as you're off bedrest if you want."
That's not what I want. Not even close.
I don't want to marry a man who’s only proposing out of obligation.
"I can't. Not because I don't love you but because you only proposed because you feel like you have to. Because of the baby."
"That doesn't mean I don't love you."
"I know that."
"If you'll have my baby but you won't marry me, why are we even doing this, then?" he asks, motioning around the room. "What are we doing here, Addison? Are we playing pretend? Because I thought we were building our future together, and part of that future is children."
"I need time to think," I reply, setting the forgotten bag of food on the nightstand and curling into the covers.
"Sure. Time. Take all the time you need. Just know that I may feel differently by the time you figure out what you want."
The anguishon Liam's face that day still haunts me. I'd hurt him by not agreeing to marry him. It was the beginning of the end for us.
My admission of uncertainty was the defining moment in our relationship. Baby or no baby, we weren't going to survive because I wasn't going to cave to his every need and desire. Had I thought about it back then, I would have seen the signs sooner.
