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“Go on.”
“Ollie was born with one kidney not fully formed. He was premature, but we also think there was a genetic issue causing his kidneys to not form properly. He only has one that works, and that one is failing. If he doesn’t get a transplant soon…”
She trailed off, but the weight of what she said hit me hard. I fell back in my chair and took a second to catch my breath. It felt like all the air had left my lungs. Once again, I found myself looking over at the emptied out mini bar wishing that Duncan hadn’t been so thorough.
No, stop that, Alex, I scolded myself.
You had your pity party already. Time to man up.
Both Grace and your son need you to be present.
Chapter 12
Grace
Alex stared off into space. His face was a blank mask. No hint of emotion to know what he might be thinking. I hated that, I wanted him to say something. Anything. Just to break the silence.
When he didn’t say a word, I decided I had to be the one to say something.
“So, does this mean you’re going to run away again? Since you don’t want to be a father anyway?” My voice was tinged with anger, and my fists were balled at my sides.
Alex’s face not only softened, but he flinched as if I’d hit him. “No, Grace. Of course not. I’m just– well, I’m processing everything. This is a lot. I find out I have a three-year-old son and then you tell me he’s, well, you know.”
Even he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. His eyes were downturned and held a sadness that reminded me of the old Alex I used to know. The one who didn’t run away from his problems, the one who I could count on when I needed him.
Maybe Duncan was right. Maybe he was still the same man. For Ollie’s sake, I hoped so.
“I’m also thinking,” he continued. “Because I know that kidney issues run on my mom’s side of the family. My uncle died from kidney failure. Albeit he was in his fifties at the time, I can’t help but wonder if it’s related, if I’m the reason Ollie is suffering now.”
“Even if that’s the case, Alex, it doesn’t matter. We can’t change the past, and I wouldn’t take back having Ollie for the world. All that matters now is finding him a kidney. Sadly, I’m not a match and neither is anyone in my family. Everyone I know has been tested, and none of us are a match.”
“I’ll get tested.”
A knot formed in my throat; my voice barely came out. “Thank you, Alex.”
“I just worry if the kidney issue is genetic, I might not be able to. But if I can give him a kidney, Grace, I will. I’ll give him both kidneys if that’s what it takes.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks, and it took me a second to find my voice. “Thank you, Alex,” I repeated.
Alex stood up from the chair and came over to me, kneeling beside me and taking my hands in his.
“When can I get tested?”
“We can talk to the doctors tomorrow morning.”
Alex nodded and gave my hand a squeeze. “Do you think, if it’s not too much trouble, that is, do you think I could meet him?”
“Of course,” I said, my hands shaking from emotions. “He’s in the PICU, but you can come by tomorrow, if you’d like.”
“Thank you, Grace.” Alex lifted one of my hands to his lips, and the feeling of his warm breath against my skin sent a shiver throughout my entire body. He kissed my hand.
I couldn’t believe it when I saw tears in his eyes. He wiped them away before they could fall, but I couldn’t recall ever seeing Alex cry before. Even with all the abuse and trauma of his youth, he’d never cried in front of me.
“I missed so much. Fuck, I didn’t want kids because I didn’t want to screw things up, but somehow, I managed to do that anyway. I’m so sorry, Grace. I should have called, I just never imagined—”
“I know, we can’t change the past, Alex, all we can do is focus on the future.”
He nodded. “I know, but there’s still fear there, Grace…fear that I’m just like my dad. I’m afraid, and I can’t raise Ollie like that.”
