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There are burnt-out candles all over the floor and in the alcoves of the walls, solving the no electricity problem. The atmosphere is haunting. No wonder ghost stories thrive here. Hannah told me this is where the local kids go to hang out, get bladdered, and scare each other with tales of the boogeyman—aka me.
Peering upward, I see sunlight streaming in from the holes in the ceiling. The once polished floors are now ruined after being exposed to the harsh elements over the years. There are etchings in the stonework of people who have come and gone.
I run my fingers over the engravings, wondering if the initials of the lovers inside the hearts are still in love. They clearly wanted to make their union known to others, but nothing lasts forever.
Once I’m done with the tour inside the castle, I walk out the back door and into the vast fields. I stand still and tip my face to the heavens. So many memories crash into me. I loved it back here—it’s where my mum’s gardens once were.
The rose brooch tingles in my pocket, and on instinct, I dig my hand into my pocket, fingering over it. “I’ll replant them for ye, Ma,” I avow aloud. “I’ll make this place what it once was.”
I walk through the grounds, taking in the unkept state. It hurts to see it this way because this castle has been in my family for generations. It angers me that Sean, a Kelly, doesn’t seem to give a fuck about that. He’s allowed it to wither away and, instead, used it for his corrupt ways—like meeting Ethan here.
My jaw clenches at the thought.
I make my way to the stable yard building. The gardens are overgrown and littered with bottles and feg butts. When I come up over the hill and see it, I sigh, overwhelmed. This place was my sanctuary, the place where I could grieve for the life I never wanted to live.
I walk the same paths I did ten years ago, but so much has changed. That boy didn’t know who he was destined to become. I’m surprised the door is still intact. It’s unlocked, of course, so I open it and peer inside. The interior is different, but the feelings are still the same—I’m home.
Walking into my gaff, I stand in the middle of the room, taking everything in. My possessions are long gone, but the memories will never fade. I close my eyes, and all I see is Babydoll. I can hear her laughter, her breathless moans as we lost ourselves in one another over and over again.
I remember the way she tested me, refusing to back down. She was the strongest person I knew.
Her scent, her taste is amplified in here as this was our private oasis where the outside world didn’t exist. It was us versus them. I miss her so fucking much.
I never allowed myself to think of her because when I did, all I felt was this—this gaping hole in my chest. I never knew what love was, but now I know that I loved Babydoll with every fiber of my being. There wasn’t a specific event or time when I fell for her; it was simply inevitable.
Being apart from her is like missing a part of me, and now that I know she isn’t my sister, I can’t stop thinking about how she made me feel. I want that feeling back.
I wanther.
And just like that…I get my wish…and I can finally breathe again after ten long years.
“…Hi, Punky.”
