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North looks at Cain, who shrugs. “All right, I’ll go.”
Cain’s shower is a lot quicker than Raven’s was, and after he gets out, North goes in. He grumbles a little bit under his breath, and I have to bite back a smile. Yeah, I’m not someone who’s going to back down when she’s made up her mind about something.
After North, it’s finally my turn to take a shower. I can hear Raven moving around in the kitchen area once I’m inside the bathroom. Or at least, I assume it’s Raven. Since he’s the cook of the group and all. That’s good. Not only do we need to eat and rest up, but it will be good for Raven to have something to do, I think.
The shower feels amazing. It helps me to feel less slimy and dirty. Not that I was particularly dirty before, at least, not literally. The cells that Donovan threw us into weren’t filthy and rat-infested or anything. But just being chained up and imprisoned, and then having that asshole Roanac touching me and moving me around, it makes me feel like there’s a layer of invisible dirt on me that I need to scrub away. Like the water can banish the ghost of their touch.
I’m glad that I had the men with me. I don’t know what I would’ve done without them. I’d probably be dead now, let’s be honest. I couldn’t have fought my way out of that by myself. But now they’re being hunted, and it’s because of me. Roanac will be after them as well after this.
I feel guilty about that, but also relieved, because I’m not having to go through this alone. I just wish that I could be with them and not have to constantly worry about their lives, about if they’re going to be okay. They could’ve died too, today, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so panicked before. I lost my parents, and I haven’t had anyone close to me since for that very reason. I don’t want to lose another family.
Ugh, this shower feels great. It’s like my body is actually my own again. I finish scrubbing and turn off the water, then grab a towel to dry off. I can see the towels the three men used, hanging on their hooks. North has a superior sense of smell and so does Raven. I don’t know about Cain, but I wouldn’t be surprised.
The wild temptation to rub myself all over with their towels seizes me. Would they be able to smell it? Probably. I want them to be able to smell themselves on me. I’m feeling possessive of them. I know they’re possessive of me. Not in a creepy way but in the sense that, well, I’m in danger and they want me to be safe. And I want them to be safe. They almost died because of me, they’re in danger because of me.
If I do that, though, they won’t be content just to smell themselves on me. I know what these men are like. I’ll basically be inviting them to sleep with me. And I’ve had a lot of opportunities to do that over the last few days.
But we haven’t done anything since our first time together. Part of that is just the fact that, well, I have evil people coming after me. We can’t let our guard down and we have to run and we have shit to do. But another part of it is me. It’s me not wanting to give into the pull that I feel from them. It’s me being scared about how I feel for them, and the connection that I feel with them.
If today’s shown me anything, though, it’s that I have no idea how much time I have left. That at any moment, Roanac or someone else, who even knows at this point, could kill me or one of the men, or all of us. I might not even have them for much longer.
The idea makes me sick. It makes panic claw at the inside of my throat. I don’t want anything to happen to my guys. It’s still odd to think of them as ‘mine’. They certainly want to be. And the more time I spend with them the more I feel like I want them to be, too. But it’s new and odd to have someone be ‘mine’. To have someone be connected to me like that. More than one someone—three of them.
It’s overwhelming.
But I could lose them. And I really don’t want to. So why stop myself from being with them? Why am I holding myself back?
I use my towel to dry my hair. I’ve got a lot of it, and I don’t want to have wet hair while I’m doing anything. No matter how fun sex is, there’s nothing sexy about wet hair. It’s just a mess.
While I dry my hair, I stare at myself in the mirror.Come on, Kiara. You don’t want to waste any more time, do you?
I think that if I do die, my biggest regret will be not spending more time with the men. Not being more intimate with them the way that I want. Denying myself. And for what? What harm can there possibly be in being with them? It’s what I want.
You’re just scared,my mind taunts me.
Well, fuck it. I’m not going to be scared anymore.
I nod at myself in the mirror, resolute, and then I hang my towel back up. My skin is still warm and damp from the shower but my hair’s somewhat dried, at least, so it’s not going to freeze me and send water sliding down my back constantly.
Taking a deep breath, I open the bathroom door and step out into the rest of the safe house.
Raven’s turning off the stove, focused on dinner, not looking at me. North is on the bed, while Cain’s setting the table.
Cain and North look up as I exit and the both of them freeze. They stare at me.
I can see North’s nostrils flare. He can smell me as well as see me. I imagine his hands on me, his mouth on me, his cock inside of me, and North’s eyes go dark. Just as I suspected. He can probably smell the pheromones on me and know that I’m full of lust, that I’m thinking about sex.
“Raven,” Cain says, his voice a croak.
Raven turns around and freezes. His gaze rakes over me. His eyes go dark as well. All three men are staring at me like they’re going to devour me.
Good. Because I want to be devoured.
North’s gaze runs up and down my body, his mouth slightly open, as I stride slowly toward him. He looks like he’s straining to keep himself in check and keep himself from pouncing. To his credit, he stays still. I can see the tension in his shoulders as he forces himself not to move as I walk up to him.
I slide my hands up his arms, and then down his chest as Cain and Raven move closer. Like they’re wolves that’ve caught a scent. All the men are dressed again, in casual, relaxed clothes, and I want them to tear the clothes off. I want them to get naked just like I am and feel their skin against mine. I feel like I’m burning with desire, a fire left unattended for so long and now about to turn into an inferno.
At last, I lean in and brush my mouth against his.
