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"I thought you might want to start running in the mornings again."
"Right. Thanks," I reply, turning and heading back down the hall to our bedroom. Well, my bedroom for the moment. Liam's sleeping on the couch at my request right now.
"Addison," he says as I sit on the edge of the bed, "I can't watch you fall apart any longer. I need you to get out of bed and find a way to move forward with your life. You love running, but you barely leave the house right now, so I thought the treadmill might be a good solution…”
Liam continues rambling as I crawl under the covers and attempt to find a way to let him down easy. I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have. It's not fair to blame him, even though a part of me always will.
As soon as he's done, I roll away, putting my back to him and clear my throat.
"I'm moving out this weekend."
"What?"
"I can't do this anymore. This house, the neighborhood, you… it all reminds me of what went wrong and what I lost. I can't deal with it here. You're right, I need to move on with my life."
My heart picks up the pace, startling me for a moment. I haven't felt its beat in almost a week. I was certain the loss of my child had shattered it forever.
Rememberinghow I pushed Liam away is painful. For a long time, I had regrets about the way things ended between us. Looking back now, I know it was the right thing to do.
I never would have been able to move on with him. Everything would have reminded me of what we had lost.
It wasn't until I met Adam that I allowed myself to feel again. To love again. Without fear in my heart.
The moment we met, it was as if my eyes were open for the first time in a long time. I saw in him what I wanted out of life. I saw my future in his eyes.
Rubbing my hand across my still flat stomach, I smile.
My future is here. It’s happening as I heal from the pain of my past. A process that I wouldn't have started without the nudge becoming pregnant gave me. It hasn't been easy, reliving some of my worst memories, and I'm sure it's going to get harder before the pain subsides, but I have a wonderful support team. Without them, I would be back under the covers, hiding from reality.
Because of them, I'm facing this head on.
"You going to stare at me all day?" Adam asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
"Well, you are distracting without a shirt on."
"And if I lost my pants?" he jokes.
"You never know what might happen," I reply, stepping into the room and walking straight into his arms. "Care to take your chances?"
A devious grin flashes across his face, and he lifts me into his arms and carries me out of the room.
"You asked for it, babe."
