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“You should have told me. I knew you were in the city, but I had no idea you couldn’t fight as your wolf. I would have done things differently, I would have protected you—”
“No,” I say sharply, cutting him off this time. “No, I can take care of myself, and you did the right thing. You defended both our packs, even when I couldn’t.” The admission stings like the slice of a blade, but it’s true. I’m not sure what would have happened without him there tonight.
“Stop that,” he says, leaning forward. “You saved so many lives by calling us out when you did. You were able to see through the blood lust that would have clouded any other wolf’s judgment.” He pulls in a long breath, pausing for a moment as he scrubs a hand down his face and over his five-o’clock shadow. “There’s just more at play right now, with you being a new Alpha, there might be talk about you not shifting.”
My hand itches to slide my fingers over that stubble to reassure him I’m still here. But I push it down as his admission registers in my distracted mind.Does my pack blame me for our casualties? Do they think I was too weak to defend them as my wolf?
“Most won’t think anything of it, though, since you got everyone out of there. You wouldn’t have been able to see that if you were fighting in your wolf form.” He gives me a small reassuring smile, and I relax my face, realizing my panic must be evident. “But we can’t be sure who the leak is in either of our packs just yet. They may try to capitalize on it to sew discord amongst your pack.”
The relief I felt washes away in an instant with his warning, and burning fiery rage takes its place. The leak must have prepared the bears for the attack, had told them our numbers at least. That would narrow down the list of who the traitor could be. It would need to be someone that knew of the meeting tonight.
“What do we do?” I ask thickly, not wanting to admit that I need help with this. Right now I have no idea who I can trust. But I know one thing, Zeke saved my life tonight. He easily could have been the one pinned beneath the bear when he’d attacked, but he’d risked his life to save mine. Some of the fear I feel at the mate bond eases at this realization, seeing it for the partnership it could be. A mate doesn’t only have the power to rip your heart apart and leave you a shell of the person you used to be. But, the fierce protectiveness between mates can also lift you higher, you can work together to keep each other safe. Some of the weight lifts off my chest, like a window opening in my heart, letting him in.
“We’ll need to train your wolf, and work on the relationship between the two of you that’s holding her back,” Zeke says, breaking through my thoughts. “Not to mention how dangerous it can be if you don’t shift often enough. Not only does your healing slow, but you risk your wolf fighting for control and taking over permanently.”
“Holding her back?” I ask, knowing he’s right about needing to shift more often. I’ve been too careless in the past, even shifters that live in human society go out in the wilderness every few months. But I went years. “I’ve just never fought as my wolf before, I didn’t want to take a chance of someone getting hurt because of it.” Frowning, I glance up at him and a small grin quirks up his lips, apparently gleeful that he knows more about my wolf than I do.
“Your wolf has keen instincts. She doesn’t need to necessarily be trained. More so, you both need to work together, to learn to trust one another. If there wasn’t anything holding her back, she would have taken over, despite your fear.” He reaches toward me, his calloused fingers pushing back a strand of hair that has fallen over my eyes. The touch is tender as he lets his hand linger there for a moment. The heat of his fingertips seeps into my skin and tingles of pleasure dance over my body just from the slight contact.
I grimace at the thought of my hair and reluctantly pull out of his touch, glancing over my shoulder to inspect the mess that it must be. There is no way it didn’t get drenched in blood and covered in dirt after everything that happened tonight. My brows knit together when I see the clean hair freshly braided and lying over my shoulder.
“A few female omegas came in to clean you up,” he explains, and I suppress the chuckle that bubbles to my lips at the possessive way he growlsfemale. That probably explains why Silas isn’t here right now. I’m sure Zeke would have shredded any male before they’d been allowed to see me naked. A shiver of desire creeps up my spine at the possessiveness, and my cheeks heat.
“I’m so glad to see you awake, Alpha Draven,” a woman says sweetly, peering around the now open door and breaking through the silence and the palpable sexual tension permeating the air between us. “I’m Ava, the medic.”
She places her clipboard down on the antique oak dresser by the door, oblivious to the heavy emotions that still hang in the air. It’s only then that I scan the room that we’re in. The conversation with Zeke had kept me from completely examining my surroundings. It seems to be a bedroom rather than some sort of hospital room. I take in the royal purple drapes by the window. Zeke glances at me sheepishly. “There was no way I was going to let you sleep on one of those hard medical beds,” he whispers, low enough for only me to hear. He grins as my lips purse, some of the earlier tension dissipating now. I’m in Zeke’s bed right now, my mate’s bed.
“I’ll just take a look at those wounds,” Ava says, sliding the sheet off my back to reveal the thin hospital gown. The robe barely covers anything, and I shiver at the cool air pebbling my skin. “You know, you were very lucky that Zeke knew to put pressure on your wounds and got you to me so soon. You’d lost a lot of blood ....” She doesn’t bother to say the rest.
