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“Bullshit! That’s bullshit.” She backed up as I advanced towards her. “You tricked me, you lied to me, to get what you wanted.”
“Because I thought it was what you wanted, too!”
“You assumed, you didn’t know that! You should have told me the truth.”
“And then you wouldn’t have agreed to the date! And we wouldn’t have—” I stopped short. “I am sorry I lied to you, but I’m not sorry about everything that came after it.” How could I be sorry for that?
Her laugh was harsh. “That’s not an apology. You took away mychoice, Mack. But you’re right, if I’d known I’d lose our friendship I wouldn’t have agreed.”
I sucked in a breath. “So, that’s it?”
“You’ve said you won’t go back.”
“And you’re not willing to move forward.”
“Move forward to what? More fighting. More lies. I don’t want that. I want our friendship.” The tears were flowing freely now, sliding down her cheeks in glittering tracks.
“We can have that, and more.”
“I don’t want more, I don’t need more. How do I even know anything you’re saying is true?”
“I will never lie to you again.”
“Unless you want something.” She swiped at tears.
“Chase. I—” It wasn’t the right time but I needed her to know. “I love you, I’m in love with you. Please don’t do this.”
She stared at me, mouth hanging open. “No, you can’t, you—I can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what, exactly?”
“This. Us” She waved a hand at my chest. “I can’t.”
“I tell you that I’m in love with you and you’re telling me you can’t do this?I love you.”
“That makes it worse, don’t you get it!?”
“I think you feel the same.”
“Don’t tell me how I feel, Mack.”
“So you don’t love me?” I knew she did, could feel it when she looked at me, when she touched me, but she needed to admit it to herself.
She shook her head. “Of course I do, but not like that.”
“Bullshit.”
A long moment passed as we watched one another, wondering if the other would soften and admit they were wrong. It didn’t happen.
What the fuck was I supposed to do now? This couldn't be it, I couldn’t let this be it. I told her I loved her, what the fuck else could I do? Before my brain could conjure something, anything, to say to try and salvage the situation, she left. Turned on her heel and, with a flick of black hair, she was gone.
Merry fucking Christmas.
This was not how it was supposed to go. And, yet, here I was anyway. I plastered on a smile as I collected the mountain of gifts from the trunk of my car and turned towards my sister’s house. Two days. It had only been two days. Despite seeing Chase, nothing had been said. Not a word. That wasn’t strictly true. Plenty of words had been said, just none that made any difference. I was doing my best to wait her out but, as far as I could tell, she was pretending like nothing ever happened between us. It was driving me fucking crazy.
“Uncle Mack!” Savanna squealed as she met me at the door. Her tiny arms wrapped around my hips and squeezed. “Santa’s coming tonight!” The words were muffled against my ugly Christmas sweater.
“Only if you’ve been good, though, right?”
