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“I miss you,” I whisper, staring at her grave. “I’m sorry it took me so long to visit. But you’re in my thoughts every day, and not a moment goes by that I don’t wish you were still here.” I hesitate before I sadly confess, “I’m sorry for what I did toPapà.” I hang my head in shame.
If my mother were alive, she would be disgusted by what I did to my father and also how I’m living my life. She’d tell me to marry a nice girl and make her many grandbabies.
As I think about Juliet bearing my children, I realize I can’t even picture it because it’s too farfetched to even imagine.
“I’m lost,” I confess, running a hand through my hair. “I just wish I had more time with you.”
I hold onto my tears and sniff back my sorrow because life really is a bitch. When you’re younger, you don’t appreciate your parents and all that they’ve done for you. Loving your parents is seen as uncool, and all that matters is your friends, booze, and girls, girls, girls.
But the older you get, you realize that your parents will be there for you when your friends and girlfriends are long gone. Friendship comes and goes, but family is forever.
For today, this is enough. This is more than I expected I could handle.
“Sogni d’oro,” I say, wishing my mother sweet dreams. “I’ll see you soon. I promise,” and I stand, feeling like a tiny part of the old Dixon has returned.
Lost in thought while walking to my car, I think back to all the times Juliet and I have spent together that didn’t involve sex. Sadly, all those times can be counted on one hand.
In the words of Shakespeare, “love is merely a madness,” and that’s because in one corner, I have Juliet, who is a freak in thesack, but boring as batshit out of it. And in the other corner, I have Madison, who I bet would be as interestinginthe sack as she is out of it, but who is now seeing someone else.
I knew one woman sexually, while I knew the other intellectually, and like a typical male, the pussy won out. Now look how that’s ended up.
Unlocking my car, I flip off the sky ’cause karma…can kiss my ass.
The drive back to Manhattan is long and boring, and to top things off, I’m stuck in traffic. Thanks to the wasted time spent in rush hour, my thoughts wander to my father.
Marie said he’s better. I highly doubt that, but I decide to find out for myself. Going through my contacts, I find the number which taunts me every time I see it. Telling myself to grow a pair, I hit dial and wait for it to connect through my Bluetooth.
The moment it rings, I drum my fingers on the steering wheel, a sense of dread overtaking me. This is the reason I don’t go visit him. This is the reason I don’t call. Talking to my father will highlight what a failure I am and confirm that I’ve let both my parents down.
Just as I’m about to hang up, a friendly voice answers, asking where she can direct my call.
“May I be connected to Pino Di Matteo’s room, please?” I say, waiting a few seconds before speaking.
“Certainly. Putting you through now.”
I’m thankful I’m stationary because all I can focus on is the tacky music that separates me from my father. Will he really want to talk to me after all I’ve done to him?
“Hello?” a female voice says.
“Um, hello,” I reply, confused. “I must have the wrong room. I was looking for Pino Di Matteo.”
“Yes, this is his room. Hi, I’m Julia, Pino’s nurse. I’m looking after him today,” she says cheerfully.
“Oh, right. I’m Dixon…Pino’s son,” I explain because she probably doesn’t even know he has a son.
There’s a slight pause before she replies, “Oh, what a lovely surprise. Hang on a second.” I hear her place down the receiver, her shoes squeaking against the linoleum as she walks across the room.
“Pino,” she says, my heart in my throat as she addresses him. “Pino, your son is on the phone. Would you like to talk to him?”
Silence.
“Pino?” she says, pressing once more.
I can’t help but smile, as my father always was a stubborn man. Looks like some things never change.
“Hello?” she says into the receiver. “Are you still there?”
“I’m here,” I reply, although I know this has all been a mistake.
