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When I look to my left, I find the life-size cutout of me in my baseball uniform from one of my sponsors. I laugh, not really surprised by its random appearance in our bedroom. AJ loves that thing and regularly molests the cardboard cutout. When we work out, she always grabs my cardboard crotch. Usually that happens before I grab her.
And give her my real crotch.
Something beside the cutout draws my attention. It’s sticking out of the wall on the opposite side of the cardboard me. When I reach it, I’m stunned. Shocked. Mortified. And a little turned on.
Attached to my wall is a long, thin red dildo. It’s suction cupped in place, and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
“AJ!” I holler, shell-shocked at the appearance of yet another sex toy in my house.
The love of my life slips into the silent bedroom. “Is everything okay?”
My eyes are still trained on the dick. “Another gift?” I ask, finally glancing over my shoulder and watching as her eyes search, landing on what I’m referencing. Then, she collapses in a fit of laughter.
“Holy shit,” she says, holding her stomach and bending forward in amusement. When she gets herself under control, she walks over and slides under my arm, wrapping both of hers around my waist.
Kissing the top of her head, we both gaze at the protruding wall dick. “That might be fun,” I concede.
AJ starts to giggle again. “Actually, I don’t think that’s for me.”
Wait. What? “Pardon?” I ask, wide-eyed and shocked.
“Well, look at the position. It’s actually lined right up with Mr. Randall’s sexy cutout.”
“Exactly, it’s the perfect height for you.”
“No, you’re tall. You have to widen your stance when you give it to me from behind,” she says, making my dick instantly hard in my jeans.
Before I can reply, I hear a drawer close in the bathroom. Moments later, Grandma appears behind us, happy little grandmotherly smile on her evil face. “Oh, I see you’ve found it!” she cheers, clapping her hands.
“What is this exactly?” I ask, turning to face the elderly woman, while still keeping AJ in my arms. “And why were you in our bathroom?”
Ignoring the second question, she says, “Your present!”
“Mine?” My throat is instantly dry.
“Sure is. I picked out that big Bubba cock for AJ, and Grandpa chose the slimmer, more flexible model for you.”
“Grandpa?” AJ asks, her voice hoarse and quiet.
“Did you notice it suctions to the wall,” Grandpa says, exiting our bathroom with a pleased look on his face.
“Oh, hell,” I grumble as AJ gasps.
“You’re out of rubbers,” Grandpa says as he joins us in the bedroom.
“Don’t worry, though. We remedied that,” Grandma adds.
“Don’t use them. Never use condoms from Grandma and Grandpa. I wouldn’t put it past them to tamper with them,” AJ whispers into my side.
“We’d never do that to you. Abby and Levi? All bets are off with them,” Grandma says with a shrug, as if it’s no big deal.
“Well, we’d never do that before the wedding. You know, if Sawyer ever gets off the pot,” Grandpa adds.
“But Abby and Levi aren’t married,” AJ refutes.
“Semantics,” Grandma waves off.
“When are you gonna get off the pot?” Grandpa asks me with an inquisitive glare, putting me firmly in the hot seat.
