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Chapter Eleven
Jaime
How in the world do we go from light and casual to labels and relationships?
That’s exactly what happened in a matter of moments at breakfast. One minute I’m sitting down, my hand comfortably resting on Ryan’s leg, when one of my sisters brings up dating. I know AJ meant no harm in asking her blasé question, but it struck a nerve and rocked me to the core.
See, this is why I didn’t want to date. I’m not ready to think about anything more than a few casual dates. And that is different than dating. At least it is to me. I’m all about maybe having a little fun with Ryan, because he is that–fun. He proved that over and over again last night. I have a great time with him, and if I wanted to, I might even be weak enough to admit I feel the chemistry he keeps referring to. But the fact is, I’m just not ready for anything serious.
Clearly, it’s time to nip this whole pre-relationship thing in the bud.
Cut my losses, and all that.
Get out while I still have possession of my heart.
Pulling into the driveway, Ryan cuts the engine and comes around to the passenger side. Still, without saying a word, he places his hand on my lower back and steers me towards his front door.
“I should go,” I whisper, averting my eyes, before we get to the front door.
Ryan’s hand stills just before his key reaches the doorknob. “Jaime -” he starts as he turns to face me.
I don’t let him get any further. “I had a great time last night,” I start, retreating just a few steps backwards. “Thank you for having me over for dinner last night. And…the other…thing.”
One eyebrow shoots heavenward “Thing?” he asks, a slight smirk playing on the corners of his lips.
“You know what I meant,” I mumble, ready to cut tail and run.
My breathing is shallow and my pulse beating a steady stream of Morse Code against my throat. My heart is telling me to run before Ryan has the chance to destroy it like a paper shredder, but my body is the ultimate traitor, pulling me back towards Ryan.
As Ryan’s long legs eat up the porch between us, I sway in his direction, drawn by some sort of magical pull that only he seems to possess. Strong arms wrap around me, and I don’t fight it. I’m helpless against it.
My hand holds a slight tremor as Ryan links his fingers around mine. Deep brown eyes focus entirely on me, burning into my soul with their honesty and hunger. “I know this is new and terrifying, but I’m not letting you push me away. I get that you’re scared, and that’s okay. I wasn’t looking for anything right now either, but shit happens. It did happen. I met you, and you’re the best thing to happen to me in a long damn time.”
Oxygen evaporates completely from the air. As if he could read my mind, Ryan confirms that he is ready to go to battle against every insecurity and demon I have. My fear of falling for the wrong guy, only to get my heart broken again, is put right out there on a silver platter. What more, Ryan seems unfazed by his revelation. Instead, he’s taking it as a challenge, a minor detail to overcome.
“So here’s the deal: I’m going to let you get into your car and head home. I’m going to give you a little space to sort through the crap you’re dealing with in that beautiful head of yours. But know this: I’m not going anywhere. I will fight for you–for us–because I believe this –” he gestures between the two of us, “is worth fighting for. Already I know it. I feel it. I believe deep down at the bottom of my soul that what we have is the start of something special. That we are worth it, and I’m ready to find out if that feeling is right.”
Ryan places a firm kiss on my lips before stepping back, allowing me the space to leave. I’m breathless–from the kiss and from his declaration–as I make my way to my car. Dropping into the front seat, my legs quiver and my hand trembles as I attempt to slide my key into the ignition. After the third try, I finally hit pay dirt, and my Honda fires up.
I feel Ryan’s eyes on me as I back out of his driveway and pull onto the street. Before shifting to drive, I risk a glance back up to the porch. Ryan is standing there, his hands resting on the handrail. I almost throw the car in drive and pull back in the driveway.
Almost.
Instead, I slowly release the break and move forward. Ryan watches me, our eyes locked on each other until I’m forced to look ahead to the road. Even then, I still couldn’t miss the grin that consumed his full lips a split second before I turned away.
It’s that grin that keeps me company on my drive home. That smile and those eyes and that incredible body that won’t quit. But as I pull into my own driveway, it’s his words that finally cause my body to sag in defeat. Because if I’ve learned anything about Ryan Elson, it’s that he won’t let this go–he won’t let me go. At least not yet.
Oh, he’ll be back. He’ll give me the space I need, but then he’ll come for me. You can bet on it, because he wants me. I see it in his eyes and feel it in his touch. We’re two separate magnets pulled together by a natural force. It’s absolute. Final.
Closing my eyes in resignation, I realize one thing; I’m not strong enough to fight it.
***
“What do you say to coming over and watching a movie Friday night?” Payton asks while we tidy up the worktable the following Wednesday afternoon.
I haven’t heard from Ryan yet, but I know his radio silence won’t last much longer. He offered to give me space so that I could work out my concerns when it comes to him and dating. I go from wanting to run as fast and as far away as I possibly can in the opposite direction to willing to jump in with both feet, and every possibility in between. I’ve been over this every which way in the last three days numerous times, but I keep coming back to the same thing every time: I want him.
That doesn’t mean that I’m not scared to death of getting hurt again, which is why I’m willing to date Ryan casually. Keep it informal, and keep my heart safe. A few friendly dinners, followed by more mind-blowing sex. Walk away when it starts getting personal. Easy peasy.
