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I comb my fingers back through his black hair, comforting him while I wait for him to continue. That was a lot, both to dredge up and to go through as a child. I desperately need to know more, what happened in those foster homes, what happened to his mother? But I won’t push. He needs to work through this in his own time, and I’ll be here to listen and support him or knock some sense into him if need be, just as he has done for me.
“That was until Arsenio and I ended up enrolled in the local school here in Endcliffe. The family we were fostered with were racoon shifters but couldn’t sense us yet since we hadn’t shifted. But as soon as we met Everett he knew, his alpha wolf senses were more in tune with ours, perhaps even more so because of our shared mate connection,” he says, giving me a weak smile, one which I feebly try to return.
My mind races with thoughts of what it must have been like for them growing up, unable to imagine what I would have done in the same situation. If I had been dealt the same hand in life would I be as open as he is right now? He hasn’t even spoken of his reputation as an assassin yet, and I crave to know how that all came about, but I don’t dare push. That light shining through the dark parts of his soul is even more precious and beautiful than I thought before. The fact that this man has enough warmth in his heart to thaw mine is a feat in itself, let alone how he is able to have that light despite everything he has gone through, and I don’t even know the half of it yet.
“So I get where you’re coming from, I feel that guilt too.” He takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what he’s about to divulge. “I went back to the apartment, looking for my mom and answers to why she kept the shifter status from me, but she wasn’t there. No one would tell me where she was, so I assumed she up and left, not caring to even fight to see me.”
“But that wasn’t the case?” I ask, sensing his internal struggle from the distraught expression that drains the color from his face. My fingers sweep down to trail featherlight touches across his jaw, drawing him from the memories that threaten to pull him into their dark abyss. I can sense through the bond that he wants to continue, and he gives me a grateful look, but his lips turn down just as quickly as he continues.
“When I was eighteen I hired a private investigator to track her down, and that’s when I found out she had died. She overdosed a few years after I was taken to foster care. So I’ve always wondered, what would have happened if I hadn’t called the police that day? Would I have been able to help her? To call an ambulance when she overdosed? Or would I have gotten killed by her next abusive boyfriend?”
“Zeke, you know that you did everything you could, right?” I demand, tilting his face so his eyes meet mine. Forcing him to see the sincerity blazing in my eyes, I hold his gaze until he loses some of his earlier tension. “You were just a child, you probably saved both your life and hers that night. What you did was so brave,” I say fiercely, now understanding the anger and absolution that had tinged his tone when he gripped my face and vehemently proclaimed that fault did not lay on my shoulders.
Situations are always clearer looking from the outside in. To me it’s clear cut, but to him, he’s replaying every decision he made, just as I do with my own mother’s death. I can see the truth in his earlier words without the weight of grief pressing in on me. The regret will always linger, the wish that we could turn back time and make different choices. I’ll always hold some shred of guilt for my part that led to her death, but I need to accept the forgiveness I felt pressing in on me, and believe that my mom wouldn’t have wanted me to feel this way. She would have wanted me to do right by her, to live my life to its fullest, just as she had done, and protect my family and pack.
Heat blooms in my chest as those words filter through my mind, my wolf stirring within me, the distance between us gone now, as though that was my mom’s gift to me for accepting her forgiveness.
“I know, just as I know you’re not responsible for your mom’s death. We all wish we could go back in time and change something, but that’s not the way that life works. We have to forgive ourselves, and not carry blame when it is not ours.” He smooths his hand over my hair, looking back at me tenderly. The grief seems to lift from his shoulders, his face brightening once more as though the words are sinking into his own mind. He too must be realizing the clarity we receive when looking in a situation from the inside. We need to give ourselves the same love and forgiveness we would give to others.
“Did you just read my mind?” I chuckle, curling into his embrace and letting his strong arms envelop me as he crushes me against his chest. His heartbeat thuds in my ear, and I relax into him, letting his closeness comfort me. The steady rhythm is my new favorite sound.
“It must be the bond,” he teases, his hands moving back to lightly trace the mark on my shoulder, as though he’s still coming to terms with our new reality.
We sit there for a few moments completely in silence, our bodies wrapped up in one another as we soak in both the pain and relief of our open wounds. I’m grateful to have someone to share my past with, someone to ease that burden of guilt and help me see clearly, and I will always do the same. But it doesn’t lessen the pain of bringing those memories back to the surface.
Vulnerability is a new concept to me. Even as a teenager I knew I would need to be Alpha one day, so I never let anyone get too close. In the mortal world, I knew my stay was only temporary, that no human would be able to understand my world. But with Zeke, it’s like I can finally breathe again, like the weight I’ve carried on my chest for most of my life drifts away in his presence, and somehow I know it would be the same if I let my two other mates in.
My mind drifts to thoughts of both Zeke and Arsenio, both placed in foster care as children. Zeke made sure not to discuss Arsenio’s past, knowing it’s not his story to tell, and I can understand why. Idly, I wonder about the second part of his admission, of how Everett saved his life, but I decide to leave it for now, acknowledging we’ve both shared more than enough scars for today. Perhaps that wasn’t his story to tell anyway and had already said all that he could on the matter. I guess I’ll need to wait for the growly, savage, alpha to tell me on his own. We do have a lifetime after all, as long as this conflict with the bears doesn’t rip us away from each other prematurely.
