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“Farmer—” Lady Edith cast her gaze to the ceiling. “You cannot say such things, Thea. Some people willbelieveyou.”
“As they should. It is not such an outlandish thing. I have not entirely ruled out any man in any position.”
“A gentleman farmer? Is that what you are considering for your future?”
I wrinkled my nose and played with the sheer pink overskirt on my dinner gown. “Only if I love him.”
“Your mother would never have permitted it,” Lady Edith said, her eyebrows lifting.
My stomach clenched in discomfort, for it was true. When I used to sit and watch Mother prepare for dinners or balls in much the same way I was doing now with Lady Edith, Mother would speak of the dukes and earls I would dance with and the lords she planned to introduce me to when we returned to England. My coming out was equally anticipated between Mother and me, and eagerly planned and prepared for. She would sweep rouge across my cheekbones, her eyes glittering over her beautiful smile, and excite my spirit for the day I would enter the marriage mart.
It was strange to feel guilty for allowing that dream to wither and fade, but Mother was no longer here, and despite the future she’d wanted for me, the life she had led was not one I would submit my heart to. If I did not marry for love, to a man who intended to have me fill his heart so full that there was no room for others, then I would not marry at all.
“My mother isn’t here to permit it or not, and next year I will be my own mistress.”
The maid completed Lady Edith’s toilette and stepped back, and my godmother turned on her small, tufted seat to face me. “When you are in London, enjoying the Season, ask yourself if your mother would be satisfied with your choices. Felicity is a good judge of character, and I value her opinion, so I would also beg you to askherif she is satisfied with your choices as well. Sometimes we need another’s insight in order to understand if we are making the right decision, and sometimes we need only to listen to the inner workings of our hearts. The wisdom comes in determining which of the two is necessary for you.”
I nodded. My instinctual reaction was to brush off her advice, for I knew it aligned with my mother’s: find a wealthy, titled husband of good standing. The truth to her words sunk into my understanding, though, and I could not deny the power of listening to my heart or others’ sage advice.
“Do not squander this opportunity merely out of spite, Thea,” Lady Edith continued, concern edging her words.
I sat straighter in my chair. “Me? Spiteful? Absurd.”
She gave a rueful laugh. “Sometimes I do wonder if you are listening, but then you prove me wrong.”
“I am always listening,” I assured her as I rose and shook out the skirt of my gown. “But whether or not I heed the advice is another matter.”
We moved toward the door together, and the impending dinner and guests we were to greet settled on my chest with a dooming heaviness. Lord and Lady Claverley were coming to dine, and I was already preparing to dance delicately between being polite and keeping my distance.
“Lord Claverley will speak to me tonight, and I will secure your official release from the agreement,” Lady Edith said. “Though it might be best to inform him of the new development with your inheritance.”
“If I do, then news of my brother will spread, even before I have the opportunity to meet him.”
She seemed to consider this. “That is something you wish to keep a secret?”
“I hoped to, yes, at least until I make his acquaintance. I do not know if an entrance into Society is something he even requires or desires, and I do not know if he lives in England or in Sweden. There is too much unknown to make him known to such a censorious group as theton.”
“I understand. We will do our best to void the agreement without mentioning him.”
“Thank you, Lady Edith.” I stopped at the door and pulled her into a hug. “Thank you for everything.”
She blustered a bit. “Yes, well, I am certain if our situations were reversed, your mother would have done just the same for any of my sons.”
I spun the ring on my finger and considered the truth of her words. My mother, indeed, would have done the same.
We went down to wait for our guests in the antechamber, and Felicity and James joined us. They crossed the room to greet us, and Benedict followed shortly after. The energy between us had been tenuous since the assemblies, no doubt due to my discomfort in his presence. I could not see the man without imagining the silver goddess on his arm and the way he’d smiled warmly down at her. He had directed the same warmth at me, and I had been mistaken in thinking it had meant something.
I would not allow my heart to become engaged to a man who would treat it with equal regard to other young ladies. Icouldnot. But putting Benedict from my mind was much simpler in theory than in practice.
“It only recently occurred to me,” Benedict said, joining us near the blazing fire, “that I set Cousin Matthew up to believe Thea and Felicity are the very best of friends, andthatis why Thea has chosen to accompany James and Felicity to London for the Season.”
“How could that have only recently occurred to you when you must have told Claverley weeks ago?” James asked.
“Well, the part I recently realized is that I forgot to mention it to any of you.” He flashed a wide smile. “If we are to keep up the ruse, you need to be aware of it.”
“I can do that,” I said. “I like Felicity, so it will not be a great trial.”
Felicity’s cheeks pinked. “I can say the same, of course.”
