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Chapter Twenty-Four
Nick
We’re walking side-by-side, her eyes lighting up in that way I haven’t seen in so very long. When she smiles, her entire face illuminates and I feel almost invincible. Like I can do anything – will do anything – for this woman.
Suddenly, we’re walking down an alley.
Where are we?
Meghan is still talking and smiling, but something feels…off to me.
Suddenly, she’s pulling away. I try to hang on to her hand, but it’s no use. I just can’t keep my grip on her.
She spins around, looking, searching for me. “Nick?” she panics, the whites of her eyes visible, even in the darkness.
“I’m here,” I reassure her, trying frantically to find her hand once more.
Our eyes connect, and all feels right again. But suddenly, she looks fearful once more. “Josh? Josh? No, Josh! Don’t leave!” she hollers into the darkness, my heart breaking from her angst, her tears.
I glance around and spy the familiar light in my room, and suddenly realize where I am. The sheet is tugged against my naked body. Meghan is there, thrashing in her sleep, calling out for the man who is no longer here.
“Josh!”
Taking her in my arms, I pull her close, trying to gently wake her from her dreams. I swear you can hear my heart pounding in my chest for miles. “Shhhhh,” I whisper, placing a tender kiss on her temple. “You’re having a dream,” I tell her, feeling the moment she wakes with a start.
“Nick?” she asks, gasping for air.
“It’s me, honey. I’m here.” My heart cracks open, bleeding a little bit for her – and for me. But I try to push aside the hurt I feel at her calling out someone else’s name, and focus on helping her breathe deep and calm down.
She’s silent for what feels like an hour, even though in reality, it’s only a couple of minutes. Her gasps slowly even out, but her hold on me doesn’t loosen. Her hands are around my arms, her body tucked against mine. Every so often she snuggles in closer, like she just can’t get close enough.
“I have dreams,” she finally says in the darkness. I try to remain relaxed, but I know my body tenses. I can’t help it.
“Do you want to talk about them?” I ask, gently rubbing her hair and swiping it away from her sweaty forehead.
She takes a deep breath. “I’ve never talked about them.”
Releasing my own breath, I kiss her temple. “It’s okay. You don’t have to.”
She lies beside me for several long seconds before speaking again. “It’s always the same dream. Most nights. I’ve had it since he died.”
Again, I remain quiet, not really sure if she’s ready to tell me about it. Honestly, not really sure I’m ready to hear it.
“It’s the hospital. Every night, I’m right back in the hospital, where my dad is walking me down the hallway and into the ER.” I feel the tears fall on my arm and chest before I hear the sniffle. “He’s lying on the gurney. There’s so much blood and he’s so swollen that I can hardly recognize him.” She chokes on her sob, gripping my arms so tight I’m sure I’ll have bruised nail marks from her hold, but I don’t care.
I pull her even closer, her arms wrapping around my body. She’s shaking, but I’m not sure if it’s from the crying or the memories.
“He was in and out of consciousness, but when I walked in, he held out his hand. There was so much defeat in his eyes. He slowly brought it to his lips, which were cracked open, and he said… he…” She pulls away and looks directly into my eyes. “He said I was the love of his life.” Her bottom lip trembles, and all I want to do is hold her until the pain stops. I want to take every ounce of hurt she feels and carry it as if it were my own.
She takes a deep breath. “He said I was the love of his life, but…that he wasn’t mine.” Her voice drops almost to the point I can’t hear her.
“He knew he was going to die, didn’t he?” she asks, begging for me to answer.
“I don’t know, honey. Maybe. He wanted you to know that if he didn’t survive the accident, that you were the best part of his life. That you were the one he loved most in this world.” I can’t help it, tears well up in my own eyes.
“He knew and was telling me goodbye. He made me promise him that I’d live. It was the hardest promise I’ve ever made.”
I nod, not really able to say words. She falls back onto my chest and cries.
