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That was a simpler question to answer. I nodded, and added, “And a large Americano for Mack, two cinnamon buns, and … a couple of bagels.”
“Coming right up.” She got to work, moving with smooth efficiency in the relatively narrow space.
“So…” Her eyes darted between me and the coffees in front of her. “You got big plans for Christmas?”
“Oh, ah, not big ones. Just the usual, seeing family.” I shrugged, remembering I needed to buy a bottle of whiskey for Prescott as part of the family Secret Santa. Or was it Lachlan?
She nodded, an impish smile on her face. “Yes, of course, family plans, lovely, very wholesome. But what about other plans, with a certain business partner … ?” At my blank look, she rolled her eyes and added, “Subtlety is not my strength.Sexyplans, Chase, I’m talking sexy plans. Don’t make me drag it out of you.”
Sexy plans? Sexy plans with a certain business partner? Did Harley know about Mack and I? Had he told her? How the hell else would she know?
“If you need anything in the costume department, I got you covered,” she continued. “Sexy elf. Sexy snowman. Sexy reindeer. Sexy gift, that one’s fun, it’s got this bow that you pull andvoila—you get the idea, right?” She giggled. “But I think my personal favorite is sexy Santa. You can’t go wrong with the classics, you know?”
She knew. She had to. Why the hell else would she be giving me a full rundown of her sexy Christmas inventory. Oh, God, if she knew, who else did? Who else had he told? What if he’d told Pip? There was no way I could go to the Kent Christmas if they all knew. It was too much, too much pressure, too much expectation. Fuck! Why did he have to tell anyone? I didn’t think I needed to spell out the fact that we were still keeping this to ourselves. That was part and parcel of going slow. But instead of respecting that, he’d gone and told Harley!
I accepted the two coffees tucked into their tray and the brown bag full of goodness that I no longer wanted to eat. My stomach was now a hollow churning pit of acid.
The trip back to Mack’s apartment was both too long and too short. Part of me recognised that I might be overreacting but I couldn’t stop it, not now. Not when I was a hot second away from breathing into the bagel bag to ward off hyperventilation.
His hair was still damp when I found him in the kitchen, the counter covered in a mess of pie paraphernalia. He glanced up from what he was doing, smile slipping as he registered whatever was on my face.
“You okay there?”
“You told Harley.” I dropped the coffees and bag onto the counter.
“Told Harley what?”
“She knew Mack, Harley knew about us.”
“And why is that a big deal?” He wiped off his hands and came around the counter. I took a step back.
“So, you did tell her?”
“I didn’t say that, but you’ve clearly made up your mind.”
“How else would she know?”
“Maybe she guessed!”
“Based on what!? I cannot fucking believe this.” He went to talk but I kept going. “Slow, Mack, I asked for us to go slow. But you can’t do it! You nearly asked me to move in with you earlier! Like we don’t spend enough time together already. And before you try and deny it, don’t bother, I know you were going to. I know you.”
“And I know you! I know you’re scared.”
“Of course I am! I’m scared out of my fucking brain about losing you. Things were better when we were just friends. We shouldn’t have stepped over that line, it's only made things complicated.”
“You don’t believe that.”
“Don’t tell me what I believe.”
He blew out a breath. “Chase, one person knowing is not a big deal. And, yeah, maybe I was going to suggest that you leave some clothes here. It’s a drawer, not a marriage proposal.”
Yet. The word hung between us, as clear as if he’d said it. Because he would ask me to marry him, even knowing the disasters that both our parents had been in their relationships—and continued to—he still would. And if he thought we’d fare any better than they did, he was kidding himself. Not even Pip had been able to break that cycle.
“Why can’t you see that you’re just setting us up for failure?” The kisses. The sex. None of it changed anything.
“It’s not that I don’t see it, it’s that I don’t agree.”
“Come on, Mack, how can we honestly work? Neither of us have ever seen a healthy fucking relationship. I told you from the start that this wasn’t a good idea, and you didn’t listen.”
