AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I do feel better,” I confess, tears threatening to spill once more. “I don’t know what came over me. It was like everything that has gone wrong in my life, all just sort of exploded like a volcano. And once it started to erupt, I couldn’t stop it.”
I take a deep breath before continuing. “I know he’s gone, but it was like, tonight, I finally let go. Everyone kept saying anger was part of the grieving process, but I didn’t believe it. I guess I proved them all right, huh? And only two years late.”
“There is no timeline for grief,” he says softly.
“I guess,” I shrug, feeling small and tired. “It’s time, isn’t it.” It’s not a question. “It’s time to stop living in the past and…let go.” Just saying the words feels like someone sliced my chest open with a box cutter. “I don’t know if I can do it, though. I’m letting go of everything I’ve ever envisioned for myself. Our life together.”
“You don’t have to let him go completely, you know. There’s room for him and whatever your future has in store for you, Meg. Josh will always have a place in your heart.”
Blinking the tears, I nod my head. “I know. I was always so afraid to acknowledge that, but I guess tonight, it happened all on its own.”
“Not a bad thing. Now, you can live. I knew Josh well enough to know he would want that for you.”
Again, I nod and sniffle. “I know. You’re completely right, and everyone keeps reminding me of that. It’s just so…hard, you know? Everything we had planned, every wish we had ever made was together. It’s just gone, and I don’t know how to deal with that.”
“Well, you start with baby steps. Dreams come in all shapes and sizes, right? So let’s start small and work our way up,” he suggests.
“We?” I ask with a smile.
“We. We’re a team.”
The way he says that makes me smile. It’s a small one, but it’s there nonetheless. The idea of being a part of a team once more, of having a friend or someone close to you to share the burden is awfully appealing.
Plus, there’s Nick, and he’s quite appealing himself.
We lie in silence for a while, the occasional noise of a passing vehicle mixed with our breathing are the only sounds. I think about Josh and everything we shared, and then I try to look to the future. It’s scary and dark. A mystery. But if I think about what Nick said, about taking small steps toward whatever the future may hold for me, then it doesn’t look so daunting.
It almost feels manageable.
“You know, there’s never been another man in this bed.”
“I can go,” Nick says, starting to get up.
“No,” I reply immediately, reaching for his arm. “Stay. I want you to stay.” And I’m surprised to realize how much truth is in that statement. “Please.”
His hazel eyes look dark in the moonlight, and they follow my every move. They appear so relaxed, so familiar, and yet hold so many secrets. His cheekbones are high and his jaw covered in two days’ worth of stubble. Nick hasn’t shaved daily since Collette moved out of his life and took his cat.
I glance at his nose, which is usually fairly straight, but tonight is a bit tweaked and puffy. You know, from where I punched him?
And then my eyes fall to his lips. His perfectly kissable, soft lips. I probably shouldn’t be thinking about them that way, but I can’t seem to stop myself. “Your lip is swollen,” I whisper, lightly touching the smarted flesh of his bottom lip.
“Pssh, you should see the other guy,” he teases, trying to give me a grin, but realizing it pulls against the broken flesh.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. I’ve never been beat up by a gorgeous woman before. Not that I’ll be telling all my buddies, but it wasn’t so bad.”
“You think I’m gorgeous?” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. Dammit!
“I think you’re incredibly beautiful. And smart. And funny. And when you smile, I think the sun shines even brighter.”
My heart gallops in my chest and I almost forget how to breathe. I have no idea what to say, or if I’m supposed to say anything in return. What do I say, “Thanks, you’re pretty damn hot yourself?”
Instead of saying words, I place my arm across his side, resting it on his back. The movement brings our bodies much closer than they’ve ever really been – especially on this more intimate level. Nick brings his arm up and sets it on my side. He moves so slowly, as if testing the waters.
I don’t stop him.
When our arms are crossed, essentially holding each other, I lean my head forward against his jaw. I exhale deeply, then breathe in his woodsy scent. Sure, there’s a weird mixture of sweat and blood, but it’s oddly familiar. He just smells like…Nick. Leaning in even more, my cheek comes to rest on his chest. His very firm, muscular chest. I can hear the steady beat of his heart beneath his tank top, a solid reminder that he’s alive. That I’m alive.
I close my eyes and relax into our new (and really nice) position, entwined together on top of my bed. The events of the night, the day, the week, and hell, probably the last couple of years, finally catch up to me and start to drag me under. My eyelids can no longer stay open and my mind just wants to shut down. For the first time in…forever, I don’t dwell on the past, like I normally do at bedtime. I don’t think about what I lost or the one who was stolen from me. I don’t picture our future and what could have been.
For the first time in so very long, I’m not alone.
