AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I let my wine and snow infused state of mind–that was running high on an amazing date with Ryan–convince me it was okay to let myself give in to a night of believing what we have could be more. I shouldn’t have been so weak.
“Ashley. Look at me.” Ally’s low, soothing voice, forces my eyes to hers. “I get that you’re thinking, ‘maybe this is all just an intense physical connection and I’m blinded by his hotness.’ But ask yourself this. What are the moments like between you two when you’re not physical? How does he make you feel then? Does he only make your heart race when he’s touching you? Or do you feel it all the time? Do you like just being with him? Around him? Not naked? It’sthosemoments that make it all real. Amazing, off the charts, mind blowing sex, is just the cherry on top of an already delicious sundae if you have those other moments. You two, as people, is what makes it all real.”
I don’t know what to say, so I take a sip of my coffee. “I keep thinking about how this all started because I was drunk and wanted him. And for the past seven months, I’ve been calling myself crazy for being so attached. But since I’ve been here…the second I saw him, Ally, it felt like I could breathe again. After months of building him up in my head–to the point of insanity–there he was. And I felt it all over again–that connection. And the more time we’ve spent together, the more we’ve talked, and the more we’ve just been around each other, I’ve fallen head over ass for that man.”
“Well, that’s a new way to put it.” She smiles. “I like it.”
“It fits.” I shrug, taking another sip of coffee. “But I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in love before, Ally, you know that. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“No one does, Ash.”
“Well, that’s helpful,” I say sarcastically.
“I didn’t know what I was doing at first.” She scoffs. “And neither did Jake. Trust me. But we’ve figured it out together. And I sure as hell don’t know how to be a wife. But I’ll figure that out too.WithJake. Just like you’ll figure all of this outwithRyan. Relationships are a two-person machine.”
“Okay, Dr. Phil.”
“Ashley,” she says sternly, letting me know she’s trying to be serious here.
“Sorry, it’s just that I feel like I’m stranded in the middle of the ocean, treading water. I can see land ahead, but I’m not sure if I’ll make it. Maybe I’ll just be stuck swimming towards something that’s not even there–a mirage I created in my delusional brain.”
“Wow, okay, that was a powerful metaphor. Now who’s Dr. Phil?”
“Ally, come on.” I groan, shoving the rest of my bear claw in my mouth. I need the sugar to distract me from the seriousness of this conversation. I’m not used to it. I’m not used to laying it all out there.
I’m the girl who keeps shit bottled up and plasters a smile on my face for the world so no one sees how I’m really feeling. I laugh and joke my way through life because I’m afraid to be real. My mom and dad were real, and it was ripped from them.
But this is real. My life right now is real, and I don’t know how to handle it.
“Has he said anything to you? About what happens next? I mean, you’re living at his house for Christ’s sake.”
“Yeah, and I have no idea for how long. I mean, I have to go home at some point. How do I bring that up?”
“You should use that to see what he’ll say. With the thought of losing you, he’ll realize that you should stay.”
“Maybe.” Or maybe he’ll be relieved.
“No maybes. Men need a push in the right direction or they’ll never figure their shit out. They’re all the same in that way.”
“True. Men are quite dumb.”
“Yes, they are,” she agrees, and we both finish our pastries.
“But, enough about me, please. Tell me about the wedding. How is the planning going?”
“Oh.” She smiles, her whole face lighting up at just the mention of her upcoming nuptials. “I’m having so much fun with it! It’s hard, of course, but Jake and I just want a simple, fun wedding to celebrate with our friends and family. Which brings me to my next question. Will you do me the honor of being one of my bridesmaids?”
“Oh my God, yes! Of course!” I squeal, quickly getting up and hugging her. “Now I get to help plan the bachelorette weekend!”
“Uh, nothing too crazy?”
“Uh, yes, bitch! Of course it will be crazy! Do you know your friends at all?”
Laughing, she just shakes her head. “Oh, I do.”
“Have you asked Mel and Ellie yet?”
“No, I was waiting to ask all of you in a cute way by mailing you boxes, but since you’re here, I couldn’t wait. My sisters are my co-maids of honor, and then you three are my bridesmaids.”
