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The doctor hesitates. We all see it. “We’re going to do everything we can for Mr. Harrison. We’re ready to get him to the OR and prepped for surgery. He has been in and out of consciousness, and even though we’ve tried to sedate him, he refuses until he gets to see you first. It’ll have to be a very short visit, but you can come in while we prep Mr. Harrison to be moved.”
“Thank you,” she replies, latching on to Dad’s hand. Together, they walk towards the closed doors. Before they can enter the emergency room, Meghan turns. “Oh, my phone.”
“I have it,” I say, pulling it from my pocket.
“Someone needs to call his parents.”
“I’ll do it,” Grandma says, stepping forward and reaching for the phone in my hand.
“John and Angie,” she says before turning and disappearing behind the doorway.
I don’t pay attention to Grandma as she walks across the room to make the call that none of us wants to make. Instead, I head over to one of the hard plastic chairs against the stark-white wall. Dean is there, holding my hand as we wait. There’s no conversations, no small talk, no noise except for the ticking of the wall clock. We all sit or stand, anxiously awaiting word of Josh’s condition. My hand is warm where he holds it tightly in his own, the silent gesture of support appreciated more than he’ll ever know.
It seems like only a matter of minutes before Meghan and Dad are back from the ER. She looks completely stricken, heartbroken and inconsolable. I instantly worry that something happened while they were inside.
“They’re taking him into surgery now. They said they’d keep us updated, but they won’t know the extent of some of the injuries until they get him opened up,” Dad says, steering his daughter towards the floral patterned vinyl covered loveseat. “Someone will be in shortly to move us up to a waiting room by the OR.”
Meghan stares at the ground, completely ignoring everyone and everything around her. I suppose if I were in her shoes, I’d be the same way. Just the thought of Dean being on the other side of that wall makes my heart bleed and the lump lodged in my throat suffocating. Sitting here, surrounded by the scent of sterile chemicals and stale coffee, I know I’m completely in love with him.
I just wish I knew what to do about it.
After months of dancing around emotions and each other, we’ve finally decided to give a relationship a try. And what does it give me? Clarity. Clearly we’ve been working towards this place for a while now. Everything was fast-tracked in Richmond. The slow dance we partook in led us right here: to the big L.
I’m not certain he feels the same, but he might. I’ve seen the way he looks at me. I’m not so dense that I haven’t felt his eyes on me or swooned at the smile he gives me when he thinks I’m not looking. Something has been brewing for a while now, and I know he feels it too.
His arm wraps around my shoulder, pulling me into his embrace. My head connects with his chest, his heart beating strong against my ear. I try to relax, taking deep cleansing breaths in and out. Unfortunately, the calming effect only lasts a few moments before the reality of the situation rears its ugly head again.
After about twenty minutes, we’re moved to another room. This one is larger with old copies of magazines on the tables and a television on mute in the corner that’s on some news channel. Not long after that, the door opens and Josh’s parents run in. I’ve met them both on a few occasions where our family gathers with his family and they seem like great people. Like their son.
Angie is hysterical and clings to Meghan as if she were a lifeline. They’re both speaking through their sobs, but I’m unable to tell what they’re saying. John goes over to my dad and grandparents first. My dad fills him in on the information that the doctor gave before taking Josh to surgery. Once he has all of the details, John settles into the chair beside his wife and holds her.
The minutes crawl by at a snail’s pace. Ryan and Jaime are over with AJ and Lexi, while Abby is curled into our father’s arms. Meghan still sits in a chair, rocking and praying. Her eyes are glued to the floor, but when they do finally glance around the room, they look so haunted and empty.
Dean has been stationed beside me since we arrived almost one hour ago. His presence is not only comforting, but necessary. He’s the very air I breathe, and I’m not sure I’d be able to keep my sanity without him here.
We’ve made small talk to help pass the time. Five seconds after our conversations, however, I’ve already forgotten what was discussed. My mind just keeps replaying everything about this night, from hearing about the accident all the way to waiting out the surgery. How can we go from drinking and painting, laughing and have a great time, to this?
It seems like an eternity before the door finally opens. The doctor from earlier, along with another man in scrubs, come in, their faces void of emotions. We all stand up. The room is silent except that stupid ticking of the clock on the wall. No one moves, no one breathes. When their eyes lock on Meghan’s, I know.
I know.
And she does too.
The worst cry I’ve ever heard erupts from my sister, her legs refuse to hold her body up any longer. Mrs. Harrison wails beside her before collapsing on the floor right next to Meghan. They cling to each other tightly, neither of them ready for the words that will haunt them until their dying day.
John and my dad each help the ladies up off the floor and guide them into chairs. Both doctors sit across from them, speaking softly in hushed tones. Finally, Meghan looks up and shakes her head.
“I’m Dr. Lopez, the neurosurgeon for Jupiter Bay Hospital. My team, along with that of Dr. Beck, did everything we could for Mr. Harrison. Unfortunately, the extent of his injuries to his chest, as well as the damage to his brain, was too severe. He passed away in surgery while we were trying to stop the bleeding.”
Meghan’s head drops, her shoulders shaking from the force of her crying. I tune out the rest of their conversation and everyone around me. The weight of what has happened is too much to bear. I turn into Dean’s arms and cry. I cry for my sister, for the beautiful soul that was Josh, for his parents and siblings, as well as our own family, who has grown to love that man as if he had always been a part of it.
There will never be another Josh Harrison.
Ever.
My heart is completely broken.
