AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Fuck.
I’d known Chase was teetering on the precipice of a freakout when she left earlier. It was why I didn’t say anything after the almost-comment about leaving some clothes here. I figured she’d go home, grab coffees, and reset the crazy, like she usually did.
Only the crazy didn’t reset, it amped the fuck up.
And she ended us, because she was fixated on things that weren’t going to happen. I wasn’t one of the douchebags she’d dated in the past. I wasn’t going to throw up my hands and leave just because things got tough. Although I had done a decent douchebag impression when I accused her of only staying for the sex. That was low, and exceptionally douchey. My frustration, and anger, got the better of me and I fucking loved her and couldn’t tell her because she’d run even faster than she already was. But I’d meant what I said, she could push as hard as she fucking liked, I wasn’t going anywhere. I was going to prove to her that I wasn’t like all the others and that we were better together than apart. I believed it. I believed it with everything I had. I needed her to believe it, too. I needed her to believe inus.
There were two possible courses of action.
The first: give Chase the space to think all of this through and hopefully come to the conclusion that I was right and a relationship was not the disaster she’d built up in her head. This required a large amount of faith. Faith I wasn’t sure I had right at the moment.
The second: don’t give her time and space to think. Find her and better articulate my point, without accusing her of using me for sex (maybe even apologize for that at some point), and tell her that I had no intention of backing down. This, though requiring less faith, required a lot more spine because it probably meant another fight, and I fucking hated fighting with her.
I had no idea what to do. Letting Chase work all her shit out was almost always the best way to go. But I wasn’t sure I had the patience for it.
Expectations wereboth sky high and hovering somewhere near the gutter as I pushed open the inky-blue door of Rudi Blue a little after three. Unlocked. So she was already here. I didn’t know if that was a good sign or a bad one. Everything felt like it could go either way at the moment. The uncertainty of it all was making my skin feel uncomfortably tight.
And if I thought about it anymore I was going to drive myself crazy, so I either needed to throw myself into something distracting and work related, or go and seek her out.
I managed to not look for her immediately. Instead, I busied myself with prep and set up, which was usually made more entertaining because Chase was propped at the bar with her laptop, running through figures and paperwork, and we’d just talk. About nothing in particular, but I didn’t care because the sound of her voice had always affected me.
God, I missed her. I missed her and it had only been a few hours, but there was more distance than just the physical. This distance was worse because I didn’t know if I’d get to kiss her again and that was making it hard to breathe. Would she even want me to hug her again?
“Hey.” That one syllable was like a bell in my head, even though her voice didn’t hold its usual strength. My eyes found her the second I lifted my head and, just like she did almost every time I saw her recently, she took my fucking breath away. Even looking sad and kind of puffy. She’d been crying. It crushed me to know I was the cause of those tears.
“Hi,” I croaked.
“Hey,” she said again, looking small and more uncertain of herself than I’d ever seen her. Fucking hell this was awkward. We’d been a lot of things over the years, frustrated, infuriated, mad, sad, but never awkward. Was she right? Had we messed everything up?
No, I had to believe that this was a detour, a bump in the road. We would find our way back to the path and be stronger when we got there.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” she started. “And I think–I–I just—I want to—” A slow breath. “Ineedto go back to how we were before.” She swallowed heavily, fidgeting with the rolled hem of her shirt. I’d tried to convince myself that she wouldn’t say it. That she’d think everything through and realize we couldn’t go back, because what we had now meant too much. And yet, here we were. I tried not to be hurt, disappointed, thoroughly fucking gutted, and failed miserably. My insides might as well have been strung up with the rest of the Christmas finery along the bar.
“You want to—you want to be friends?” I could barely get the words out, they tasted like ash on my tongue. She nodded, but her eyes still wavered with uncertainty. Was there still a chance? Even a tiny one? I had to hope.
“I need us to be friends.”Need. She needed us to be friends. God, she sounded so desperate, it was like a jagged knife to my chest. “I’m sorry. I shouldn't have—”
“I can’t do it, Chase,” I said, seeing no point in dancing around the issue.
She gaped. “What? Wh—why not?”
“Because I don’t want to just be your friend, I can’t, not anymore. I can’t go backwards.”
“It’s not backwards. Friends first. Youpromised me.” Tears were already collecting at the corners of her eyes. Fuck, I didn’t know how I was going to do this if I had to see her cry.
“I lied.” It was the first and only time I’d ever intentionally lied to her, and it hurt like hell. Worse now, seeing the betrayal etched across her face. But I didn’t think it would matter. I didn’t think we’d need to go back. I’d been an idiot.
A single tear tracked down her cheek as her eyes went hard. “You had no intention of us going back to friends.”
“No,” I admitted, not willing to lie to her again.
“You just said it, so I’d agree to go on the date with you.” Not a question, but I answered all the same.
“Yes.”
She shook her head, the hurt making her eyes darker. “You said we would always be friends first, Mack.”
I came around the bar. “And I meant that.”
