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What the fuck?
I sigh, closing my eyes tightly. I can worry about that later. Right now, it’s more important that I listen to what my mom has to say.
“After I published my first book, the man came back with a vengeance.“
“You mean the dreams?“
“No, I mean him,“ she replies. “They weren’t just dreams. He was…he was taking over my life. I heard him all the time, everywhere. When I was cooking. When your father and I were being intimate. When I was writing. It felt like he was all I could think about.“
I watch her as she looks away from me, her shoulders suddenly square.
“And so I wrote and wrote more, because I thought that was going to get me something. I don’t know what. Like I was going to be able to put all this shit down and once it was on paper I wouldn’t think about it again. Except I did. I thought about it a lot. I thought about it all the time, Trine. So I wrote more. Did more. Published more.“
“Did you get over it?“
“No,“ she says. “It got worse. I went to a psychiatrist, got a prescription. But that didn’t make it any better. If anything, it made it worse. Everything felt intense, much more real than it had before. So I did the only thing I could think to do.“
“You called an exorcist?“
She laughs, throwing her head back. As if I’ve just said the funniest thing she’s heard for ages. “I called an exorcist? No,“ she says, looking into my eyes. “No. I stopped sleeping.“
I remember that. I remember when she stopped, how she’d pace around, how upset it made her. The dreams had to be a lot worse if she was willing to lose me for it. For him.
“And I’ve regretted it every single day since.“
LUKE
Footsteps approach us, interrupting our conversation. Not that we were talking about anything important. But as soon as the footsteps come near us, it feels like the air is sucked away from the space we’re in.
Trine’s hair is up in a messy ponytail, tears glimmering in her eyes.
“Trine,“ Rei asks. “Are you okay?“
She nods, exhaling from her mouth. “She was helpful,“ she says. “I just needed to get some air. Her husband should be coming back at some point and I don’t know how long I can sit there and pretend we’re friends.“
“Okay. We can go for a drive,“ Misha says. “Did she say anything useful?“
“Yeah, I’ll fill you in,“ she says. “She also said she’d give us access to all of her notes, so that shouldn’t be an issue. I’m just…“
Misha walks up to her. I can’t see her expression as he’s blocking her, but I know his hands are on her arms. He’s doing his best to make her feel better. I should feel grateful for that, but something unusual stirs inside me, something I don’t like.
I don’t like being jealous. It rarely happens, and it never feels justified.
There are also several things wrong here.
Firstly, I have noreasonto be jealous. Misha is her friend–our friend–and he’s comforting her after an emotionally difficult experience. Secondly, even if they were sleeping together, it’s absolutely none of my fucking business.
Even if I had a chance in hell with this girl, which I don’t, I took vows. I’mcelibate.
I’ve been tempted before, of course–temptation is all around me all the time. But nothing gets to me the way Trine Lange does. She gets under my skin. It feels like her scent seeps into my blood, makes it hard for me to think. Tobreathe.
Every time I close my eyes, I think about her hand sliding down the front of her body until her hands were inside her underwear. Just the memory of it is almost enough to get me hard.
Rei notices something is up and flashes me a questioning look, but I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to say. How can I begin to explain any of this, especially in front of her?
“She said she’d let us have access to her files, but I don’t…“
“You guys should look,“ I say before I can stop myself. “I can take Trine on a drive.“
