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Needing something to focus on besides the end that’s drawing near, I position myself between her legs. The first swipe of my tongue against her pussy is pure heaven, sending my blood pumping feverishly. Marissa writhes beneath me as I lick and suck, driving her closer and closer to her first release. When I add two fingers, I know she’s there. She bucks against my hand, grinding and taking what she needs. The sweetest noises fill the room as she begins the climb, my name falling from her lips as she flies over the edge. It’s beautiful to watch, and I don’t take my eyes off her for one second.
When she relaxes on the bed, I use the opportunity to shed my own clothes. I reach for my wallet, but something stops me. We had sex on that tree last week without a rubber (my first time ever), but have used one ever since. Tonight, I don’t want anything between us. I want to feel all of her for as long as I can. When I glance down at her, she seems to understand my thoughts. Instead of insisting I get one, both of us knowing I should be wearing one, she reaches for me.
And I’m too weak to resist.
I cover her body with my own, my lips devouring hers. I can still taste her on my lips, and it only fuels my desire further. I position myself between her legs, my cock hard and ready, falling to where it wants to be on its own. With her lips securely pressed against mine, I slide home.
Home.
Where I belong.
When I’m seated completely inside, I open my eyes and my breath catches. Her eyes shine brightly with emotion and unshed tears. My hand moves to her face, her beautiful, angelic face, and I catch a lone tear as it slips from her eye. My emotions are all over the place. I want to stay, but know that I can’t. I want to be here – with her – for the rest of my life.
But. I. Fucking. Can’t.
I’m not good for her. I’m not good for anyone. I’m not the staying kind, and even though my heart is telling me that’s complete bullshit, I know it to be true. There are so many things I want to say, but know that I shouldn’t – I can’t. So instead, I say them with my body. I slowly pull out and gently glide back in. Our pace is unhurried but deliberate, as we move in perfect harmony together. More tears slips from her eyes, and it guts me. Like a steak knife to the sternum, I feel the pain reflecting in her eyes.
I make love to her. That’s the only way to describe it. We’re not hurried. There’s no magical position I pull out to get us both off. We lie together, face-to-face, as I make love to the only woman I’ve ever loved.
It took me a mere glance to fall for her, but three weeks to finally admit it.
The orgasm I’m trying to hold off is barreling down on me. My spine is tingling and my balls tighten almost painfully. My lips drag lazily down her neck, expelling little gasps of delight and desire. Her pussy starts to tighten, grabbing my cock in a vise grip, basically ensuring that there’s no way to slow this train down anymore. I make sure to keep my movements slow and deliberate as I pump into her, kissing her lips and touching every square inch of her body. She tilts her hips upward and I press forward once more, sending us both over the edge. Bright white lights filter through my vision as I come, pulsing inside her, and emptying myself of everything I have.
That includes my heart.
I will never be in possession of it again.
It is hers.
When the trembling finally subsides and our bodies start to relax, I turn to my side, taking her with me. I stay buried inside of her pussy, not wanting to feel the emptiness that is surely to come when I finally pull out. Instead, I continue to hold her tight, and she does the same. Her arms are snaked around my chest, her cheek nestled against my shoulder. We lie together like that, for how long, I’m not sure, holding each other and just…breathing.
And then I feel the tears against my skin.
I know that if I look at her now, I’ll forever see this look on her face.
So I don’t look. I can’t.
I hold her so tight that I’m not sure she’s able to breathe. I kiss her forehead and run my hands up and down her body. I memorize every piece of this moment, of her. Exhaustion starts to settle in and the tears finally stop. Her body begins to grow heavy, and I know she’s finally drifting off to sleep. But me? I won’t sleep. Not tonight, and probably not ever again, because when I close my eyes, I know who I’ll see.
My cock finally slips from her body, but I make no move to grab something to clean us up with. I don’t want to move. Not until I have to. I lie there for hours, holding her close and kissing her face. She mumbles a few times in her sleep before softly sighing and snuggling in closer. My name is that sigh.
When the clock finally reads five and I know the sun will be filtering through the windows soon, I start to pull away. I can’t do the goodbye thing. I don’t want to say it. So in a total dick move, I hug her tightly against me, kiss her pliant, soft lips, and say the one thing I told myself I’d never say again. “I love you.”
Then, I extract my body from hers, instantly feeling the loss of her skin against mine, and climb out of bed as quietly as possible. My heart pounds furiously in my chest as I slip on my clothes, only taking my eyes off her sleeping form to pull the shirt over my head. When I’m completely dressed, I know there’s only one last thing to do.
Leave.
Walk out that door one last time.
Needing one last touch, I run my hand over her face. She turns into the touch, another soft sigh spilling from her lips. When she settles again, I know I need to move. If I don’t go now, I’ll never go.
And I need to go.
With leaded feet, I grab my flip-flops and make my way to her door. I don’t look back as I go through the doorway, grabbing my bag on the way. My heart cracks open and slowly starts to bleed as I gently open and close her front door. The early morning air is warm and inviting, yet I feel none of it. I feel nothing but pain. I make my way through the clearing and toward the dock. My boat sits there, mocking me with its bright white color and happy memories.
I may never be able to sail again.
On autopilot, I start up the trolling motor and make my way to my sailboat. I secure the small boat and climb aboard, throwing my bag down the stairs to the galley below. With heavy legs, I head to the helm and prepare to depart. When the boat is ready and the sun is peeking over the horizon, I shoot off a quick text message to my best friend to tell him to bring my truck home. With my phone placed back in my pocket, I fire up the engine. I make one last glance toward the shore, wishing she were standing on the dock one last time, and pull anchor.
I’m off.
Heading back to Jupiter Bay.
Away from Rockland Falls.
Away from Marissa.
Away from my heart.
