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“There are about twenty thousand meditation and breathing apps in the app stores,” Marysaid.
“That’s your advice? Go downloadapps?”
“Actually, I don’t give advice. I’m just here to listen to you and help you figure out solutions on yourown.”
“And that’s what pays for the leather couches and marblefloors?”
“Those came with the building. I just rent theoffice.”
“Wonderful.” I checked the door to make sure there weren’t any threats about to barge in and closed my eyes. A headache wasburgeoning.
“If you like, you can try the 4-7-8 breathing technique. Whenever you feel agitated, inhale through your nose for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, then exhale slowly for eight seconds. This helps switch your body from a flight-or-fight state to a relaxed state by activating the parasympathetic nervoussystem.”
I opened an eye. That sounded vaguelyuseful.
“Are there other people like you?” Mary asked. “In your, ah,industry?”
“There are some mixed-blood humans who gather intelligence in the office I work for, and some of the police have experience with the magical, but I’ve been the go-to assassin in the Pacific Northwest for the last ten years. There are others in other parts of the country and around theworld.”
“Are thereconferences?”
“Oh sure, and I get the industrymagazine.”
“I’ll take that for ano.”
“Nothing for assassins specializing in the magical. I don’t do hits on humans or hang out with people who do. I’m not a bad guy, damn it.” Maybe it was hypocritical of me to find killing acceptable as long as I didn’t prey on my own kind, but it was what itwas.
“The reason I ask is because, since you don’t believe normal humans can protect themselves against yourenemies—”
“Theycan’t.”
“—then perhaps you could forge friendships with other mixed-blood colleagues, people whocouldtake care ofthemselves.”
I couldn’t keep from making a face. “The guys I know are cocky assholes who are in it for themoney.”
“And the magical themselves? Those who haven’t broken laws? Would they not have the power to protectthemselves?”
“Some of them do. Some are here hiding on Earth because they don’t have much power. But I don’t talk to them unless I’m questioning someone and trying to get a lead. They’re not in love with me. They have lots of unflattering nicknames for me. They always seem to know what Ido.”
“All of them? I ask because it doesn’t sound like you’re willing to give up your job, but there is tension in how it affects your life, and this need you feel to distance yourself from everyone may be affecting you on a personal level.” Mary was going to writedistanceon my chart in all caps, I could tell. “You might have more luck finding a support group or a relationship, if that is something you seek, among those who you deem capable enough to deal with yourshrapnel.”
“I do not seek a relationship, thank you very much. I didn’t come here because I need ahookup.”
“That’s not what I was suggesting.” Her tone was drynow.
Were therapists supposed to be dry? I thought it was a requirement that they radiate love andcompassion.
“Is there anything else you want to talk about?” Maryasked.
“No.” I glanced at the clock. We still had more than a half hour left, but I needed to get across town, so I didn’t mind quitting early. “I have stuff todo.”
She hesitated, then pulled out a card. “Here’s my cell phone number if you need to call or text. I don’t always answer, but if you leave a message, I’ll get back to yousoon.”
I’d gotten a breathing technique to use, so I didn’t plan to come back for another appointment, much less call her at home, but I accepted the card. “Do you always give the weirdos you see this much access toyou?”
“No, but you seem like someone who may need after-hourshelp.”
What didthatmean? That she thought I was a suicidecandidate?
“I can’t be more messed up than the guy chanting to himself in the waitingroom.”
“Those are song lyrics, I’ve been told. If you want to schedule another appointment, Tara can help.” Mary smiled. “I hope youwill.”
“Because the rent is due soon? You can’t possibly have found any of thatproductive.”
“It’s about whatyoufind productive. But I think you should have started talking to someone the first time you lost a friend because of yourwork.”
“The person I would have talked to was the person Ilost.”
