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“Yes, of course it is. It’s just…” How do I explain what’s going on without sounding like a tart?
“Just what?”
“Things have changed. I’ve changed.”
“Change isn’t a bad thing,” she says as we walk to her car. “I would be surprised if things didn’t change.”
“What do you mean?”
As she pops the trunk, she asks, “How’s Saxon?”
I almost trip over my feet, giving away my dilemma. “He’s okay.”
“Just okay?” She stops by the car, giving me a knowing smile.
“He’s really incredible. I never thought he could be so…caring and supportive and just a really amazing guy.” She waits for me to continue. “Something has shifted between us, Mom,” I confess, feeling so damn guilty.
I expect disappointment, but all I get is warmth. “Why is that such a bad thing? It’s wonderful you two are getting along so well.”
I lower my eyes, ashamed we’re getting along a little too well. “He makes me happy.”
“Honey, you’re allowed to be happy. Whoever you find that happiness with is your choice. Don’t feel guilty for living. Samuel’s condition is a perfect example of grabbing life by the…”
“I got it,” I interrupt with a grin. “Thanks, Mom.”
I instantly feel better. I still feel guilty, but she’s right. Life is too short to live in the dark.
As we’re going through my things, my cell beeps, indicating that I have a text. As I see who it’s from, I can’t help but smile. It’s a picture message of the fields of sunflowers we rode past. They look just as beautiful today as they did yesterday.
“Is that from Saxon?” my mom asks.
Snapping my head up, I nod sheepishly. “How’d you know?”
Wrapping her arms around me, she reveals, “Because you look happy.”
Seventeen
“I really think we madeprogress, Luce,” Piper says, switching from a red dress to a beige dress as she interchanges hangers while looking in the full-length mirror.
I peer up from the middle of the floor where I’ve set up camp, flicking through my journals.
Today went from weird to weirder. After my parents left, Sam and I cleared away anything breakable and made room for the army Piper has invited. This led to Sam asking about certain items and what meaning they have. I told him the porcelain horse was a statue he bought for me when I turned twenty-one. The photo sitting in the wooden frame on the mantel was taken when we visited New York to watch The Knicks. By the end, I had detailed the history of over twenty items, Sam appearing genuinely curious and interested while listening to each story.
It was nice reliving the happy moments between us because there haven’t been many of late. Well, not with Sam, anyway.
“He was on his phone most of the time though. I wonder who he was texting.”
It was me, I silently reply.
Sam and I had transformed our home into a frat house in under three hours and it was fun. We actually chatted while doing it and in a weird way, it was like we were getting to know one another again. He asked questions about himself, about me, and about his future. It was just like the old times. But when I bounced down the hall and into my bedroom, my chiming cell revealed that the old times are dead and gone.
I had about twenty text messages from Saxon, all asking if I was okay and if Sam was causing me problems. His concern was really touching, but it made me feel guilty, like Sam was the bad guy.
I still can’t help but think how long will this last? Or is this change for good? If so, what does that mean for Saxon and me? Will he go? Will we stop being friends? We’ve bonded because of what happened to Sam, and because of it, Saxon promised to take care of me. But what happens if I need to take care of Sam? What happens if things go back to the way they were?
Those questions plague my mind as I sit in the middle of my room, skimming through my diaries, discovering who I once was. I don’t feel like the same Lucy Tucker. I feel like I’ve grown.
“Piper, have I always been so pathetic?”
