AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Cian lowers his eyes, ashamed. “I’m sorry I asked this of ya.”
But I don’t want his apologies, and that’s because I like it…this side of me—I feel comfortable in this skin.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m not. In fact—” I gesture with my head that Cian is to come take the rope, and it’s not optional.
With a sigh, he walks over and takes hold of the rope. I crack my neck from side to side and stretch my fingers. Sean has flopped forward, his arms bent back at a grotesque angle. His eyes are closed shut, but I know he’s not passed out yet.
“You should have killed me when ya had the chance,” I state, walking toward him.
I grip his snarled hair and yank back his head so we’re face to face. “Yer just as much a monster as I am,” he pants.
“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, aul’ lad,” I counter because if he is trying to evoke sympathy, he better try harder. “This is all I know. It’s where I feel alive. I wanted a life away from this because I like the depravity, the control, too much, and I know if I continue down this road, I won’t stop.
“I will want more. Like a druggie, I will become hooked to the taste and nothin’, no one will matter. I will need to feed the monsters, and I know them well; they’re ravenous. They will always,alwayswant and need more.
“Sound familiar?” I pose while Sean clenches his jaw. “It should ’cause sooner or later, I’ll turn into you.”
And there it is—the truth I was so afraid to face. The reason I want, the reason Ineedto give this away. I don’t want to turn out like my father—fathers. It’s all I know, but I have a chance to break free. But as I let Sean go, only to slam my fist into his cheek, I wonder if I’ll ever be free.
The thought that this is my future, that if I continue down this road, it may be me strung up like a Christmas ham, beaten to a pulp by my son, has me punching Sean over and over again.
Each time my fist connects with his flesh, I hope and pray that it will chip away at this anger festering within me. That I will be content with avenging my mum and living a normal life. But as Sean’s blood coats my knuckles, I know that it won’t.
This is who I am—a cold, calculated murderer who needs violence to survive.
However, three simple words collide with my rage, fighting for dominance—fighting for me.
“I love you.”
No, I don’t know what love is. Everything I touch turns to shite. It dies. And the same fate is headed for Shay and Cami if I don’t push them away.
“Puck…I love you. You’re good. You’re a good man.”
“No!” I cry, refusing to let those words win.
I continue slamming my fists into Sean—his face, his body, any part of him that is exposed, I will violate and destroy. It’s what he taught me when he made me watch my mum be slain.
“You cunt! I fucking hate you! You fucking ruined my life! You ruined…me.”
Sean is unconscious, but he’s still breathing, which infuriates me further. I punch him in the face so hard, a tooth lodges free and somersaults to the floor.
I want more.
I raise my fist, ready to end this once and for all, but arms wrap around my middle, enclosing me in a heaven I don’t deserve.
“Come back to me, Punky. Fight it. Don’t be who he thinks you are because you’re not. You’re kind. Loyal. You are hope.”
No longer am I battling Sean; I never was because the enemy is me. I’ll never win this war because I need to overthrow myself first.
My breathing grows slower and follows Cami’s as she takes the lead. Soon, we are in sync. Her front pressed to my back as she grounds me, as she drags me back from hell.
The room suddenly spins into focus because when I was punching Sean, I was in a blind rage. I was not in control of my actions, and when I turn around and see Cami is bleeding from her lip, I realize how far gone I really was.
“The fuck?”
But when she quickly wipes her bloody lip with the back of her hand, I know I’m the reason she’s bleeding.
“Oh, fuck. I did that?” It’s not a question because I know the answer. I hit the woman I love with every fiber of my soul. I hurt her, something I said I’d never do again.
