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“I will manage,” he said gallantly.
“Have you chosen to follow your father’s career, then? Last we spoke, you had yet to decide, but you were nearly certain you wanted to be a vicar yourself.”
Mr. Upshaw straightened his shoulders in preparation to answer my question. “I have. I leave for Cambridge after Twelfth Night, in fact, and I am looking forward to my future as a clergyman.”
“You will do a fine job in the role,” I agreed. “Perhaps you will take over for your father someday.” The man was getting old, but I refrained from adding that last bit aloud.
Mr. Upshaw leaned closer, excitement edging his eager energy. “Yes, exactly. I do hope to return to Bakewell and make a life here.”
The way he spoke the words, the undercurrent of his meaning, was too much for me. I scooted back in my chair, the scrape of legs against the hard floor jarring my bones. Mr. Upshaw must have sensed my unease, for he sat up straighter.
“I am envious of your confidence in your future. I am afraid to say I do not have the same certainty for my own.” I looked toward the double doors, thrown wide to allow us to see the dancers. “Do you think the set might be coming to a close soon? I would not want Lady Edith to worry.”
He was silent for a moment, but gratefully took my hint. He rose, offering me his arm. “I am not sure. Shall we go find her?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Mr. Upshaw led me back into the dance hall, and I looked for the Bradwell family. Felicity and James stood against one wall, heads bent together in quiet conversation and their hands intertwined, but Lady Edith was missing, and Benedict was . . . dancing with the silver goddess. Again. But not only dancing, he was also smiling down at her with his blasted handsome grin.
A wave of jealousy roared through me, and I tore my gaze away from them. If there was one thing I would never do, it would be to allow Benedict to win my heart.
Chapter17
THEA
The morning after the assemblies in Bakewell I skipped my early morning ride, not yet able to face the feelings that filled my chest and surged through my body—or, rather, unable to face the man who incited those feelings. I wanted to analyze the way I’d reacted to Benedict so I could decipher what had happened and determine a way to forever extinguish the spark that ignited and smoldered within me whenever he was nearby.
It was possible to accomplish. I merely had to find a way. Developing feelings for my enemy would never do.
Once all reasonable breakfast hours had come and gone and the sun had climbed wearily in the sky, I donned my habit and slipped down to the stables for my ride. Maybe I would jump the northern hedges too, just to spite my growing feelings for Benedict.
The grooms had Luna saddled relatively quickly, and I took my seat, analyzing the horses and glad to see Jasper happily resting in his stall. I couldn’t avoid Benedict forever, but I would do my best to avoid him today. I feared I could no longer hide behind the curtain of disdain that had thus far protected me from his charm.
Luna led me from the house and up into the hills, as if she understood innately where I wanted to go. Our ride wasn’t bruising, but the slow, methodical walk of a horse taking her time. I enjoyed the steady pace, breathing in the cold December air. Christmas was only a week away, and I was afraid the holiday would bring snow with it, as it often seemed to do. Once the snow fell in earnest, riding would become increasingly more uncomfortable. For now, though, I could manage.
The Grecian temple appeared, and I was surprised to find a cart parked at one of the trees behind it, a mule waiting patiently in its harness. Felicity stepped close to one of the columns and shaded her eyes to see me, and I was relieved to find her there and not a stranger.
“Am I interrupting?” I called, bringing Luna to a stop before the folly. “I can come another time.”
“No, not at all.” She held a book, her finger tucked in the closed pages to mark the place she was reading. “I would love the company.”
I doubted that. She had come out here, apparently, to read in peace. In the near-freezing shade of a faux-Grecian temple. I had enjoyed the odd novel or two, but I would never allow myself to suffer such coldness while reading when there was a perfectly warm house available.
Luna stepped forward, and I slid onto the ground before leading her to a tree apart from Felicity’s mule and tying her reins to the low branch. “Do you often come out here to read?” I asked, mounting the stone steps to reach Felicity.
“Yes, though it’s nearly becoming too cold for it.” She walked around the curved exterior to a stone bench and lifted the wool blanket resting there. She arranged it over the entirety of the bench, then looked at me. “It does help keep out the cold a little. The stone feels much like ice without it.”
I sat beside Felicity, and my breath nearly caught at the glorious view before us. I’d seen it many times before, and it never ceased to awe me. “It’s breathtaking.”
“Evidently, James’s grandmother came here to paint when she was alive. Her husband had it built for her.”
“I recall something about that, now that you say so. Can you imagine a man loving you so dearly that he would build a folly for your pleasure?”
She looked at me sideways. “In fact, I can.”
Oh, of course. “James would do something of that nature,” I said. He loved his wife deeply, was so devoted to her that watching them sometimes made my stomach clench in envy. “Given the way your relationship began, I think you are a lucky woman.”
Felicity tilted her head to the side a bit. “I would agree that I was lucky to find him in the library that night, but that is not the whole of it. More than that, I was fortunate that such a good man was found with me. That a man with such good character offered for my hand.”
