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“How did you sleep?” He clears his throat, attempting to slip into conversation, but I can’t help but think about last night when I had crawled into his bed, the scent of him still clinging to the sheets. The bed felt cold without him there next to me and I craved the comforting feel of his hands on me, wishing to explore the innocent touches further in the wee hours of the morning. But like they say, nothing good happens after three a.m., and that would have been true for us too. So much happened last night, too much to sort through so quickly.
“Fine,” I say sheepishly, hoping he doesn’t have some sort of mind-reading ability as I answer him, realizing the silence had stretched on for too long. “Where did you sleep last night?” I cringe as the words leave my lips, sounding much too breathless to be innocent.
“There are a few extra pack rooms … I just stayed in one of those.” He swallows thickly, standing from his seat. I glance down to where his eyes seem to be glued, noticing the sheets had slipped off of me when I leaned forward to grab the tray. My bare legs are on full display. That wouldn’t be so bad if his shirt hadn’t slid up too, revealing the side of my black lace thong along my hip.
“I’ll uh—let you finish eating, and I left you some clothes on the dresser. I’ll come back to get you for training.” He rushes out, retreating to the bedroom door. Despite his insistence on abruptly leaving the room, he can’t seem to drag his gaze from me. That is until he smacks into the wall misjudging the door by a few inches. I clasp a hand over my mouth to cover up the choked sounds of laughter that escape my lips as he lets loose a string of curses, clutching his shoulder in pain.
He purses his lips, rubbing his shoulder as he ducks out of the room, giving me one last parting glance before closing the door behind him. I flop back in the bed, taking care to not jostle the tray too much. A lightness lifts my chest that I haven’t felt in far too many years as a goofy grin splits my lips. I can definitely get used to this.
Rollingmyshouldersback,I stretch out my arms, glad that Zeke chose clothes comfortable to move in, despite how tight the sports bra and leggings seem to be. I throw a scowl in his direction as he closes the distance. I thought we would be in some sort of gym. Instead, Zeke drove us out to a field. I’d hoped to be out of this training quickly and go back to the manor with the rest of the pack, but even Silas had supported me going with Zeke, saying he and Walter would take care of everything back at the manor and fill the rest of the inner circle in on the attack last night.
The warm afternoon shines down on us in the middle of the open space, the green grass swaying gently in the warm summer breeze. I take a deep breath, letting the fresh air fill my lungs, and move into formation to do a few jumping jacks to get my muscles warm.
“What are you doing?” he asks, walking over to me from the truck, just as I’m about to start. I purse my lips, pinning him with a look of annoyance at his interruption.
“We aren’t going to fight?” I ask, planting my hands on my hips.
“No, you seem to be adept at that, in your human form at least,” Zeke teases, eyeing the blades on the side. I mean, I don’t go anywhere without them, so he’ll just have to get used to it. “Today you’re going to need to shift into your wolf, but first, we need to communicate with her and heal the block between the two of you.”
“Oh, so you’re just trying to get me out of my pants,” I say, my tone light as I attempt to stall. But he must see the distraction tactic for what it is since he doesn’t take the bait.Ugh, asshole, why can’t he just let me be a coward for a little longer?He smirks at that, as though reading the thought straight from my mind, clearly about to see my lips pinched in annoyance. I really can’t let him think that asshole is his pet name. Otherwise, he’ll never take it seriously when I’m actually angry at him.
“Oh, if I was trying to get you out of your pants, you’d know,” he teases, giving me a wink as he saunters closer. My shoulders shake with silent laughter, apparently he couldn’t resist the opening. “But seriously, we need to work on fixing the tether you have to your wolf, and then instincts will take over.”
I huff out a breath of exasperation but nod, knowing he’s right. That is the reason we’re out here, to be fair. Memories of last night float to the surface of my mind, reminding me why I promised myself I would do this. The pained look in Zeke’s stormy eyes and the barely contained icy rage in Everett’s are all the persuasion I need to shift into business mode and take this seriously.
“I need you to close your eyes.”
