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Judging by her expression, that wasn’t the answer shewanted.
“I don’t dislike my job. I like helping people, and I like challenges. If I didn’t do this, I have no idea what else I’d even be qualified todo.”
“It’s never too late to retrain for anothercareer.”
“I don’t want anothercareer.”
“Good to know.” Mary set down her pen. “Let’s assume that you don’t find hunting down these magical beings, or being hunted down in turn, stressful.” Her face twisted, as if she had a hard time believing that. “I find that chronic stress, which many people deal with, often stems from a clash between what we think society wants from us and what we believewewant. The expectations of others, whether perceived or genuine, can be a greatburden.”
“Nokidding.”
“Does it bother you that you’re sent out to kill these intelligent beings when they haven’t received trials or a fairhearing?”
“No.”
At least it hadn’t until she’d pointed this out. Wasn’t she supposed to make my life easier, not moreconflicted?
“They’re not ambiguous cases.” Usually. “And I purposely don’t get to know any of them. I just show up and do the job so they can’t go on hurtingpeople.”
“So you distance yourself fromthem.”
I shrugged. “Iguess.”
“And how is your relationship with yourfamily?”
“Fine,” I said tersely, debating whether to warn her that she was straying close to mylist.
“Are youmarried?”
“Divorced. A long timeago.”
“Children?”
“One.”
“Does she live withyou?”
“Are you kidding? Didn’t you hear the part about assassins coming to my apartment? It’s been broken into eight times since I moved into it last year. Twice when I was there. I have four deadbolts, and I sleep with Chopper and Fezzik on the bed next tome.”
“Are those…dogs?”
“No, my sword and mygun.”
“Ah.” She started writing notes again. “So your daughter lives with your ex-husband?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you see heroften?”
“No.”
“So moredistance.”
“Yeah, yeah. Look, let me sum this up for you. My job is dangerous, it makes my life dangerous, and so I don’t form relationships because anyone close to me could become a target for someone on a revenge mission. That’s not hypothetical. That’shappenedto me—to a friend. Yes, it’s lonely sometimes, and yes, I get that people are supposed to be social creatures, but the only way I could get out of the loop I’m in would be to quit my job and move to the other side of the world. I’ve tried quitting before, but as soon as someone gets killed and I see that the mundane authorities aren’t able to do enough, I have to go back to it. I can’t stand by and do nothing when I know I could help.” I flopped back against the backrest, more frustrated than relaxed by this chat. “I don’t want to talk about myjob.”
“What do you want to talkabout?”
“Can’t you give me some breathing exercises to do when I feeltense?”
