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“Exactly!” I declare, my hands starting to shake. “He was on that road because of me.”
“He was on that road because he loved you. Nothing is guaranteed, sweet girl. Not life, not forever, not even love. Love is the ultimate risk, and when you love someone, you risk everything. He knew that risk, and took it because he loved you. He loved you until the day he died, and when he died, he went knowing that he lived a happy life. Do you know why?” I can’t breathe, let alone answer, so I shake my head. “Because he loved you, and when he died, he died with your love. You gave him the ultimate gift, sweetheart. He loved and was loved. That’s all I ever wanted for him. We don’t blame you, Meghan. We never did and never will. It was an accident. It took me many months and countless hours of therapy, but I know that now. It was his time, and even though I’d rather him be here with us, I know he’s in good hands, waiting for me when my time is up, as he will be for you. What happened to Josh was not in your control any more than it was mine. Believe that, sweet girl. It wasn’t your fault.”
I break down hard, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. I’ve carried this incredible weight around for the last two plus years. I’ve blamed myself, and thought for sure everyone else did too, but to hear Mrs. Harrison not only admit that she doesn’t hold me responsible, but that she appreciates the love I gave to her son, well, that’s an incredible gift in itself.
“I loved him too. I will always love him,” I tell her.
“I know,” she replies, wiping her own tears before swiping the ones on my cheek, and giving me that smile. The motherly one I always appreciated when I was dating her son. “I know,” she repeats with the slightest of head nods. “Okay,” she says, clearing her throat and patting my hands. “Now tell me about the man.”
If I wasn’t surprised before, I damn sure am now. I glance her way, my eyes feeling like they’re going to bug out of my head. I have no idea what to say, but my mind immediately goes to Nick, and the way I left him earlier.
“Don’t act so surprised,” Mrs. Harrison says with a chuckle. “It’s a small town. People talk,” she adds, shrugging her shoulders. “Tell me about him.”
Suddenly, I’m as uncomfortable as a hooker in church. “Well, uh, what do you want to know?”
“Well, how about his name?”
“Nick. His name is Nick Adams.”
“The dentist!” she exclaims, surprisingly happy by this revelation. “Not mine, but I’ve heard of him. You work for him, right?” she asks, returning to her serious state.
“Yes, but this thing between us, it’s new.” I don’t know why I say it, other than to reassure her that what Nick and I have came way after Josh.
“Oh, I know, silly. I remember how you and Josh used to look at each other. Do you feel that way about Nick?” she asks. Why the hell must she ask the hard questions?
I don’t have to think about it, because deep down, I already know my answer. I know how I feel for him. I’ve just been too scared to see it. “Yes, I think I do.”
She smiles again, and this one isn’t sad. It’s hopeful and full of joy. “Good. I’m really happy to hear that, Meghan. I don’t want you going through this life in the motions. I want to see you live, and yes, even love.”
“But it almost feels…wrong. Like I’m letting go of Josh and replacing him with someone else.”
Mrs. Harrison nods. “I get that, but what you need to know is that the heart has room for more than one love, Meg. Your heart can love one person, as well as another. One love is in your past, but that doesn’t mean you won’t carry him with you for the rest of your life. Loving another isn’t a replacement. It’s a privilege. To find two great loves in your lifetime is something wonderful, Meghan.
“I know I’m speaking for my son when I say…love. If you want to do his memory justice, then live your life and love. If you find happiness with this Nick, then grab onto it and don’t let go. Because we have no guarantees in this life, sweetheart. Tomorrow isn’t a promise, so hang on to today with both hands.”
“Thank you,” I choke out over the massive ball of emotions lodged firmly in my throat. “You have no idea how much I needed this.”
She pats my hands again and says, “I think I did. I did because I needed this too. I’ve missed you,” she confesses. “You were the daughter I never had.”
“And you were like a mother to me. Thank you for that,” I tell her sincerely.
We cry together for a few more minutes, before we hear footsteps on the stairs. Josh’s dad comes into view, looking like the spitting image of his son. My heart starts to pound as he approaches, and I quickly stand up. “Meghan,” he says softly with a smile. “How are you, honey?”
We end up talking for the next thirty minutes, and when I glance at the clock, I realize how late it’s getting. “I should get going.”
John and Angie walk me to the front door. “Please don’t hesitate to stop by anytime, sweet girl. We’ve missed you,” Angie says, wrapping me in a warm hug.
“Yes, please do. I’d happily warm up the barbecue for dinner,” John says as his arms engulf me in a big, warm hug.
“Thank you. I will, I promise,” I reply as I head through the front door, feeling much lighter than I did when I arrived.
“Oh, and Meghan?” Mrs. Harrison asks, stepping into her husband’s arm and standing at his side. “Bring your Nick by sometime. We’d love to meet him.”
I stand there, slightly dumbfounded, for probably too long. “Really?” My voice sounds hoarse, even to my own ears.
“Absolutely! I can show him how to barbecue a brisket,” John adds with a smile. A smile that was his son’s.
Angie nods in agreement. “Yes, we’d be honored to meet the man our Meghan has fallen in love with,” she adds with a wink.
