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11
Instilling Hope
Chloe wasover the moon when I finally called her. So was I until she asked why I hesitated and I realized I needed to tell her. For the moment, she's under the impression it's because I thought she told him I was pregnant, and I assumed he was only asking because of that little fact.
I've spent the last two days avoiding her, avoiding the conversation I know we need to have. This afternoon, I'm going to tell her the truth.
It's going to shock her, I'm sure. Since meeting her all those years ago, I've had plenty of opportunities to tell her my story. She's asked about my past, my family, and my life before Denver. There was one night I almost came clean. It wasn't that long ago. It was the same night she found out about her return to Fairview.
"Aunt Addy!"Lola yells as she runs to me, arms outstretched so I can pick her up and swing her around.
"Hey, sweet girl. How are you today? Are you being good for your mama?"
"I'm always good," she says, squeezing me tighter. Reaching into my purse, I pull out the sleeve of chocolate chip cookies I smuggled over here for her.
"Promise?" I say, showing her what I brought for her.
Her eyes light up as she reaches for the cookies, promising to be good. Her promises fade as she runs into her room, Carmen hot on her heels, attempting to limit her cookie intake before bed.
"I thought I heard the rustle of snack food," Chloe says walking out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel.
I've been busted. Per usual. It's not a secret that I sneak Lola cookies, or brownies, or any other kind of chocolaty treat. Every time I come over, I bring her something. She always runs to her room to stuff her face, and Carmen follows dutifully to make sure she doesn't eat too much at once.
"What can I say? I love that little girl."
"You know, even if you never brought her junk food again, she would still love you."
"Yes, but that wouldn't be any fun, now would it?"
"Just wait until you have kids. I'll make sure to repay the favor an hour before bedtime," she quips, tossing the towel at me. I easily catch it and toss it back.
One day. When I have kids. If she only knew.
It was the anniversary of my miscarriage last week. I thought about coming clean with Chloe, as I do every year around this time, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Hell, I barely dragged my ass out of bed that day.
Five years is a long time to mourn the loss of someone you never met.
"So not to bring the fun level down a notch so quickly, but I asked you to stop by for a reason." Handing me an envelope that's already been opened, I reach inside and pull out the invitation it holds. "My parents are allowing me to come home, and they want me to bring Lola."
You are cordially invited to join the Warren family in celebration of Beverly Warren's 50th birthday.
"Are you going?" I ask, already knowing which way she's swaying.
"I don't think so. I can't bring Lola back there. What if I run into him? It's a recipe for disaster. Why put myself through all that if I can avoid it?"
Because she's still in love with him.
Because she needs to face her past in order to move on with her future.
Because he's her future, and she can't make that happen until she comes clean with him about what happened five years ago.
Lost in my own thoughts, realizing that the words I speak to her hold some truth for my situation, as well, Chloe brings me back to the present.
"Say something."
"Do you want me to convince you to go or convince you to stay? I can do either."
Rolling her eyes, Chloe walks back into the kitchen and reappears moments later with a glass of white wine in either hand.
