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Greg’s response adds to the ache in my chest, and a flicker of humanity passes over Kellie. “What have the doctors said?”
“They’ve said it’s time we turned off his life support.” I know I’m being awfully blunt, but I can’t sugarcoat this. There is no nice way around it. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
“Samuel? What did you say?”
“I didn’t say anything,” he counters.
She recoils, confused. “Whatever do you mean?” This is not going to be pretty.
“I’ve signed power of attorney over to Lucy.”
“What?But, but you’re his brother.” To hear Kellie stutter is a rare thing.
“And she’s the love of his life.” The wounds of our broken relationship are still raw for Sam, so I can only imagine how hard that was for him to say. I smile in gratitude.
“This is absurd. I’m going to call Fred.” Fred Egan is their family lawyer.
Sam takes a measured breath. He is beyond livid. “So help me god, if you do, I will never forgive you.”
“You’re just emotional. Not thinking right.” She attempts to coax him to see reason,herreason, but Sam won’t budge.
“Yes, I am. I’ve been with my brother this past week, watching him deteriorate before my eyes. Where have you been?” He spreads his arms out wide while she takes a step back. Greg appears guilt ridden as he averts his gaze.
“You’re so quick to forget everything that’s happened.”
Sam’s had enough, and his anger startles me. He storms forward, leveling her with nothing but pure anger. “It’s because of everything that I’m doing this. I owe him this. I failed him once before. I won’t make the same mistake again.”
Sam is the only person, it appears, who can strip down Kellie’s walls. She purses her trembling lips. “I’m always the bad guy.”
“Then stop acting like one. Go in there and see your son!” He’s had enough and marches off, running both hands through his hair.
As I’m watching on stunned, it seems the surprises just keep on coming. “Whatever you decide, we will support you. Saxon loves you, Lucy, he always has. He would want you to be the one.” He chokes on a sob while tears sting my eyes.
“Thank you, Greg. That means more than you’ll ever know.” Kellie is out of sorts, but deep down, I don’t think she’s all bad. A small part of her still loves Saxon. She wouldn’t be here otherwise. I excuse myself, needing time to clear my head.
Deciding to take a walk before I see Saxon, I head in no real direction and allow my feet to lead me. It’s cold out, the punishing wintry weather identical to how I’m feeling within. Sam’s gift weighs heavily in my pocket because I’m holding Saxon’s fate in my hands.
Sam seems to have faith in me. That I’ll make the right decision. But every shred of my body is screaming at me for even considering another route. The thought of ending Saxon’s life… I could never forgive myself, but images flash before me of seeing him thrashing violently in that bed. Of seeing him withering away into someone he’s not.
Saxon’s spirit, his essence is caged, locked in a vessel that is sinking to a watery grave. I will never be okay with whatever decision I choose, but which is the lesser of two evils? I keep him hooked up to those machines, watching them pump artificial life into him, replacing his spirit. Or I set him free.
Folding my arms around myself, I know what I should do, but once again, my head and my heart are on opposite ends of the world. I just…I just want more time. I’m not ready to say goodbye. We haven’t even lived. A sob rattles in my chest because I’m toeing the line of right and wrong, but nothing about this is even remotely right.
Saxon is going to be a father…he gave the little being inside me life, and now, I’m about to take his away. With each step I take, I come closer to what I need to do. I’m not doing this because of my lack of love for Saxon…no. It’sbecauseof my love, my undying love for him that I’m doing what I must.
He has taught me many things, but now, I have to take away the one lesson I never believed until now. Iamstrong. And brave. Saxon told me this time and time again. He saw strength in me that I never thought I had, but I believe that courage is there because he loved me, wholeheartedly. He never gave up on me…I was given this life because I am strong enough to live it. And now, I have to be strong enough for the both of us because it’s not just me anymore.
Rubbing my stomach, it comforts me to know that a part of Saxon will always remain. His child will grow strong, and I will honor our love by setting him free. But my memories, they’ll keep him alive, forever in my heart, and no one,no onecan take that away from me.
A glimmer of sunshine, some may call it hope, peeks through the clouds, and dark gives way to light. From this moment forward, there will always be a small piece of dark in my light, but I can live with that…just as long as I live for him…because that’s what he would want me to do.
Turning on my heel, I make my way back to the hospital, needing to see him one last time. But the man who lies in that bed is not the man I will remember. He’s not the man I fell in love with, with every piece of my heart. You can’t cage a free spirit like Saxon Stone. It’s time to let him fly free.
As I walk down the hallway, a sense of clarity washes over me, and this is the most lucid I’ve felt in a long time. My steps are measured, and my breath is steady. This may be the calm before the storm, but storms can’t last forever.
With that as my forethought, I decide to email Sophia. She loved Saxon, her actions proved this, and although she played dirty, I can’t blame her for trying. I would have done the same thing. Love makes you do crazy things…I think my entire story proves this. This is closing a chapter and moving on. I don’t want to hold anymore grudges—life is too short.
Just as I’m about to walk into Saxon’s room, Sam’s beaten voice catches the air. “I wish I could do for you what you did for me. You woke me up. Every single word, I know you said to save me. You sacrificed your feelings for Lucy because you loved her that much. And it isn’t until now that I realize that. You’ve always saved me, Saxon.” He sniffs back his tears. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t do the same for you. I love you, man, and I’m sorry. So sorry.”