I quirk a brow in question, not usually one to trust someone so openly. But after last night, I know he’s one of the few people I can trust. My lids slowly lower, and I take a deep breath, attempting to calm my thundering heart at the vulnerability. “Now relax, look into yourself, into your wolf.”
I try to do as he says, but a constant hum of worries runs through the back of my mind, making it impossible. “I can’t focus,” I admit on a frustrated sigh.
The air shifts next to me and the smell of cloves intensifies. He steps up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me back into his chest. My muscles stiffen for a moment before that familiar scent puts me at ease, reminding me I can trust him.
“Now, instead of trying to focus on nothing, focus on me, focus on our bodies connected, the bond connecting our souls together,” he whispers, his head so close to my ear. The warm kiss of his breath caresses the shell of my ear, pebbling my skin into goosebumps instantaneously.
My heart shudders at the mention of the bond, but I take a deep breath and focus my thoughts on him, the steady brush of his chiseled pecs against my back as he takes each breath, the beat of his heart as it thumps steadily, calmly in his chest. My mind relaxes as I focus on that one thing, him. I melt into the comfort of his embrace, letting my body mold against his, feeling the connection thrumming between us, lighting me up on the inside, and breathing new life into my dreary existence.
My wolf stirs inside me, and I almost lose my concentration at the elation that fills my chest. I can feel that separation, only made deeper from last night. She wanted to burst forth, to defend our pack, our mate, but I held her back. And now I see by doing that, I’ve made her doubt herself, have made her question if she’s strong enough to defend us.
I ease my consciousness to her, needing to bridge the distance between us. At times she’s so present in my mind, while at others, it is like the connection is murky, the tether impossible to grasp. She stirs again in my mind, and her sorrow wafts off her in waves. Fuck, this isn’t good.
“I feel her,” I say, my voice pained as I squeeze my eyes closed, her sorrow sinking into my heart, my soul. “I think last night did more damage.”
“Don’t think like that, because of last night you’re here, right?” He smooths a comforting hand over the sensitive skin at my side, left uncovered by the sports bra. A shiver runs up my spine at the caress of his rough hands. I hadn’t even realized the rushing thoughts were bombarding my mind once more. It’s as if he knew what I needed before even I did. “Sometimes things need to get worse before they can get better.”
I let his words calm me and give me hope. My wolf huffs at him as though she’s challenging him, challenging me, but I square my shoulders, letting her feel the sense of determination. We are one, and we both need to work together to live our lives to the fullest. I silently make a vow to her that this is exactly what we’ll do from now on. No more hiding, no more pushing people away, and that includes our mates.
A spark of hope lights within her, and I let my reassurance shine through. Yes, that means I will let us both explore this connection with our mates. I will let her play, let her challenge their wolves, and I will open my heart to the possibility, rather than cowering behind the fear of loss before it’s even happened.
I know things haven’t been fair, you haven’t been able to grow, but we’re going to fix that.I sense her hesitance, she’s another facet of myself. I haven’t completely healed from the emotional wounds of my past or my present, but I was still able to work through a lot as my human form. My wolf was trapped within, experiencing everything as I did but never truly able to heal at all. She never got to grow, to work through the pain of our loss. I thought because we are one in the same that she would grow alongside me, but being buried inside, she hasn’t been able to evolve as she should have.
Reluctantly, she agrees, her thoughts following my own. There’s only one way to fix this, and it won’t get any easier if we continue putting it off. I may not have been able to let my wolf free in the middle of a bustling city, but now in Endcliffe, I can truly be myself and can let both forms of myself explore the world freely.
“You’re doing great,” Zeke murmurs next to my ear. I jump at the sudden sound, only now registering how far I had retreated into my subconscious, how far she had burrowed into my soul.
“Do you feel her?” I breathe, my eyes still closed, wanting to soak in his comforting embrace for a few moments longer.
“Yes,” he whispers, his mouth lowering even closer to my ear, his lips softly brushing the sensitive skin as he speaks. “My wolf could always feel yours because of the bond. But now it feels stronger and more secure like she’s breathing fresh air for the first time in years.”
