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Silence pressed on us. I tried not to worry. More and more, I regretted my choice to leave school. It had done nothing for me but cause thick calluses on my hands, eternal purple shadows beneath my eyes, and the threat of scandal. What had I been thinking?
Lord Claverley’s face popped into my thoughts, and I gave a revolted shutter.
Escaping an awful fate.Thatwas why I had taken such drastic measures. I closed my eyes and swallowed. My hopes were hanging on Benedict’s word.Benedict’s.A man who had no patience for me and cared little for women in general beyond the flirtation and entertainment they could provide.
I was placing my trust in him. I hoped I was not doing so in vain.
Benedict pulled a small parcel from the bench beside him I hadn’t noticed before. He unwrapped it and offered it to me. Bread, cheese, and chunks of meat sat on the thick, brown paper. “Breakfast?” he offered.
“That is much more than two people need,” I said, surprised by the quantity he presented.
A little smirk fell over his lips. “All kitchen maids might not find me appealing, but the one here seemed to like my smile well enough.”
He’d flirted for the abundance of food. Of course. Could I expect anything less? I took a chunk of cheese and a roll, though my stomach soured. “Thank you,” I said, the words bitter as they slipped over my tongue. “Should we not offer something to Charlie?”
Benedict snorted. “After the fee he’s extorting from us for use of this carriage and driving? The man can fend for himself. He was aware of that requirement before we left Brumley.”
I took a bite of my bread and looked out the window. Benedict was in no way required to provide for me, either. The cheese and bread filled my stomach as I tried not to think about that, or wonder why he did.
* * *
The final inn we stopped at was blessedly situated in a town that wasnotoverrun with young gentlemen attending a fighting match, and Benedict and I were able to obtain two separate rooms. I disappeared into mine once we arrived, too shaken after almost encountering Peter in Fremont to loiter in the dining room. My parents had entertained often in Sweden while my father was the ambassador, and while I didn’t know many of my parents’ friends personally, nor the Society members who stayed with us while abroad, there were a fair amount of members of thetonwho might recognize my face if they were to see me.
It has been said I am the exact image of my mother, so I am certain that would not aid me in remaining undetected.
These were valid reasons to hide away in my room and adequately disguised my need to be far from Benedict. Spending so much time together over the previous few days had begun to soften and thaw the anger and resentment I held strong in my iron heart, which I could not allow.
The following morning, we left the inn without any trouble, and the remainder of the day passed in agony, sitting across from Benedict without much pleasant conversation to pass the time.
“We shall arrive at Chelton long after the entire household is asleep,” Benedict said. “I’ve instructed Charlie to drop us at the door and leave the vicinity immediately. He is to go as far as Hartshorne before stopping for the night, so no one in our stables will have the opportunity to question him.”
“Wise,” I said. “And your mother? What will you tell her when she asks how we came to arrive at Chelton at the same time without a chaperone?”
He cringed. “I am hoping she is astute enough not to ask. I cannot lie to her, and she will not like the truth. If she guesses at our situation, she might very well choose to refrain from inquiring so she is not forced to demand that we face the same consequences as James and Felicity.”
I looked at my calloused fingers, smooth and hard in places. “She will not speak of it, and our reputations will remain safe,” I said with more hope than confidence. “Can you say the same for James’s wife if she is to learn the truth?” I did not know the woman, nor whether she was trustworthy.
Benedict seemed confident. “Completely. Felicity is a gem. You will love her, and you can certainly trust her.”
“Given that I cannot entirely trust you, I will certainly be forming my own opinion on the matter.”
He drew his chin in, regarding me longer than usual, enough to make me squirm slightly in my seat. “Whatever have I done to earn such censure?”
It was more what he hadnotdone. He had not been earnest in his attentions or flirtations with any young women, he had not respected anyone enough to mean what he said. He could not be trusted because he was a flirt, and flirts would say anything which served their purposes—like smile for extra breakfast or give two women identical compliments within minutes of each other. Benedict’s innocent gaze flitted over my face. He was so confused. I wanted to reach across the carriage and alter his expression myself.
“Nothing,” I said, meaning it.
“Do you not feel that we are old enough now to put aside childish bickering?”
“I certainly am.” But it was not childish hurts festering in my heart. It was the ongoing proof that Benedict was nothing if not insincere.
A muscle jumped in his cheek. The night was growing increasingly dark on the other side of the window, and his face was drawn in shadows. “Then can we not cease?”
He implored me, and it rose my hackles, straightening my back as though his words climbed up my spine and corrected it. His implication through this question that I was at fault for our disagreeable relationship was unfair. I was only half of the discord, and he made up the other half with his verbal hits and barbs.
Could I be blamed for my defensive nature around Benedict, when he had given me so many causes for needing defense?
“Is Lady Edith aware of our arrival?” I asked, hoping the alteration in conversation would put an end to his uncomfortable pleading.
