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The entry is dated when I was ten years old, which surprises me. Why is he looking at these old passages?
Connor is at it again—treating me like some eejit. He believes his kingdom is impenetrable. But soon, he will see that it’s not.
He’s hard on Punky. I wonder if it’s because he knows he isn’t his wain?
I know Cara would be disgusted in us both.
I often wonder if maybe I should take Puck away from this? He loves and respects me. I know he wishes I was his dad. If only he knew the truth. That I really am his father. But I know nothing of being a dad. I would only destroy him.
But when I rule, I’d like it to be with my son.
That’s not possible, though. Punky was born a leader, and I admire him for that.
I slam the journal shut, suddenly feeling uncomfortable reading a passage where Sean speaks so…fondly of me. Why is he reading these? Why is he digging up the past?
I’ve had enough reminiscing for the evening, so I carefully stand and decide to shower and catch a few hours’ sleep.
I send Cian a text first, however. It simply says:
I’m sorry. I’m here. Always.
He won’t want to see anyone. That’s how Cian is. But I want him to know I’m here if he needs me. I don’t know what happened to Amber, but no doubt, this was Liam’s or Sean’s doing. I only hope no one else loses their life to this never-ending war.
Ethan proved he can look after himself and those he loves. He doesn’t need protection. He is the toughest, most courageous man on my side.
Closing the door to the bathroom softly, I strip out of my bloody clothes, the events of the past…ten years catching up to me. Running a hand down my face, I decide to shave first.
Lathering the shaving gel onto my face, I reach for my razor but stop when the door opens, and Babydoll appears. She looks like she’s just woken up.
“Did I wake ya?”
She shakes her head, closing the door behind her.
She doesn’t speak, and I wonder if something is wrong. But when she gestures for the razor, I understand what she wants. Shaving is just a façade for what she really seeks.
I offer it to her.
She slides between me and the sink, her front facing mine. My body’s natural response to Babydoll is to shove her back against the wall and fuck her senseless. But I allow her this; this act of normalcy is what she needs.
I know the death of Amber hasn’t sunk in.
She commences shaving me carefully, her tender eyes watching her strokes cautiously. I trust her completely and savor being tended to this way, but only with her.
“I’m the world’s worst sister,” she says softly, never breaking concentration. “I haven’t spent any time with Eva since this entire ordeal started.”
“She’s safe with Ethan.”
“Who would have thought my sister and your brother?”
Again, it touches me that Ethan is referred to as being my brother.
“We can’t help who we love.”
She nods, appearing pensive over what I shared.
“Is that why you were reading Sean’s journals?”
Curiosity got the better of her, no surprise there.
