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A relieved breath left her in a rush. “Okay, you had me worried there for a second. Why the hesitation? Was it ateacher?” She wasn’t even trying not to be horrified. Even though if I said yes, I knew she wouldn't judge. Not out loud anyway. And she was closer than she realized.
“Not a teacher no …”
“But,” she nudged.
“But what?”
“You said that like there was a but. So what is it?”
“She was my tutor.”
She let out a delighted giggle. “Oh my god, scandalous! What did she tutor you in?” I should not have been surprised that this was her follow up question.
“Math and Spanish.”
“Oh man, the poor girl didn’t even know what she was getting herself into, did she?”
“She was a neighbor's daughter who my father organized to tutor me.” She was also almost five years older than me, which at the time made her seem like a worldly adult, who blew my tiny thirteen year-old mind.
“Uh huh, bet he regretted that decision.” Chase paused, far off in thought for a moment. “I can’t believe I never knew this about you.”
My hand had once again made its way to her leg, I was incapable of not touching her now that I knew I could. “It happened before we met. Not everyone likes to give an extreme amount of detail about their sex life. Unlike you after your first time with Tommy Hawson. I did not need to know all that.”
She shook her head and shuddered. “That boy did not know what to do with a vagina.” But she’d still gone there with him less than a month after our first kiss, which she never mentioned again and yet talked about him almost non stop. I hadn’t realized how much it still bothered me.
“I did it to prove I wasn’t into you,” she said, so quickly I almost missed it.
“What?” I gaped at her.
“After … our kiss”—she shook her head, cleared her throat, her eyes everywhere but on my face—“I thought you were either so drunk you didn’t remember, or that I was such a bad kisser you did remember but would rather not.”
“Chase.”
“I didn’t want to lose your friendship, and I knew that if I did you would totally get Nash in the divorce and I couldn’t stomach losing you, let alone both of you, so I just pretended it never happened.” Her eyes came up to mine. “And I thought that would be it. Until Tatiana asked if we were dating now, in that smug, sarcastic way she did. She knew we obviously were not dating. And I—I didn’t think anyone saw us, but they must have. And I freaked out. Tommy had always flirted with me and he was hot—dumb as a pile of bricks, but hot—so at the next party I flirted back. I didn’t actually intend to sleep with him that night. I had too much tequila trying to work up the courage to speak to him and then things probably went too far because I was drunk. And then I told you all about it partly in the hopes that it would make you jealous, but also to prove I didn’t care that you didn’t want to kiss me.” She pressed her lips together, looking like she regretted the whole speech but it was out there now.
I just stared at her, with absolutely no idea what to say. My mind was tripping over itself. Thoughts piling on top of one another each louder than the last but nothing really making any actual sense. The only thing I could decipher amongst the din waskissherkissherkissher.
“You’re going to need to say something, or I’m going to need a lot more whiskey. Maybe I’ll just take the bottle.” She shifted towards the door of the tent but I blocked her way, my heart beating so quickly it was almost painful. Had we really both felt the same way all this time and never knew it? Had we both been so stubborn and scared to lose the other that we didn’t do anything about it?
“I always wanted to kiss you. Probably since you walked into that bathroom like some pint-sized knight defending my stoned ass.”
She froze. “But you—”
“I was a dumb kid, Chase. I was a dumb kid, and you were my best friend, and right after kissing me you downed so many jell-o shots you nearly had to get your stomach pumped. I thought—I don’t know what I thought, honestly. Then you never mentioned it, and—”
“You never mentioned it, either!”
“Because I was fucking scared. Because—because it wasyou.”
We sat there staring at one another, the weight of these spontaneous confessions hanging in the air.
“Chase I—” I had no idea where the rest of the sentence was going, not that it mattered because I didn’t get to finish it. Chase’s hand hooked around the back of my neck and pulled me in, pausing for one long, agonizing moment, her eyes bouncing between mine. I didn’t dare move. I didn’t dare breathe. She closed the last of the distance, brushing her lips over mine and, just like every other time we kissed, there was this sense of home that threatened to crack me wide open.
Then, everything shifted, the kiss turning deep and needy, and suddenly we couldn’t get close enough, hands and mouths greedy. She straddled my lap, pressing us together as her fingers tangled in my hair, nails dragging over my scalp, sending heat barrelling through me.
I needed to slow this down or there was no way we’d be making it to date five, but I wasn’t sure I could. Not with Chase in my lap like this. Not when my hands were on her ass. Not when we’d both wanted this for longer than either of us had wanted to admit.
“Date five,” she panted, our noses bumping. The rise and fall of her chest pressing her breasts against me. I was light headed.