The blood drains from my face at the reminder of how close I’d come to death—how close I was from taking my final breath. I glance at Zeke as the medic pulls the sheet back up, and she shuffles back to the dresser to make a few notes on her clipboard. His face is soft as his eyes scan my expression, both of us facing the reality that we could have lost each other tonight and what that would truly mean. Because even though we haven’t solidified the bond, even though it was never something I wanted, I’m not sure I could ever let it go now. After tonight, I want to try. I only allow my mind to think of Zeke right now—exploring the mate bond is one thing, but with Everett it would be more than that. I don’t want to act on the words of rejection we both spoke yesterday, but if I was to call off the arrangement with Monte, I would have to be ready to accept Everett as a mate and husband, and that’s not something I can do just yet. Even then, he too spoke of unbinding the bond, could I really give him the power to destroy me if he didn’t want to take them back? Despite how infuriating these men can be, I don’t want to be a coward and sever the bonds between us before even getting to know them anymore. And that desire terrifies me.
“We need to train because I came too close to losing you tonight, and I can’t let that happen,” he whispers, darting a glance in the medic’s direction, but she must not have heard, her pen still scribbling away on the paper. She moves to the machines beeping beside me and jots down something else on her clipboard.
So instead of answering him, I simply nod, hoping he sees the same emotion in my eyes as well because I can’t let this happen again. I was at a disadvantage tonight, and we got lucky, I know that. But I can’t be a burden to my pack, to my mates, and I certainly couldn’t live with myself if protecting me got either one of them killed.
“How about we take those stitches out?” Ava asks in a cheery tone, breaking through the silent conversation.
“Yes, please,” I say in a mock pleading tone, coaxing a laugh from both of them. The need to see the injured claws its way back, tightening my chest and shifting my mood. I have to make sure my people are okay, to check on them and thank them for all of their courage tonight, and to console those who have lost someone. I can worry about this burgeoning connection with Zeke later, after I mend the relationship with my wolf. That thought seems to calm the rapid beat of my heart and even my wolf deep inside me now that I’m not dead set on severing my ties with my mates. Perhaps this will be the step I need to break through that barrier I’d unknowingly erected between the two of us.
Imovethroughtherows of cots, each bed separated by a thin curtain in the medical room. I have to admit this is a good idea, one that I’ll have to invest in for my own pack, especially with attacks from the bears now intensifying. A shiver runs up my spine. There is no way I want to see this again, no way I want to see my people suffering or dead. Zeke told me all the details before we got here to prepare me for what I was about to walk into. There are ten betas between both of our packs who were severely injured in the attack. Two of them have since passed after arriving at the compound, one from each of our packs. I will need to visit their families and offer anything I can to help them through. It doesn’t seem like enough though. I know the pain of loss, and I know nothing can be done to bring them back.
As I walk I thank each of the injured betas for their bravery and courage tonight. A few have injuries too severe that I don’t risk waking them. I can give them my thanks later. Right now they need every minute of sleep they can get so their bodies recover.
I pause outside the last bed, having come down here as soon as the medic removed my stitches and needing a moment to get control of myself. The wounds on my back have completely healed now, but thick scars still remain, marring the smooth skin of my back. I hope they never fade, staying as a reminder of tonight and the losses we incurred, that they could have been even more severe. Zeke assured me that more would have died if I hadn’t signaled them to retreat when I did. This outcome would have been much worse if we hadn’t capitalized on the brief reprieve before the bears got reinforcements.
Zeke steps up behind me, placing a calm, reassuring hand on my shoulder and lending me some of his strength. I soak in the comforting touch, closing my eyes as I draw in the last bit of energy I have. I inhale deeply, reveling in his familiar scent wrapped around me since I had to slip into a pair of his black sweatpants and shirt after my clothes were completely destroyed. His chest rumbles possessively, sensing what I’m doing, and I hum in approval. Fuck, this bond is developing way too quickly, but I can’t think about that right now.
Gathering my strength I reach for the curtain and draw it back slowly, and Zeke’s hand reluctantly slips from my shoulder. Behind the curtain is my female beta that stood behind me in the war room, Isabella, one of Silas’ most trusted betas. To my relief, she’s already awake, lying numbly in her bed, her long blonde hair pulled up into a bun at the top of her head and staring off into the distance. I grimace at the lack of privacy, wishing there’s something I could do about the arrangement, but I was assured their natural healing would have them ready to go soon. At the rustle of the curtain pulling back, her eyes dart to me, a stiffness of duty tensing her shoulders when she sees me.
“Alpha Draven,” she greets me, attempting to sit up. But she groans in pain, clutching her stomach as she draws in ragged breaths from the effort.
“Please stay there. You need to rest,” I urge, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I just wanted to check on you and thank you for your bravery tonight.”
“I wish I could have done more, Alpha,” she says tightly, attempting to lift her lips in a feeble smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.
“You did more than enough,” I assure her, knowing the gut-churning guilt going through her mind.
Silas also briefed me on our pack, all of the injured names, and what had happened to them in the battle. Isabella had thrown herself into a bear to keep her friend Oliver safe, but he was our beta that ended up succumbing to his injuries. She pulls in a shuddering breath, and I grip her shoulder in comfort. I know it isn’t enough. Nothing will take away that pain of loss, the grief and the blame one puts on themselves. But that's all I can do for her right now—be present, give her my strength as time heals the invisible wounds on her heart and soul.
