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“Stop it. You're nothing like your dad, Alex.”
“I am, Grace. More than you realize. And for that reason, I don’t know if I’ll be a good father, but I know I can try. And I can promise you one thing? I will donate a kidney if I can, and you will never want for anything. I will take care of both of you.”
Emotion took hold, and before I knew what I was doing, I hugged Alex. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my head against his strong chest, inhaling his musky scent.
It felt just like old times for a moment.
He lifted my head and forced me to stare into his eyes. His lips came close, and before I knew it, we were kissing.
My lips opened for him, inviting him in.
God, he tasted so good, and I fell into his embrace. I forgot about everything for a brief second before reality hit me.
I pulled back, placing a hand on his chest to keep him at a distance.
“We can’t, Alex.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I wanted it too, but we can’t. We can’t get emotions involved right now. We need to focus on Ollie. We can’t let our feelings get in the way of what’s best for him.”
“I agree.”
His words broke my heart a little. Part of me had hoped he would disagree with me, tell me we should be together, but I knew it was for the best.
We couldn’t afford to throw our complicated feelings into this mess. Maybe one day… but not now.
Chapter 13
Alex
“He’s sleeping,” Grace whispered as she stepped aside to usher me inside. “But he sleeps most of the time right now, so it’s okay for you to come in.”
I stepped inside the hospital room, the sounds and the smells overwhelming my senses. A constant beeping came from Ollie’s bedside, and more beeps echoed down the hallway. The place felt sterile and cold.
But all of that disappeared when I reached the side of the hospital bed and stared down at my little boy.
“He’s so small,” I whispered to no one in particular.
“He is small for his age, mostly due to his health issues,” Grace said softly.
His dark hair was the exact same shade of mine. It was wispy and soft, and I brushed it from his face, feeling the softness of his skin for the first time. He stirred and I backed off, but his eyes didn’t open.
I found myself scared to touch him.
Not just because I didn’t want to wake him; I was scared I might hurt him.
“It’s okay, even if he wakes up, he’ll fall back asleep as soon as you leave,” Grace said.
I didn’t know how to tell her it was more than that, but I nodded and once again moved to his bedside. My eyes stung with tears as I looked at all the tubes coming out of him.
It wasn’t right. The world wasn’t fair. No child deserved this.
But he wasn’t just any child, he was my child.
It had taken everything in me not to drink the night before after going home. I’d stayed sober. I knew that if I were to donate a kidney, I likely wouldn’t be able to drink anyway. Ollie deserved that from me. I needed to do this for him.
Even if it still scared me to death to be a father.
