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Breathing deep, I tell myself this is what I want. This is what I need.
I can’t let myself get hurt again by someone I’m supposed to trust implicitly.
I can’t be put back where I was – alone, homeless, and jobless.
I can’t start over again somewhere new.
I don’t want to lose what I’ve gained by coming here.
If I stayed any longer with Tyler and whatever we were doing, I would lose all of that, and I need it in order to survive. To thrive. To be me.
I have to shove all of this out of my head, though.
Tossing my hair over my shoulders, I smile at myself in the mirror. From the outside, no one would know I just cracked open my own heart in order to go on this date.
My phone pings with a message from Caleb saying that he’s here, right as there’s a knock at my door. My palms immediately get sweaty, and I frantically search for my purse until I find it half under a pillow on the couch.
Just breathe, Ellie, I tell myself. Even if this date amounts to nothing, I tried, and I can always try again with someone else.
My heart twinges.
Walking slowly towards the door, I open it to find a well-groomed and very good looking Caleb. His dark brown hair is buzzed short in a typical law enforcement style, his face is clean shaven to show off an impressive square jaw, and he has these soft brown eyes that remind me of warm chocolate. Like the frosting on my double chocolate cupcakes that Tyler loves.
No! Stop thinking about him!
“Hi.” He smiles, showing off an impressive set of straight, white teeth. I’ve always been a sucker for a good smile. It’s definitely not better than Tyler’s, though. Tyler and his boyish charms and dimples are something I don’t think can ever be beat.
Damn it! I’m thinking about him again!
“Hi.” I return his smile, but unlike him, I have to put a little more effort behind executing it.
“You look beautiful, Ellie.”
“Thank you.” Stepping out onto the platform, I close the door behind me, and lead the way down the steep stairs.
I feel him behind me like a cloud looming above, casting a dark shadow over me. When we reach the bottom, he places his hand on my lower back, guiding me towards his truck, and I have to actively resist flinching away.
This is the worst idea I’ve ever had, but it still feels important somehow.
Tyler wasn’t going to want me forever, and I refuse to be cast aside like I’m nothing. That would truly break me.
“I hope you like Italian,” Caleb says when we’re in his truck. “Unless you don’t, then we can go somewhere else.”
“I love Italian.”
“Well, Anthony’s has the best vodka penne around,” he boasts. “Have you been yet?”
“Not yet, but I’m from New Jersey, Caleb,” I tell him. “Italian food is my thing. So, I’ll be the judge of whether it’s the best around or not.”
“Sounds good.” He smiles. “I’m glad to have a professional with me.”
“I don’t know about that. I just love food.”
“Good. I like a woman who can eat.” He smirks, and my stomach drops. It seems like some smartass remark Tyler would make before lifting me up onto the counter and kissing me until the timer goes off for whatever he’s cooking me that night.
The awkward silence stretches between us for the remainder of the minute drive to Main Street.
I think he realized what he said, and is probably trying to figure out how to come back from it. Which oddly makes me feel a little more comfortable.
