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She stared at me, and I willed her to see through my chest into the recesses of my heart, how it beat for her, how I longed for her.
“We are to go to Bath first, to meet my half-brother.”
“I will be there to support you, as a friend.”
“A friend.”
“I would be happy to be more than that, but you will not permit it. I must settle for friendship.” As much as I felt it would hurt to remain near her, I could not leave her now. Not when she was about to face her fears personified.
“Friendship,” she repeated, as though wondering what deception I was preparing.
“Yes. It is natural for friends to travel to London together and attend all manner of balls, dinners, and card parties.”
Thea shook her head, but a smile tipped her lips. “Is it also natural to confess your feelings to your friend, then pretend it did not occur?”
“I have no intention of pretending anything,” I said, keeping my voice steady despite the warring emotions within me. “I do have every intention of continuing to fight for you.”
Thea turned away and looked over the rolling golden hills.
I had every intention of being there to support her when it was time to meet her half-brother, of being at the balls when she was presented to suitors, of watching out for my awful cousin and keeping reprobates like him away from her. I could prove to this woman, over time, that I meant what I said.
“You are being ridiculous.”
“No, Thea.” Forget what my brother said about allowing Thea to win. In this, I never could, for it meant not having the opportunity to be with her. “I am going towin.”
* * *
My renewed determination to become a fixture in Thea’s life played a role in the ache I again felt to own land. Now, more than ever, I felt the growing desire to put my name on a deed and sink my roots deep into the ground, to create a home I could bring her to. When Thea and I returned from our ride, I located James playing chess with his wife in the parlor. He agreed to meet with me later in the afternoon to draft offer letters for each of the two houses, and I set off in search of Henry. I found him at a table in the library with a quill and paper before him.
“Will you be coming to London or remaining here?”
He looked up, his confusion quickly clearing as his mind returned to the present. Whatever letter he was writing, it was taking him out of this room and into an entirely different world.
“Sorry. What did you ask?”
I pulled out a chair opposite my brother, and he shifted a bit to hide the letter he was writing. “Are you coming to London, or did you choose to remain here with Mother?”
“Should I remain with Mother?” he asked. “I had decided to come, but it did not occur to me that we would all be leaving her. I would hate for her to grow lonely.”
“Yes, and you are such scintillating company.”
He flattened his lips into a wry smile. “I am certainly better than nothing. I might not be spirited, but I can carry a conversation.”
“Yes you can, with the very best of them. You should showcase that skill in Town.”
“I’d planned on coming, but not attending—”
“Yes, yes. I do know.” I rose from my chair. Henry was clearly in the middle of something, and I did not wish to further disrupt him.
“What is it you needed?” he asked, his voice level.
“Nothing. I would much prefer you to come with us to Town.”
“Is there a service I can provide you if I remain at Chelton?”
“No. I . . .” I lowered myself in the seat again. “It is only that I am going to write to Bumpton and Kellinger both with offers. If you were to remain here, I wanted you to forward me any replies, but I will make sure to inform them of our London address so they might correspond with me directly.”
Henry nodded. “It is wise to consider both estates. Gather all information before making your decision.”
