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“And half my age in relative lifespans,” he says. He doesn’t seem perturbed at all. I hate it. “Your brother is a good man, and wise—but he doesn’t know what it’s like to be used as a tool for violence by a strong-willed woman.”
“You do, though?”
“Yes,” he says. “I’ve been doing it all my life.”
I know that he’s right, no matter how much the voice in my head is screaming that I should fight him on this. I don’t particularly like Orion, but I haven’t found that I particularly likeanyoneon the crew since I went into rut. In fact, I want them as far away from Fiona as I can get them.
I have to find a way to fix this without losing myself to the territorial monster within.
“So what do you suggest?” I say, throwing my hands up in defeat. “I’m…I feel unlike myself.”
“There’s been a shift in power that you must be struggling to grapple with,” he says. “Explain it to me.”
It couldn’t hurt—right?
What do I have to lose when my soul is slipping away?
I heave a deep breath and close my eyes, thawing out the feelings I’ve kept covered over. “My brother was always the stronger of the two of us,” I admit. “And I’ve been reckless, like Fiona. I’m…of course, I’m over a century old, but that’s so young for a Skoll. And I behaved like it until now. I drank and fucked and fought, and no one cared because Taln, at least, was dependable—and they could rely on him to keep me in line when necessary.”
“And now he’s lost the use of his leg,” Orion continues.
“Yes,” I say. “And I’m not…I was never ready for this.”
Orion regards me carefully, his amber eyes unblinking. He doesn’t smile—I don’t think Mlok are truly capable of it, and every time he tries to mimic the expression it turns out quite unsettling. But his irises contract, and he puffs a breath out of his snout. “Not ready to be Fiona’s protector?”
“Of course not,” I say. “When it was just the four of us—me, Taln, Nereus, and Kye—this was all just a game. I never thought we would actually go back to Homeworld. I never thought we’d be at the front of a war party. And I love her so much, I just want to take her and shield her from the whole galaxy.”
“It sounds to me like you haven’t grown possessive so much as protective,” Orion says. “And you don’t need self-control; you need direction.”
“But Taln isn’t a warrior anymore, no matter how hard he wants to be.”
“I’m not talking about Taln,” he says. “I’m talking aboutFiona.”
I shake my head. “I want to take her away from it all, not ask her to dive deeper. She’s seen enough violence as it is.”
“And she’ll see more; you can’t protect her from that, nor should you try when she’s so clearly suited for it,” Orion says. “You need to trust her, and remember who you are. What you arenotis the disciplined, measured fighter your brother is. You yourself said that you’re more inclined to recklessness.”
“But I need someone to rein me in.”
“Why?” he says. “Ryker—I have spent my entire life honing my self-control, and there are things you can do that I can’t. When it comes to the final battle for Homeworld, Fiona won’t need you to pretend you’re your brother. She’ll need the berserker warrior who nearly killed two magisters single-handedly on Borealis. Deploy your rage at our enemies rather than at yourself. It’s the only way you’ll survive.”
I snort, mulling his words over. And as I consider that maybe it’s time to let go rather than lock down on my emotions, something strange occurs to me.
“You know,” I say. “I’m starting to see why my brother likes you so much.”
Orion snorts. “Yes…most people do.”
“Is it because you’re so humble?” I ask, flashing him a smile.
“No,” he replies, and I can hear the smirk in his voice. “It’s because I’m handsome.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
FIONA
We wander down the corridor after parting ways with Nereus, my fingers interlocked with Kye’s. I don’t really even know where to start—if I should just go back to normal business, or leave him alone, or maybe go and grab something to eat. I feel like I’m starving, so emotionally wrung out that the world has kind of ceased to make sense for the time being.
And I’mespeciallyconfused because all I want to do is talk to Kye about anything and everything, like we used to before we had our falling out.
