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“Why not? Why shouldn’t you be able to have this kind of life?”
“Because none of this is real.”
“There’s that word again. What are you talking about?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at her. “I’m real, so clearly real people live like this. There isn’t just one way of living in this world, Moira.”
“I know,” she practically whispers. “But this is never going to bemyreal life.”
“Because you don’t want it or because you’ve got some stupid voice in your brain telling you that you don’t deserve it?” I ask, sitting up and turning my body so I’m facing her. My feet are planted firmly on the stone tile. “If it’s the second one, you need to tell that voice to shut up already.”
Tears spring to her eyes and she blinks quickly, setting her gaze on the night sky. “You don’t understand. You could never understand. You grew up with two parents who love you and love each other. You had stability. Hell, you had two luxury houses. I grew up with an alcoholic father and a mother who abandoned us before overdosing and dying in an alley. Then, when I finally started to feel secure again, my grandma died. Then I got married and my husband died. Are you getting the theme of my life yet?”
“Just because you’ve been through hell doesn’t mean your future has to be,” I answer.
Moira groans. “I can’t trust anything good that comes into my life because everyoneleaves. Nobody sticks around, and you’re not going to be any different.”
“Well, thanks for deciding for me. It’s sure nice to have someone else tell me what I’m going to do.”
“You expect me to believe that you want the life I have? Are you going to come live in Gamble and we’ll get married and live happily ever after?” she asks, raising her voice.
“Maybe,” I answer, matching her angry tone. “Or maybe you and the boys could come live here.”
“I’m not about to pack up the boys and take them away from our family and everything we know,” she says, screwing up her face in disgust. “Is that what you thought? We’d spend a week here and see how much better it is than our real lives, and we’d just come running?”
“Isn’tit better?” I ask. “You’d never have to work again if you didn’t want to. You wouldn’t be run off your feet anymore. Instead, you could enjoy life for once. Buy anything you want. Go anywhere. Would that be so terrible?”
“I never said I wanted any of this.” Moira’s voice shakes as she talks. “I’m sorry if you’re disappointed, but you can’t just swoop into my life and decide what’s best for me and my kids. I’m an adult. I’m a mother. AndImake the decisions for us.I’mthe woman who stays up all night with them, holding a bucket when they’re sick.Ibandage up every scrape and kiss every boo-boo.I’mthe one who’s folded every pair of socks since they were born. Notyou, some guy who we barely know who thinks he can just ride in on a white horse and save us from our crappy lives.”
My head snaps back, as anger and rejection course through my veins. Clearly, Moira is not in love with me. In fact, she sounds like she can barely stand me. And if I know anything about her, it’s that I’m not going to be able to change her mind.
No successful relationship starts with one person talking the other person into it. Ask me how I know? When I finally manage to speak, my voice is low and calm. “I had hoped for a different outcome, but believe me, my intentions were good. I promise I won’t insult you with an offer of a future together again.” Standing up, I tell her, “Thank you for finally being straight with me.”
I walk back into the house before she can say anything. The truth is, I don’t think my heart can take hearing anything else from her tonight.
Chapter37
Moira
There’s something to be said for not starting a fight you’re not prepared to win. I didn’t want to say the things I said to Ethan the way I said them. What I wanted to do was find out why he was being so nice to me and the boys when there was nothing in it for him. I mean, I practically threw myself at him the first night we were here, and he turned me down. To make matters worse, he hasn’t made a move in that direction since. Now he’s trying to make me believe that he wants a future with me?Sorry, buddy, you can’t play it both ways.
I lay in bed for hours rehashing every horrible thing I said to him. I replay everything he said to me, focusing on the fact that he claims he wants the kids and me to live here with him. Truthfully, a life with Ethan would be nothing short of wonderful. But even if he means it right now, believing him would be the emotional equivalent of cliff diving with a blindfold on.
How can I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’ll stick around? The answer is, I can’t. All I know is we’re totally different people, and while opposites may attract, there’s no guarantee they’ll stick.
I know Ethan works hard for what he has but I’m pretty sure he hasn’t once fallen into bed so sore from his daily efforts that he can hardly move. The man doesn’t even shop for his own groceries or mow his own grass.
I eventually fall into a fitful and disjointed sleep and feel like I’ve been hit by a truck when I finally wake up. Groaning, I roll over and look at the bedside clock. It’s already after nine. I hurry to put on my robe and pad downstairs to check on the boys. They’re all sitting at the kitchen table while Sandra fries up bacon and eggs for them.
“Good morning!” I call out, doing my best to keep my tone light.
The kids all turn to me and wave before going back to their conversation—could the Hulk take Thanos in an all-out battle?
Sandra smiles at me. “Good morning. Can I interest you in some breakfast?”
“I’d love some toast and juice,” I tell her. “But I can get it myself.”
“Nonsense. You’re on vacation. You go sit with the boys and I’ll bring it right over. Oh, and Ethan said to tell you he went for a run.”
“Thanks.” Instead of sitting down at the table, I pull out a stool at the island. “You and I have very similar jobs,” I tell her. “I own a diner in Alaska, but I spend most of my time waiting on tables.”
