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“No, no plans.” I avoid eye contact and keep moving papers around on my desk.
I notice right away that she’s quiet and can feel her eyes on me. Instead of looking up and confronting her inquisitive eyes, I keep my head down, piling the papers. It only takes a few moments before I feel the weight of her stare and know that I’m avoiding the situation, not her.
“I haven’t talked to him much this week,” I confess.
“Why?” she asks, sitting down in the seat in front of my desk.
“It’s not going to work.” Saying those words aloud is almost gut-wrenching.
“I know how you feel,” she whispers. My eyes fly to her. She looks so defeated with her hands twisting together in her lap.
“What’s the matter?”
“I don’t think I can be friends with Levi anymore,” she confesses, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
“Why not? You two have been friends for as long as I can remember.”
“I know. He’s great, really. But lately, things have been…different.”
“Different how?”
“I don’t know, really.” She’s quiet for several moments, and even though I want to press her for more info, I sit back and wait. “He still wants to hang out, but I don’t think I can.” She averts her eyes. “I…I, well, I like him.”
“Duh.” The word is out of my mouth before I can rein it in, and if the way she looks at me, full of surprise, she wasn’t expecting me to say it either. “Sorry.”
“I know you all think I’m in love with him, and well, maybe I am a little, but he’s my friend. That’s it.”
“That doesn’t have to be it,” I encourage her.
“Yes it does. He’s made it very clear that he sees me as a friend and nothing more.”
“Things change.”
“No they don’t. Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s a Friday night, you have a boyfriend, and you’re choosing to work instead. Even though you have a reason to go home, you’re here.”
“I’m here because I’m a chicken too.” Again, I surprise even myself with my bluntness.
“What do you mean?” she asks.
“Things aren’t working out with Dean and I’m hiding out here and working instead of talking to him and just ending it.”
“Why do you have to end it?”
I want to tell her, dammit I want to confide in her so bad. “It’s complicated.”
“Life is complicated. I want my best friend. I’m the poster child for complicated, Pay.”
“Touché.”
“So tell me about your problem with Dean.”
“He’s great, Abs. He’s caring and doting with his daughter, he’s sexy in that geeky way, and he’s fabulous in bed. He’s picture perfect in the relationship department, and will make some woman very happy in the future.”
“But not you?”
“No, not me,” I tell her with a sigh. “He’s not going to want me.”
“Why would he not? I see the way he looks at you. Not to mention how supportive and amazing he was all through the funeral. He went above and beyond the typical boyfriend, Pay. If it wasn’t so sweet it would have been nauseating.”
