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My life was perfect, or so I thought. But now I know there is no such thing. Life isn’t about perfection; it’s about experiencing imperfection, to appreciate every imperfect breath you take.
Saxon Stone is my fiancé’s identical twin brother and I think…I’m in love with him. I don’t know how it happened, it just did. It certainly wasn’t planned and if I could take it back…I wouldn’t.
The Samuel I once knew is no longer, but if today, right this second, he “woke” up and remembered who he was, who I was, would I be happy? Would I want to go back to the way things were? I don’t know.
I’ve swam in rough waters. I’ve treaded high tides. And I’ve survived. I’ve found myself in unpolluted recklessness, but I’ve never felt more alive. I am who I am because of this god awful nightmare, but sometimes we have to experience loss to appreciate what we have.
I have Saxon, or had, but now—I don’t know what I’ve got. Samuel seems to want to try, but is it too late? Has that ship sailed?
There are so many questions, ones I don’t have the answers for. But there is one answer which is clearer than any others, and that is, I can’t let Saxon go.
* * * * *
For the next four hours, I sit in front of the bay window, searching for any sign of Saxon. I’ve looked high and low, but he doesn’t want to be found.
Samuel drove Piper home, sensing that I needed space. And he’s right. I need space from everyone but Saxon. I need to talk to him. I need to find out what this all means.
I’m biting my nails anxiously, watching the yard for any movement, hopeful that Saxon will come back. He does.
The moment I see his tall figure crossing the yard, I leap up from my seat and run through the house and out the back door. Saxon sees me running towards him, but he turns up his lip and continues walking with no intention of stopping.
“Saxon! We need to talk!” I don’t keep the panic from my tone; I want him to know that I’m afraid—afraid of losing him.
“I’ve got nothing to say,” he bites back, his eyes hard.
“Cut the bullshit!” I cry, running after him as he stalks past me. “You’re angry at me for having sex with Sam. Why? You had no qualms sleeping with Piper, so why am I the bad guy?”
“I don’t care, Lucy. You can fuck whoever you want.” His venomous words are contradictory to his claims.
“And you call me a liar. I think you need a long, hard look in the mirror. I’m sorry if me sleeping with Sam hurt your feelings. For the record, it wasn’t any good. Terrible, in fact. The whole time I was thinking, why am I doing this?” I confess, not caring that I’m sharing it all.
“Why did you do it then?” he screams, finally stopping and turning to look at me.
“I don’t know!” I cry, pulling at my hair.
“Liar,” he counters, shaking his head. “I thought you were different, but you’re not.”
“Please, don’t go. Stay here with me.”
He scoffs, his face contorted. “Stay here and watch you play happy family with Sam? No thank you. Been there, done that.” He closes his eyes the moment his confession passes his lips.
“What?” I gasp. “What are you talking about?”
“Forget it. Forget I said anything.” He storms off, but I refuse to let this be.
“Saxon! What does that mean? You were what…into me when we were kids?” I ask, hating how conceited I sound, but what else does this all mean?
“Get over yourself, Lucy,” he sniggers, yanking the door open and stomping through the house. I follow in hot pursuit.
“Talk to me, you stubborn asshole!” I grab his forearm, forcing him to look at me, but he’s stronger than I am. Before I can retreat, he’s got me pinned up against the wall.
His chest is pressed to mine, our breaths are ragged and rough, and his darkened eyes reveal he’s about to pounce. “When you look at me—” he growls “—do you see him?” He doesn’t need to clarify who he’s referring to. “What about when I kissed you? Did you think about him?”
My mouth opens and closes, gasping for air, as Saxon’s heated words are robbing me of breath. However, as he reaches between us and cups my mound, I choke, almost certain I’m seconds away from passing out.
“What about if Ifuckedyou, Lucy? Do you think you’d compare who the better fuck was?”
My cheeks heat, my body trembles, and I get so incredibly turned on by his sexual aggression, I know he can feel it through the thin cotton of my shorts. I want him to kiss me. To tear off my clothes and take me right here, but I know that won’t happen because he’s waiting for me to answer him.
