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Fiona waves me off. “Like I said, I’ve made plenty of mistakes,” she says, then I watch as she visibly shudders. “I don’t know why I ever thought I could negotiate with the Hyperboreans, considering what they are. What they do.”
“I was the one to suggest it,” Nereus says.
I shake my head. “But you guys didn’t have a choice,” I say. “You were trying to do what was right. You did what you could with the information that you had, right? And now…”
“Now I know better,” Fiona says, straightening up. “They hurt so many people, Kye. I just…I didn’t want the same for Nereus or his people.”
I nod. “I get that,” I say. “And I get that there are things about your lives, about the decisions you have to make, that I’ll never understand. The only time I feel like I belong anywhere is when I’m in your arms—either one of you. And I…”
“It’s okay,” Fiona says softly. “We’re here to listen.”
“I thought that the things you chose to do meant that you didn’t care about me as much,” I tell her. I hate how much my voice is trembling, my hands fists at my sides. “And before all this happened, before Borealis, I thought that you were forcing me to make a choice. You were influencing me to do something I didn’t want because it benefitted you. But now I realize that you wanted to do it for me, too, and I was too self-absorbed to see that before.”
“Kye,” Nereus says softly. “What are you talking about?”
It’s as if everything suddenly hits me when I look at the cut on his cheek. He’s so perfect otherwise, his skin unmarred by anything else, his auburn hair pulled away from his delicate features. The glint of the rings in his hair catches the light around us, and for a second, I think about how close I’ve come to losing him.
And then my gaze flutters over to Fiona, her brow knitted with concern, her hazel eyes wide and watery. She might be rash and intemperate, but she’s not a child.
This person—this woman sitting in front of me—she is, every inch of her, a queen.
And as that sinks in, it suddenly occurs to me that it has to be really,reallyfucking lonely. No matter how many beds she sleeps in, no matter how many men she gets to pleasure her.
I get it. I use sex to forget too; far more often than I should. But she isn’t doing it to forget. She’s doing it to center herself, and I don’t think anyone should have to do that.
I certainly don’t thinkFionashould have to do that. She might be a queen, but she’s also just a person.
I try to swallow down the knot in my throat. Even thinking about making this choice is a little bit strange. I don’t know how to feel about it. But I know that it is the right one, and it’s what I have to do. Fiona was willing to put her life on the line in order to protect our family and I’m going to do exactly the same thing.
They’re both staring at me. It takes me some effort not to crumble to my knees. I wonder if my movement feels intentional when my body lands on the floor, the mechanical parts making a loud sound that appears to reverberate through the entirety of the Wrath.
I don’t care if the rest of the crew hears me. I should’ve done this so long ago.
“I don’t know where I fit in,” I say. “I don’t know if you’re always going to need a pilot to get away. This is the only thing I’ve ever been good at,and I can feel you both outgrowing me, and that scares me so much. But I also know I couldn’t, shouldn’t…I know it’s not personal. You’re just doing the best that you can, right?”
They exchange a look. I know that both of them are gearing up to talk, but I wave them off. I’m still working on this. I’m still trying to get it all out and these are feelings I’ve kept inside for so long without even giving myself a chance to reflect on them.
I don’t know what happened exactly; whether it was Fiona coming to help me, or the fact that I thought she wouldn’t make it back to the Wrath, or perhaps it was the way her voice broke when it sounded like Nereus was seriously hurt.
“But if you’re willing to have me, I’ll take whatever place you want,” I say. “And if you’re still interested in…”
I feel Nereus’ hand on my shoulder. I pick up my head to look at him, green eyes narrow, concern written all over his face.
“We will never force you to do anything,” he says. “Neither one of us.”
“I know,” I say.
Fiona inches closer to me. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Kye,” she says. “We love you. We just want you to be happy.”
“I know. And I’ve thought about it a lot, and I realize that I can’t be happy without either of you,” I say. “So if the offer to do the ceremony is still on the table, I’m more than just willing to entertain it.”
“It’s alot,” Fiona says. “You should only do it if you’re sure.”
I tilt my head up to look at her. She’s so worried about me. How could I not realize that she’s been incredibly worried about me? How could I have been so blind?
I laugh, surprised at how sincere my own voice seems. “I’m not sure of many things, but there’s one thing I’m very certain of. I love both of you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you—watching you grow, become the people you’re supposed to be. I have…I need to figure some of my own personal shit out, obviously. But I’m not going to keep you two out anymore. And I’m going to be here if you want me.”
Nereus waits for Fiona to answer, his gaze darting between the two of us.