“Speaking of bonds,” Zeke says hesitantly, drawing my gaze back up to him where a mixture of anger and sadness is crackling in the depths of his eyes. “I won’t tell Everett, but now that we’ve solidified the mate bond, I need to know if things are real with your beta”—he pauses—“Monte.” He spits his name out as though it tastes bitter on his tongue. “I need to know if the engagement is real. I have my own theories, as does Everett, but I need to know if you have feelings for him.”
His lips twist into a grimace and his chest rumbles with the snarl he attempts to suppress. Tightening his hands around me, tension radiates through his body as he waits for my response. I suck in a shuddering breath knowing I need to come clean to him. I’m still clinging to the last shred of my stubborn decision to not be tied to Everett and to hide the mate bond with the Whitlock pack. Both for my own selfish reasons of wanting to hold onto those last few stones around my heart and protect it against these men that have the power to bring me to my knees if I was ever to lose them. But I know that it’s already too late for that, the ship sailed the moment I locked eyes with each of them, because although I said the words of rejection to Everett, my heart had been screaming for me to take them back. I know everything will be a constant power struggle between us, as it already was with him repeating the rejection just to make sure I didn’t have the upper hand. Plus, I’ve been playing a dangerous game with the impending marriage. But I would be lying to myself if I didn’t admit I enjoyed it.
I swallow thickly, willing the words to leave my lips, and I take some relief in the fact that he said he wouldn’t tell Everett. Clinging to that, I draw up the courage it takes to admit the truth, laying my hand at his feet and waiting for his reaction.Has this all been some ploy to get the truth from me, to lock me into this marriage with Everett and take over my pack?I push that thought aside. A few days ago, I may have been able to convince myself of that and take the coward’s way out, but after everything we just shared, after all he’s done to help me, I know the truth … that Zeke would never do anything to hurt me like that. We understand each other on a soul-deep level now, and with this revelation he’ll know the truth, that I’m in this for the long haul. I’m his and he is mine, just as his two alpha leaders—my other two mates—are irrevocably mine.
“The engagement is fake. We came up with the plan before I even knew that Everett was my mate. It was meant to be convenient so I could run my pack the way I thought I needed to. I tried to feel something like I had before, but all that is between us is friendship, nothing more,” I breathe, the words slipping from me the moment my lips part, unable to keep this from him any longer or cause any damage to our new connection. He huffs out a relieved sigh, his shoulders slumping for a moment before he presses me back into him, cradling my head against his sculpted pecs.
An excited giggle bubbles up past my lips, and I barely recognize the sound, unable to remember the last time I was truly this content, the happiness seeming even brighter after coming out the other side of the dark hole we had both had to dredge back up to find peace.
“Good, because my wolf would not be happy with having to share you with anyone other than a mate.” He chuckles, placing a kiss atop my head. “I’ll try to talk with Everett and convince him to rescind the condition of you having to marry him. But honestly, I’m not sure if that bastard will keep it in place just to spite me since we’ve solidified the bond.” Zeke groans in annoyance but his voice is still light with fondness. He can pretend all he wants, but I know the three of them share a deep bond of brotherhood with each other after what they’ve had to go through.
“Sure, youwanthim to rescind it,” I huff out on a breath of exasperation.
“Of course, I do. If it means I get to tell the world that you’re my mate then hell yes, I’ll do more than talk to him,” he declares, tipping my chin up to meet his eyes, his chest puffing out in pride. A laugh bursts past my lips, and I push away from him gently
“Watch it or your ego may just get too big for the bed.” A chill sweeps in as I put some space between us, sending a shiver to run up my spine. My body craves his warm embrace, but something niggles at the back of my mind, drawing me out of the moment, urging me to check my phone.
My stomach drops as I see the time and the missed calls from Monte and Seline, and from Silas. Fuck—how had I let myself get so lost in the moment that I didn’t even check my phone? I hadn’t even contacted any of them after the attack. I push back the negative thoughts that threaten to surge forth. Seline knew exactly who I was with, if there was something truly wrong she would have made sure I got the message.
“Judging by that look on your face I’m assuming we need to go back to reality now,” Zeke sighs. Rolling on his back, he slings an arm over his eyes dramatically to shield against the morning light streaming in through a crack in his drapes on the far wall.
“Yeah, we do,” I say, typing out a quick text to Seline before flinging my phone back on to the bedside table and rolling over to him. “But a new reality.”
I sweep my leg over his hips to straddle him, and his length presses against me, already hard just from the proximity of our naked bodies tangled together, which sends a flood of warmth straight to my core. I bite my bottom lip to hold back the whimper of desire and his gaze darkens with lust as it burns a trail along my skin, taking in every inch of my naked body bared for him, my mate. My lips descend on his without another word, his own curling into a devious grin against mine. Because despite all of the issues we need to tackle and battles that we need to fight, something between us shifted last night, and it can’t be undone. Something I would never want to reverse anyway. Tingles erupt over my skin as he grinds his cock against me, coaxing a moan from my lips.
Despite the problems it may cause, I will never regret this decision to open my heart to Zeke Andino.
Chapter Twenty
