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I look over her body as she’s stretched out along mine. Her arm is over my chest and her head rests on my shoulder. She’s so beautiful when she sleeps even though I miss her incredible eyes. They’re closed now and the peaceful expression on her face is really striking. I think this is the first time I’ve seen her wear an expression like that.
Of course, that’s not the only lovely thing about her. One leg rests over my hip and thigh, and it accentuates the curves of her body in a beautiful way. I’m sure there are plenty of reasons for me to keep myself from reading too much into things. I mean, other than the civility we showed each other tonight, my experience with this girl can be summed up in one word. Conflict.
So why in the world am I thinking about possibilities that are very likely not possible at all? Why in the world am I imagining a lot more evenings like this one where she’s naked and sleeping next to me? I stare at the ceiling and a very strange thought occurs to me. I hope she’s rolled over by the time morning comes so I don’t disturb her when I get up.
That’s a moot point when I wake. She’s not rolled over but instead is between my legs. I come to consciousness with her mouth on me, and it’s a minor miracle I don’t say something stupid about how I want to keep her around and never need an alarm clock again. I try to pull her up to make things more mutual but she bats my hand away with a giggle. On the bright side, I manage to repay the favor in the shower a short while later.
I offer to cook her breakfast but she says, “I need to get to the main office.”
“You’re going home today?” I ask. God, I think there’s panic in my voice.
“No,” she says. If she notices my body relaxing with relief, she doesn’t give me any indication she does. “I’m talking about the city fire department’s main office.”
“How much longer do you think you’ll be in town?” I ask. I try my best to appear nonchalant about it.
“Not sure,” she says with a smile. “You working today?” I know she already knows I’m off and wonder why she asks. Before I can answer, though, she says, “Duh. You just finished up your rotation.”
“Yeah,” I say, “I get to be lazy today.” Then, feeling like a kid asking the prettiest girl in school to the homecoming dance, I say, “Since I can’t cook you breakfast, what if you let me cook you dinner tonight?”
She smiles and I think her face has to be the most beautiful face even possible for a person to have. “I’d like that,” she says. “What time?”
“I’m off today,” I say, “So it’s really up to you. You tell me when to have it ready.”
She nods. “I think I’ll be finished with everything and back here by five o’clock.”
“It’s a date,” I say. It’s likedatehangs in the air after I say it and I might regret it if she doesn’t reply.
“Yes, it is,” she says with a smile. She lifts herself up on her tip toes and kisses me briefly. “See you then.”
“Um, next to the door is a little hook with a spare key. Why don’t you take it in case I make a run to the store or you finish a little early?” That earns me another brief kiss before she leaves.
I’m kind of shellshocked as I watch her walk through the front door. I’d like to say I don’t stare at her beautiful rear end but if I say that, I’ll be lying through my teeth. I watch her leave and I barely have time to make it to the front door before she closes it. “Drive carefully,” I say. God, that’s a lame thing to say. She gives me another smile in response, though, and if I can get rewarded with that smile for lame, I’ll take it.
She gets in her car and drives away and my mind is going crazy.
I’m falling in love with her.
The thought doesn’t hit me like a ton of bricks and I realize the reason for that is that I’ve known I feel this way for a while now, so thinking it clearly feels more like an admission than a discovery. I’m falling in love wither.
And I’m being stupid.
I took her on a ride-along to a three-alarm fire. It wasn’t just our company that saw her, it was 443, 451, and 427 as well. Four fire companies and all of them saw 417 shuttling a government inspector to the scene of a major fire. The others didn’t say anything to me when I brought her along but I know I’ll hear about it when I return to the station.
And I don’t care.
I think of the way she moved last night, so different than before. I think of how she clung to me, the passionate way she kissed me. Last night wasn’t fucking; it was making love.
I realize now that I’m not going to stop. I should but I won’t. I’ve gone too far and now I can’t find my way back unless I find it with her at my side. I’m going to do everything I can to make this work and the fact that thinking this way only proves Yates is right to be suspicious of me does nothing to dissuade me.
I prepare a roast of lamb and set it to slow cook in the oven, then drive out to Jared’s ranch. He’s not there but he allows me and a few other close friends the run of his wilderness acreage whenever we want, so in a couple of hours, I am bounding through the wilderness soaking in the feel of the wind through my fur and the sun on my back. Winter is approaching and I can tell by the breeze it will be an especially cold one. Perfect for an ice bear.
As I run, I find I’m able to think of Tabitha without distracting myself from the natural world around me. She has become a part of me, and her presence no longer clashes with my polar bear’s sense of freedom but enhances it. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to take her here to watch me run.
The short-run does the trick and I return home in good spirits. It’s a quarter to five when I arrive and Tabitha is already there, waiting on the front porch for me. She smiles and stands when I arrive and before either of us speaks, I wrap her in my arms and hold her tightly.
CHAPTER NINE
Tabitha
