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I hate the way that a flicker of hope lights in my chest at the sight of her. My brows furrow but some of the fog lifts from my mind, snapping me to attention. My nostrils flare as I attempt to pick out any scents, but it’s only Aria and the faint scent of Denver clinging to her skin.
“Is something wrong?” I ask, preparing for a fight. My hand falls from the column and I crouch as I prepare to shift, my instinct to protect kicking in even though there isn’t any sign of danger other than the frantic look on her face.
“Yes,” she gasps as she closes the distance between us. Her hands clasp my biceps, leaning against me slightly as she catches her breath, her grip dropping from one of my arms. I immediately pull her into me, placing my body in front of hers as I search again for the threat but there’s nothing there.
“Did Denver—”
“No,” Aria breathes, cutting me off. She turns me towards her, and I nearly break away to go search every inch of that forest before her words make me freeze. “I shouldn’t have let you walk off like that, that’s the only thing that’s wrong.”
My eyes flit between hers, searching for any sort of hidden meaning, something to make the flames of hope flickering in my chest calm down, but I find nothing. Her expression is creased with concern and sorrow, regret tingeing her blue-green eyes.
How does she do this to me? She hasn’t even said anything yet and I’m ready to throw away all the doubt I had just moments before. I can’t keep doing this though. I can’t hang on to the hint of something changing between us while she continues to block me out again.
“I don’t think—”
“I’m sorry.” She stops the words that are about to tear another hole in my chest. I nearly sigh a breath of relief at not having to say them, despite the shame that coils around my stomach at my cowardice. “I shouldn’t have frozen like that. You deserve the truth.”
My lips tighten into a thin line, still unsure how this is going to go. I don’t want to let my hopes get up just to have them come crashing down.
“You were right when you said that I let my fear of being anything like my mother control me,” she huffs out, as though just that admission is painful. “After what she did to Carter and me, leaving months after my father was killed. She abandoned not only us but the rest of the coven who needed her. I needed her, but she left me as payment for her freedom.”
She takes a deep breath, her eyes shuttering as she grounds herself. I itch to push back the strands of hair that brush against her cheek, but I force myself to remain still. She needs to get this off her chest, to finally work through all of it rather than pushing it down. She’s needed to do this for a long time.
“Instead of paving the way for generations to come and taking him as a partner, she left with him. So I guess I am more like her than I thought.” Her lips twist in disgust. My heart pangs as I realize that revulsion is directed at herself.
“Aria.” My need to comfort her overwhelms every other emotion coursing through me right now. She still grips one of my arms but as I go to wrap my arm around her back she pulls away, dropping her hold on me.
I can’t help my frown as I look down at my arm, feeling bereft with the loss of her touch.
“I need to get through this, and I don’t think I can if you comfort me right now,” she explains, a small smile playing on her lips as she looks back at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
I wish I had a camera right now, something to immortalize this moment here, with the sun shining down on her, lighting up the caramel highlights in her hair like flames dancing around her. She looks like a goddess, so real and raw with the sorrow and relief shining in her gaze. The sight takes my breath away as I try to ingrain this picture of her in my memory.
“You’re nothing like your mother, Aria,” I murmur and let my instincts guide me as I brush the strand of hair from her cheek, marveling at the color glinting off it once again. “If you were, that fear wouldn’t have the hold on you that it does. You’d never do what she did and I’d never ask you to.”
My fingers linger on her cheek and she leans into the touch, her skin soft against my rough palms. She can be so soft and delicate despite the hard shell she shows the world.
“This is it for me, Aria—you’re it.” I hate myself for opening this up, but I have to know for sure. “And I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear enough before.”
“Don’t apologize,” she sighs, reluctantly lifting her cheek from my hand. I let it drop to my side, not moving it to keep the sensation of her skin against mine humming through it. “I knew since that night on the cliff when we almost kissed. I just wanted to hold on to that shred of deniability, rather than face the truth.”
“It nearly killed me to walk away that night.” A sad smile tugs up my lips as the memories—both good and heart-wrenching—float to the surface.
The full moon hung brightly in the sky, my wolf as restless and agonized over my decision as I was. The resting place of our past Luna is a sacred place to the pack. We go there to feel her wisdom, to help guide us along the right path, and I needed all the direction I could get that night.
I was leaving town the next day, going to a human university with a small shifter dorm off campus, and I was struggling with that choice because of the woman standing before me. She must’ve seen me leaving the graduation party and followed me out there to check on me. Seeing her get out of that car was like a dream and a nightmare all at once. She was exactly who I needed there, and exactly who I was trying to avoid.
Everything seemed to be aligning that night though. I’d wrapped her in my jacket when the night breeze sent a chill along her skin. Our lips were so close I could feel the soft caress of her breath along mine. It only would’ve taken another inch to close the distance between us and taste the sweet luscious lips I’d been daydreaming about for years. But I couldn’t do it—not when I was leaving the next day. Doing that wouldn’t have been fair to her.
My wolf became restless, almost revolting against not admitting our feelings for her then and there. I had to go for a run, otherwise I would’ve spilled my guts, laying my heart on the table for her to either accept or light on fire.
“I was going to come back that next weekend, you know?” I ask. “I was planning to take you back to that cliff and tell you everything I wish I had that night.”
“But then I didn’t reply to your messages.” Her shoulders slump.
I wish I could say something to reassure her, to wipe that frown away and make sure she never has a reason to do anything but smile again, but I can’t. I was so sure that was it, that we were finally going to cross that line, but then it was nothing but silence.
“That moment on the cliff was something I’d barely let myself dream about, but when you left I let my fear get to me,” Aria admits, her eyes clouded with regret. “I convinced myself that with you gone and me leaving the next year that cutting off contact would let us both move on, but it didn’t work. I never stopped thinking about you, and when I finally saw you again it was like all those feelings came rushing back to the surface, like no time had passed at all. I knew then that I’d been so stupid when I thought that plan could ever work.”
