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“Copper Creek Falls. It’s about a two-hour hike up the mountain. Wyatt is right when he says you’ve never seen anything like it. It’s really amazing.”
“Two hours farther up the mountain and away from civilization? Can we fly there?”
“No place to land. We’d have to do it on foot.”
I can see the headline now:
Harper Kennedy and Children Slip Off Deadly Falls in the Alaskan Outback
My brain continues to spin as I imagine Brett and the nanny showing up to the funeral all teary eyed and feigning heartbreak. I’m sure their sadness would be real for the loss of the kids, but for me—inner backflips. Maybe a few high fives and fist bumps.
Brett would win the hearts of the world by giving a class-A performance. Maybe he’d read some Bible verse and sob his way through it; he might recall the births of our children—pretending he was there instead of on location during Liam’s birth, and in his girlfriend’s bed when Lily made her entrance into this world.
The nanny, as I now refuse to dignify her by using her name, would talk about how she was the one who really raised the kids. She’d whisper that I was too busy shopping on Rodeo Drive, lunching with friends, and having five-hour massages at Burke Williams.I haven’t had a massage in over a year.
“I’m not sure I think that’s a good idea,” I finally manage to say. “The kids and I aren’t really in shape for such a long hike.”
“You look like you’re in fine shape to me.” Digger stares into my eyes before letting his gaze slide down the rest of my body.Dear God.
“Come on, Mom,” Liam shouts. “We can’t miss an opportunity like this!”
“Yeah, Mommy. We gotta go,” Lily adds.
“That’s a four-hour hike for you, little miss,” I tell my daughter. “I don’t think you’re up for that.”
“Digger will carry me, wontcha, Digger?”
He bows to her. “I’m at your disposal m’lady.” She giggles in response.
“Is it safe?” I want to know.
“We’ve been up there at least a dozen times,” Colton answers. “The worst thing that ever happened was that Ash tripped on a log and fell into a tree. He cut his head open, but Uncle Digger patched him up and we kept going.”
Yeah, that story doesn’t instill much confidence. “What about bears?” I’ve spent my whole life never thinking about bears, and here in Alaska it’s almost all I think about.
“Harper, there are bears in Alaska. It’s just a fact. But I know how to keep us safe,” Digger insists. “Come on, let your kids have this experience. I promise you won’t regret it.”
After releasing the most dramatic sigh in the history of sighs, I manage, “Fine. But at any point, if I want to go back, we go back.”
The kids jump up and down and shout their excitement. I will be the worst villain of all time if I don’t let them go all the way. I’d make Cruella de Vil look like a candidate for PETA volunteer of the year.
Grabbing my bag, I stuff my beach towel and book inside, then I pick up the now-empty collapsible cooler. “I’m going back to the cabin to make a salad.”
Lily runs up and slips a hand through mine. “I’m glad we’re here, Mommy. Digger and the boys are the coolest, aren’t they?” My daughter is a social beast, but even so, it normally takes her longer to get so excited about new people.
“Yeah, they’re pretty neat.” The truth is, they’re unlike the other people of our acquaintance. I can see how that might make them glamorous in the eyes of a four-year-old. “I’m glad you’re having a good time.” I give her hand a squeeze.
“It’s a good thing Daddy’s not here. He would hate it,” she says. “I mean, I miss him like crazy, but he would be a total Grumpy Gus if he couldn’t have his cell phone. Good thing he’s in Hawaii, right? I bet he’s a lot happier there.”
My chest tightens. “Yeah, good thing.” I hate that our family is breaking up. The kids are so young, they deserve to have the innocence of childhood last longer. Damn Brett’s inability to remain faithful—barring that, at least discreet. But he couldn’t even managethat. I will do almost anything for my children, but how good of a mother could I be if I’m miserable? If I let myself be played for a fool? They deserve a better role model than that.
But then I think about what Digger said earlier, about people being selfish and their kids paying the price. Am I being too selfish? Does my happiness really matter if my kids have both parents at home? Although, if Brett were here right now, I’d want to slather him in peanut butter and leavehimout for the bears. I’m guessing that’s a sign our marriage really does need to end.
The boys join us shortly after we get back to the cabin. We eat supper in record time because Digger laid down the law—if we’re hiking tomorrow, we’re going to bed early so we can make the most of the day. After tucking the kids in, I make a quick pit stop in the outhouse before falling asleep myself. I’m out the second my head hits the pillow.
Nothing in this world could have prepared me for the loud clanging that jolts me out of bed. What in the hell is that? My brain is so foggy from sleep, I’m not even sure where I am. Lily, on the other hand, jumps out of bed and cheers, “Yay, we’re going to the falls!”
I lie still for another minute until all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. We’re in Alaska, someone is clearly banging a metal spoon on a pan, and we’re hiking to God-knows-where to see waterfalls today. I flip my pillow over and let the coolness help encourage consciousness.
