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“I don’t know why I took them,” I confess, trying to keep still as she shaves my cheek. She’s careful around the scar. “I hate him, and there is no doubt he will die by my hand. But I don’t understand him. I don’t understand how greed could change a person the way it has him.
“Those journals, they were from when I was a child. I found them in his drawer. Why would he be lookin’ at them? He has destroyed my life, but he’s lookin’ at journal entries from when I was a wain? Why? Why is he reminiscin’?
“It doesn’t make any sense.”
“You don’t understand him because you could never be like him,” she says softly. “I know you see yourself as a monster, but you’re not. You’re nothing like him.”
Even though I’ve never said it, Babydoll knows I’m afraid that I’m exactly like him. Truth be told, Sean has been the only father figure in my life. Connor was nothing like a father to me, but Sean was. He protected me, which to this day, I still don’t understand why.
Was he trying to shape me into his puppet, knowing it would come to this one day?
Killing him without answers will eat away at me for the rest of my life.
“It’s okay to feel bad,” she lightly states as she finishes shaving me.
Reaching for a washcloth, she runs it under the warm water and gently wipes it over my face. The act is so tender, I instantly feel relaxed.
“I didn’t want to accept it when Brody died, but even after everything he did, I still felt bad that he died. A part of me hated myself for it, but I think if we didn’t express some sense of remorse for those whose lives we take, then we’re just as much a monster as them.
“Someone wise once told me that it’s okay to feel bad. That vulnerability makes you strong. It makes you human—my human. And that’s what you are, Puck Kelly, you’re my human. I love you. Whatever choice you make, I want you to know I’ll stand by you—always.”
When she finishes washing my face, she lays a soft kiss against my mouth, comforting me as I did to her when she came to terms with her father’s death. I don’t want to accept what she says because what does that make me?
Weak, that’s what.
After everything Sean has done, I should be rejoicing in the fact that his days are numbered. But I’m not. I can’t help but feel…sad. Not sad that he’s dead, but rather, sorrowful that it’s ended this way. I wish things were different.
I wish my ma never suffered the fate she did. I also wish I had the chance to tell Connor what a good man he really was. But there is one thing we can’t control, that we can never get back, and that is time, which is why I wrap my fingers around the back of Babydoll’s neck and deepen our kiss.
She moans into my mouth, melting into me and welcoming my touch. I love how receptive she is. She always wants me as much as I want her.
“I love you,” I profess against her wet lips.
There is nothing left to say because now, actions will speak louder than words. And I want her loud.
Picking her up from under her thighs, I walk us toward the shower, our lips never missing a beat as I turn on the water. Once the temperature is right, I step under the spray, drenching us both.
Babydoll is still fully clothed, which makes this even hotter.
She rubs herself against my aching cock, the friction of her jeans straddling the line of pleasure and pain. I slam her back against the wall, the water cascading around us like a waterfall. It’s here in the water where we are baptized, we are reborn.
“Fuck me,” she pants, writhing against me, locking her legs around my back.
She desperately tugs at the hem of her T-shirt, and I help strip her as I almost tear the garment in half. I unsnap the front clip on her bra, and the moment her breasts are free, I bend down and take her pearled nipple into my mouth.
A guttural cry leaves her. I’m hardly gentle. I bite and suck, just the way I know she likes. With my mouth still working from breast to breast, I yank down her zip and slide my fingers down her soft, wet flesh and sink into her with ease.
I don’t lower her jeans as I know the restraint is driving her crazy. I fuck her with my fingers; the tempo in sync with my mouth. I show her no mercy when she arches into my touch, begging me to touch her needy clit.
“I want you.”
She tries to reach for my cock, but I quickly remove my fingers from her. Her eyes snap open when I let her go, and her feet hit the shower floor. Her confusion soon turns to arousal when I grip her arms and slam them overhead, securing them in one hand.
She works her bottom lip, watching me grip my cock and commence running my hand up and down my shaft.
“Where do ya want me?” I ask, almost coming by the ravenous look on her face.
“I want you everywhere,” she confesses, her eyes fixated on my hand. “I want you to come in me…on me.”
