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“That’s it?” I question, disgusted he would respond this way. I shouldn’t expect more from him, but this is the first time I’ve mentioned my grandparents. “That’s all y’ve got to say for yerself?”
“What do ya want me to say, lad? That yer ma was a saint?”
“Ach, shut yer mouth!” I warn, my temper about ready to explode.
“I will not,” he counters. “Yer so desperate for the truth, here it is. Yer ma was not the angel ya think she was. She was out fuckin’ every man in town while I was the one who changed yer nappies. Made sure ya were fed!”
I shake my head, refusing to believe him.
“Aye, yer grandparents were right…shewasleavin’ me ’cause I kicked her out. Our marriage was over because the secret…the one she thought she could ruin me with, is that she was fucking Brody Doyle!”
“What?” I stagger back, unable to process what he just said. There’s no way, no way she was sleeping with a Doyle. “I don’t believe ya.”
“Believe whatcha want,” he spits, unmoved. “I never told ya any of this ’cause I didn’t wanna hurt ya, lad. But yer so fucking stubborn. So this is the truth, the truth ya asked for. Once ya know this, cub, ya can’t take it back.”
“Know what?” I question, because this is the answer I’ve been searching for my entire life.
Dad runs a hand through his hair, and for the first time in his life, he looks exhausted. “Yer ma was killed because she was fucking Brody Doyle and wanted more. He didn’t. She became a nuisance, and once he had his fun, he disposed of her. It’s that simple. There was no drug war. No war over turf. Yer uncle and I made that up to spare yer feelin’s.”
“Yer a fucking liar!” I scream, tears of anger stinging my eyes.
“I may be a bastard, but a liar, I am not. That’s why I did nothin’. She got what she deserved for fucking my enemy. I never fought for her because she gave me nothin’ to fight for. She made her choice, Puck.”
“Ye’d say anythin’ to save yer arse! She’s not here to defend herself.”
“Ya don’t believe me? Ask yer uncle,” he says, knowing how that’ll hurt me. “The reason I’ve been so tough on ya is ’cause…when I look at ya, all I see is yer ma, and her betrayal.”
My brain cannot accept his words. They’re lies. All lies. “I’m still yer son! Both yours and Mum’s!” I bellow, arms out wide, but when he lowers his eyes, I realize I’ve misread this entire story and what her betrayal really means.
“Naw, Puck, that’s the thing…I don’t know that ya are.”
For the first time in my life, Connor Kelly has shocked me beyond words, and the reason for that is because I believe him.
It makes sense why he’s been so cruel to me. Sometimes, he looks at me like I’m nothing but a stranger, the enemy, and I understand why that is.
“Who’s my father then?” I ask in vain because I know, I know but I need him to shatter my world beyond repair.
He sighs, appearing beaten as he shakes his head. “I don’t know.”
“Ack, bullshit! Don’t stop now.”
When he refuses to answer me, I advance and shove him in the chest. He staggers back, as this is the first time I’ve laid my hands on him.
“Don’t start somethin’ ya can’t finish,” he cautions, giving me one chance and one chance only to retreat.
But that ship has sailed.
“Let’s finish this then, aul’ lad, once and for all. Tell me who I am.”
It’s a standoff, and only one man will be left standing.
“Are ya away in the head, lad? I told ya…I don’t know!”
Looks like he needs some encouragement.
Without hesitation, I strike out and connect with my da’s jaw. His head snaps back with a satisfying crack. This is the first time I’ve hit him, and I’m instantly addicted to the taste.
“Let’s try again,” I smartly say, grinning as he wipes away the blood trickling from his mouth with the back of his hand.
