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“Cleo was right. This is my fault.” I close my eyes, the hollowness eating away at me.
“No, this is not your fault. It was an accident.”
“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but if it wasn’t for me…Saxon wouldn’t be where he is today. Not only have I broken his heart…I’ve now broken his spirit as well.” I don’t want to cry, but I can’t keep these emotions at bay. How am I supposed to live with myself knowing what I’ve done?
“You stop that, you hear?” Hogan spins me around to face him. “You made that boy happier than he’s ever been in his entire life. All he did was talk about you, and when he wasn’t, he was thinking about you. You could see it every time you crossed his mind. You were his light, and if he dies in that bed—” an empty sob escapes me “—you need to know that it was his choice to go. And he wouldn’t have this any other way. He’d rather be where he is than living a life without you.” I can’t stand it any longer and fall into Hogan’s arms, weeping.
“He was going to propose,” I reveal around my tears. The evidence lies deep in my pocket. “And he f-forgave m-me.”
“Shh.” Hogan consoles me while I break, unsure if I’ll ever mend again.
Once I finished sobbing, I excused myself because I needed some time alone. There was only one place for silence, where most people seek solace. But before I lost myself in the stillness, I had to do something once and for all.
The pregnancy test lies in my bag, and as I sit in the chapel, I wonder what happens when I find out the results. Which way do I want the scales to tip?
I’m on my own, but I suppose you’re never really alone when in a place of worship, and the small confines are surprisingly comforting, providing the support I need. Taking a deep breath, I reach into the front pocket of my bag, my fingers passing over the test—the tiny strip which will change my life forever.
However, panic hits me and I freeze, terrified of finding out the result.Please, if anyone is out there listening in, give me a sign that it’ll be okay, whatever the result may be.A ray of sunshine beams down, lighting up the stained-glass window in all its beauty. Focusing, I see that the imagery is that of a young child, holding someone’s hand. Nothing but love and happiness radiate from this image, and a sense of peace grips me tight.
Waving goodbye to my fears, I draw out the test, the one I took in the bathroom earlier and watch the world change around me. I thought I’d be manic, but I’m not. I’m nothing but calm.
“Oh my, Lucy…you’re… pregnant?” my Mom asks. She’s chosen the right moment to come find me.
“Yes, Mom, I am.” I’ve never needed my mom’s touch more than I do right now. She is aware of my silent plea and offers me the love only a mother can give—a love I now possess. She pulls me to her chest like I’m five years old, and I cling to her like I am. She promises that things will be okay, but it has to be. It’s not just me anymore.
“Sweetie, I’m so sorry. We came as soon as Sam called. We tried calling you…”
“I know. It’s okay. There’s no need for apologies. I’m here now, and that’s all that matters.” I unfold myself from her hold because eventually, I will have to face this reality.
She appears just as fatigued as I am. “How far along are you?”
Shrugging, I shamefully confess, “I don’t know. I’ve been feeling sick for a while. I just thought it was stress.”
“You’ve been through so much. It is so unfair.” She gently rubs my arm. “I just came from Saxon’s room. Sam told me what the doctor said.”
I nervously tug at the frayed hole in my jeans. “And what do you think?” Her response has the power to destroy me.
“I think now is all the more time to fight.” She glances down at the test in my lap. “Saxon is strong. Talk to him. If anyone can bring him back, it’s you. And now—” gently placing a hand on my stomach, she smiles “—he has even more reason to wake up. He has to. He has to look after my…grandbaby.” Her pause is my undoing, and I don’t stand a chance.
Tears fill my eyes, as do hers, but in this ugliness, we’ve finally found something to smile about. Miracles can happen it seems.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you were in here.”
Both my mom and I wipe away our tears as I hurriedly hide the pregnancy test in my bag. “It’s okay, Sam,” I say over my shoulder as he’s halfway out the door. Earlier, I was running on pure emotion, and although I stand by my convictions, fighting with him is not the solution.
“I’ll leave you to it.” Mom kisses my forehead, leaving me alone with Sam.
Facing forward, unable to tear my gaze from the stained-glass window, I wait for him to come over. He does a moment later. “I’m sorry,” he says heavily, sitting beside me. “I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Neither do I.”
He runs his hands through his snarled hair, blowing out an exasperated breath. “I just want to do what’s right. Sax is the strong one. He always knew what to do. Tell me what to do.”
He’s giving me a get out of jail for free card, but I can’t decide this for him. “Do what’s right.” It’s the only piece of advice I can give him.
This can be applied to our entire relationship, but we’re way past that. But this, now, this is his second chance to seek salvation. “I don’t know what that is anymore. This is all my fault.”
We’re both heavy with the burden of guilt. “This is as much my fault as it is yours. As it was the other driver. Or the road he was riding on. No one chooses their fate. It just…happens. Whatever you choose, you’ll have to live with it for the rest of your life. I know you’ll make the right choice.”
