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I frown and start tying my other shoelace, not entirely sure if that wouldn’t be a good thing anyway. Oh my god. How despicable could I be? What sort of potential mother says that about her unborn child? Tears come again at the thought of my own emotions, making me hang my head in my hands and bawl into them. I don’t know why I even feel like this. It is positive one minute and negative the next. All good, and then so far from good I can’t even see good. “You wanna come back to mine? The lease is still in your name so it’s still yours really. You know, while Alex is away you could take a break and just chill for a bit.”
My head rises slowly, snot beginning to clear at the thought of company. Yes, I do want to go back to hers. I want to feel like I mean something again. Or at the very least feel like someone gives a shit about my existence. Why is he running away from me?
“Yes.”
“Okay. Good. Let’s get this shit done then, yeah?” I nod and suck in some rapid breaths, fanning my eyes so that Angelo crap chef doesn’t know I’ve been having a mini meltdown. “And when it’s all over we can sack small cock boy out there because he really is useless, and he’s a shit cook anyway, so no real loss in the long term.” I snort at the way she measures ability. She’s right, though. Well, about the cooking bit. I wouldn’t know about the small cock bit. She obviously does. “I don’t know why you don’t get James to come back and-“
“Because he’s running the New York store, Teresa,” I cut in, pushing past her to get back to the kitchen. “He can’t be in two places at once.” I go to grab my apron again and oh holy shit. “OMG it’s a bombsite in here, Angelo.” Where is he? “Angelo?” I look around – nothing. “Where’s he gone?” She shrugs her shoulders.
“Dunno. I’ll go hunt.”
Yes, go hunt, because honestly if I get my hands on him feisty Beth is coming out to play, pregnant or not.
***
At some point between Teresa finding Angelo, me putting on some music and the actual job being finished, I remembered that I had a doctor’s appointment at five thirty. It’s now six and I’m waiting in Harley Street, alone, again. I didn’t ask Teresa to come, or tell her about it. I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s that I don’t want anyone here but Alex. It’s only relevant to me and him. It’s ours. Ours alone. Not part of Pascal or Lilah. Not part of Belle or Conner. Not part of our friends. It’s just for us. Just us two. And yet here I sit with him thousands of miles away. He hasn’t even text me. Why not? He knows about the appointment. It’s his insurance for god’s sake. He knows everything about the appointments. He chose the clinician. Made sure she was the best money could buy. But he’s not here to see it through with me, is he? Not even a phone call.
My phone chirps beside me, so I look, a smile on my face that he has remembered.
Or maybe not. Teresa.
- Curry? Or Pizza? X
What does it matter?
- You choose x
“Miss Scott?” I look up to find Dr Rachel Hollister smiling at me. She’s stunning, annoyingly. Just what you need when still covered in a day’s worth of filth and grime. At least she’s not a man, I suppose. Alex made damn sure of that.
“Hi, Rachel.”
“You okay?” she asks, waving her hand towards the open doorway.
“Not bad.” That’s all I’ve got on the matter, because no, I’m not okay.
“No Alex?”
“No. He’s in New York,” I reply, attempting my brightest smile. It’s mainly to cover the fact that I could cry again if I thought about it. I’m lonely without him, and scared. This is the farthest we’ve got with this, and I so desperately want him to be happy about it all, but he’s not.
“Never mind. You can give him the really hard work when baby comes along.” She waves me over to the bench, stirrups already in situ. “Any problems at all? And I’m sorry about the bench. It looks more frightening than it is.” I snort. It looks like child’s play to me. “I just want a good look inside this time if you don’t mind.”
“Why? Everything’s fine.”
“It’s just precaution. After last time I want to make sure everything is exactly where it should be.”
“Oh, okay.”
“If you could just slip your jeans off. I’ll give you a minute to get ready.”
She closes the curtain around me after that and starts tapping on a computer, so I slide out of the grotty day old clothes and lay myself down. Just what I need. As if being filthy wasn’t enough, I’m now going to have another woman’s hand shoved in my bits.
How lovely.
Chapter 6
Pascal
Ah, London.
