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Oh, sweet Jesus.
Heat blooms across my entire body and my core throbs.
He’s telling me this now? In a bar?
“Got nothing to say, gorgeous? Or is that mind of yours picturing it and you can’t wait to taste me again?”
“Yes,” I breathe out.
Amber chooses that moment to return with our drinks, and when she places them in front of us, she makes a show of angling her body so when she bends over in front of Alex’s face, her boobs are practically spilling from her uniform top.
Did she pull it down even more than before?
“Are you ready to order?” she asks him, not bothering to even look at, or address me. She’s locked in on Alex.
“I’ll have a burger, medium rare, with the works. Mel?”
I look at him, and his eyes are on me. Studying me. Seeing how I’ll react to a woman coming on to him so blatantly and if I can handle it. I know it’s inevitable with his reputation and all, but it’s different when I have to see the results of his man whore-ish ways right in front of me.
“Chicken sandwich,” I say, handing Amber my menu, but keeping my eyes on Alex. He holds me there, locked on his emerald eyes, and I can’t look away.
“That’s all, Amber,” Alex tells her, handing her his menu as well.
When the scent of cheap perfume fades, I slowly blink out of my dazed state.
He was distracting me. I know he was.
“Was she one of the many?” I ask, despite already knowing the answer.
“I already told you, Mel. Don’t ask questions you don’t want to hear the answers to.”
“I know.”
“She’s nothing. No one. And compared to you? Definitely nothing compared to you,” he says, and I hear the ring of truth in his voice. He really believes that. Even when you look past Amber’s trampy ways, she’s still gorgeous. “You have to trust me when I say that I was living a life I wasn’t too proud of. My mind was a mess, my life was a mess, and the only thing that quieted the noise was…” he trails off, knowing I can fill in the rest of that statement.
He used women to quiet his mind. He was able to turn the switch off and just lose himself for a while.
I can understand that.
I don’t want to, but I do.
I used to find myself wishing I could just find a man who would make me feel for a few hours. I didn’t want to feel so alone for a night.
But then I’d always tell myself that that wasn’t the solution. A random, hot man inside of me wasn’t going to make my heart any fuller, or set my soul on fire.
That’s what I needed.
And that’s what Alex has done for me.
I don’t feel so alone. I don’t feel like I’m half empty, just going through the motions of the day until I close my eyes and wake up to do it all over again.
He’s lit my heart and soul on fire in a way I don’t see diming or fizzing out any time soon.
But I don’t want to always be reminded of the fact that he’s used to drifting through women like they don’t mean anything.
I want to mean something to him.
I want him to feel the fire I have raging inside of me. A fire only he can ignite, and a fire only he can tame.
